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Deep thoughts or does everything in life happen for a reason?
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| emc^2 |
Yet another Saturday night. I'm not out partying, with friends, at the movies, in the pool hall... Just here. at my pc, wasting away yet another seconds, minutes, moments - typing to some strangers, most of whom I've never met nor will ever meet in my life. Why? Don't know. I guess it's part of being addicted. Almost like venting at some //insert your therapy session de jour here// anonymous.
If I counted all the time I've wasted on various unimportant things, I'd probably account for a half of my life. What do I have to show for it? Nothing. Aside from knowing that maybe someone, somewhere enjoyed something I shared, be it time, ramblings or maybe it was all just for self affirmation. Who knows?
So, here I am - thinking what's life all about? Is it just a bunch of random events or does everything in life happen for a reason? Case and point: little over two months ago I was supposed to start a dream job. Interesting, enjoyable, working for a person I admire and respect. Out of the blue, on a day when I was all set to go out and party with my family and friends to celebrate a beginning of a career, something that would for the first time in maybe five years would make me happy to show up to work and work my ass off. But instead I got a call that my old manager, a person of great spite, full of petty envy and meaningless agenda made sure I would not get this opportunity.
It broke me. Emotionally, financially, totally crushed me. Having been a consultant for the last 7 years I've learned to take rejection, have "sure things" disappear in a blink of an eye, terms changed at a whim's notice. Yet nothing has prepared me for this. It's like missing the final shot of the game you're bound to win, totally destroyed at the finish line, having your dream acorn snatched away right in front of your eyes (Ice age 2 reference, for those in the know). It made me sick to my stomach for the first time in 15 years. I literally felt like throwing up. For the first time I connected with the people who thought they had it all and lost it in one blink of an eye.
So, I went through all your cliche stages: denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Now, I'm at the point where this blow out has impacted my life to such a stage, that I am not sure of what I am capable of professionaly, emotionally, personally. I've not pursued my career since, the leads for other potential opportunities have been passed over, avoided, ignored, or intentionally declined. All because of this . I know it may sound petty to people who fought in wars, lost their loved ones, or struggled beyond something as insignificant as being stopped in their tracks by some scumbag.
And I turned to philosophy - did it happen for a reason? Was I supposed to learn something from this? Did I get too cocky, too arrogant, took things for granted? Or was it just that - a malicious intent by someone who had made it his agenda to make me suffer because of his inadequacies? Don't know. I'd like to think that I'm not nothing and that I am capable to get back up on my feet after knock-down, dust myself off and keep going. But the effort associated with getting back on two feet is so great, it might as well be Mount Everest.
Here I am, ranting to bunch of strangers. Yet I feel it's something that I need to share. Because I am sure that almost everyone had a moment like this one. If not, it's coming - I hate to say. We are not born to be successful, we have to fight our way out of that life throws our way. I guess my pile is pretty high but I am at the break point, where I'll either climb out of it or I'm done in my line of work. Regardless, be it personal, professional, or just non-categorized failure - it's all part of growing up and being an adult. Looks like my time of being stuck in childhood mode is over. Time to move on.
Sorry for long-winded emo rant. Hope you didn't cringe too much.
Thanks for reading and feel free to share your insights into things that happened in your life. Do you feel there was a reason for it, almost a "ying and yang" sort of situation or was it just some random that happened, you dealt with it and moved on? Would love to hear about it.
///end of rant, getting off my soap box. |
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| Lira |
Q) Do things happen for a reason? (i.e. a purpose)
A) No - the world is too chaotic, we're the ones struggling to find an order.
Q) Do things have a reason for happening? (i.e. a cause)
A) Yes - it didn't happen out of the blue. If it all happened because of your old manager, then that's what you need to know: if you think you were unfair to him, you learned a lesson; if you think he was unfair with you, probably his attitude will one day hurt him back.
That's all you need to move on, I reckon :) |
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| Mebot |
Well, life isn't something that has a general rule or structure, you're not trying to prove anything to anyone, so why should it matter if you're not out partying with friends? Not everyone does and there's nothing wrong with that.
It sucks about what happened to you, I can't see how one person can totally stop you dead in your tracks and physically cause you all this anguish. but don't forget that as bad as you think you have it, someone else somewhere else has got it worse than you.
hey at least you have a computer to post your woes on. some people don't even have that... |
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| emc^2 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
if you think he was unfair with you, probably his attitude will one day hurt him back.
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Interesting point, considering he's Hindu - he definitely must not believe in bad Karma, as I am sure he knows he ed me just because he was envious and incompetent. I don't wish him ill, though I do hope that one day he can look back at that moment and regret it.
though, I am not holding my breath for that one. |
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| emc^2 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mebot
hey at least you have a computer to post your woes on. some people don't even have that... |
Oh, I have much more than that - and I am now even more thankful for the people I have in my life, my family, loved ones, and the fact that I have all my limbs, sanity, ability to take care of myself. You're absolutely right - everywhere I look I see things that I did not se before. Things I should be greatful for. ;) |
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| emc^2 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mebot
Well, life isn't something that has a general rule or structure, you're not trying to prove anything to anyone, so why should it matter if you're not out partying with friends? |
Oh, and ironically, part of this ordeal revealed to me who my friends are. Let's just say my circle of "friends" has substantially narrowed. Amazing how the saying still stands true: "true friends are revealed in the worst of times". |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
Maybe you should re-assess your dreams. "Dream" and "job" are not two things I, personally, would ever put together, but I am likely at a different stage of the work-definition shift that's been subtlely evolving in our society. People used to do what they did because it made them feel justified and defined, but it really doesn't seem that way anymore - most people just don't seem to do what they love or love what they do, and for a great many deal of understandable factors as well, however they feel like justifying it, I suppose. The important thing is that you realize what is important in your life - ask yourself exactly *why* this would have been a dream job for you or *why* you must attain such ephemeral achievements - through exploration of these, you may find that what you were looking for was not really what you thought - I dunno. It seems as though you are just ceasing to be in wonder at the world though - maybe you need to do something spontaneous or dangerous with your life? We'll never grow as people if we aren't tested and stressed - and it would seem as though your mindset is pretty stagnant and could use something new.
Whatever you do though, don't dwell on the past. As Lira advised, learn your lesson and move on - I'm not saying it's the best thing you can do because I can't tell you what's best for you, really, but ask yourself what it is you want from life? From your day? From work? From other people? If you can't really answer any of these questions, I think it's time you sought some grander questions.
Questioning the unquestioning can keep us in ceaseless wonder. |
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| OurManFlint |
I too have pondered on this, and what I've come up with is this (although some don't have to do with your particular context):
Nothing in life is garenteed, so don't expect anything to be.
Have dreams and goals, but don't depend on them, work at them.
Ask yourself, is what you want real or superficial?
Don't live in the past or your life will be forever static.
Don't wait for something, you might be waiting for nothing and you wouldn't even know it.
If you feel "out of the loop" in today's world, don't worry, because the "loop" doesn't really exist except to people who depend on it.
Jelousy leads to unhappiness, always and with no exception. |
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| DragonsEmerald |
| Live by my sig ;) |
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| KilldaDJ |
happens and theres all u can do about it
u can do stuffs afterwards though |
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| Inconspicuous |
| Well, putting aside everything Descartes would ask before anything else and assuming that your perception of the world is an accurate representation of what actually exists, I don't believe that the outcome of almost any event has to happen (I have my reservations about certain circumstances, mainly those affecting relationships). That doesn't mean that it isn't an experience you can grow from or one which had to happen in order for you to make some significant change, but it does mean that no one's playing puppeteer and that, ultimately, it is you, not some other person or even immortal being, who determines where you end up. You'll never forget it, but you can come to a point from which you're able to operate effectively and not suffer its consequences. |
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| Sungod |
| Try watching a movie called : What the bleep do we know...or / and read this book by james Redfield 'The Celestine Prophecy';) |
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