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Beauty and Attraction (pg. 3)
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| Subey |
Dungeons and Dragons solved this question ages ago...
It's all in the Eye of the Beeholder |
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| astroboy |
I've never studied any psycholgy these are just my bull theories...
I think you have this idyllic image in your head of an attractive girl - call it "the archetype" for convenience. When you assess girls' attractiveness you are subconsciously measuring them up to the archetype. When you get involved in a serious relationship the actual person becomes identified with the archetype and the two inform each other. That is once you reach the point in the relationship where your neurochemistry is making you feel that intense euphoria, your subconscious decides that this girl is the archetype of attractiveness.
In a way we are all in love with the idyllic idea of our partner rather than the inevitably imperfect person they actually are (this isn't me being cynical, just realistic - nobody's perfect right?). Love is a fantasy (again not being emo here, It's a fantasy I more than willingly indulge in). From then on this is reinforced becaues every small new thing she does or trait she exhibits that you like instantly becomes part of your archetype. Mini fights and crises occur and cause the person to be dissociated from the archetype, which allows you to return to measuring other girls up to the archetype.
Ofcourse teh longer you stay in the relationships the more entangled the girl's personality and the archetype become. Until all her idiosyncracies have become indistinguishable from your idea of the perfect woman. This is one of the reasons getting over someone you've been with for so long is so tough. You sit there remembering silly little things about her that for some reason have gained a huge significance over the time you spent together. It isn't until you disentangle the mess the relationship has created in your head, and reshape your archetype back into somethign realistic (ie. something that other women who aren't clones of your ex can actually measure up to) that you can move on. |
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| venomX |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I've never studied any psycholgy these are just my bull theories...
I think you have this idyllic image in your head of an attractive girl - call it "the archetype" for convenience. When you assess girls' attractiveness you are subconsciously measuring them up to the archetype. When you get involved in a serious relationship the actual person becomes identified with the archetype and the two inform each other. That is once you reach the point in the relationship where your neurochemistry is making you feel that intense euphoria, your subconscious decides that this girl is the archetype of attractiveness.
In a way we are all in love with the idyllic idea of our partner rather than the inevitably imperfect person they actually are (this isn't me being cynical, just realistic - nobody's perfect right?). Love is a fantasy (again not being emo here, It's a fantasy I more than willingly indulge in). From then on this is reinforced becaues every small new thing she does or trait she exhibits that you like instantly becomes part of your archetype. Mini fights and crises occur and cause the person to be dissociated from the archetype, which allows you to return to measuring other girls up to the archetype.
Ofcourse teh longer you stay in the relationships the more entangled the girl's personality and the archetype become. Until all her idiosyncracies have become indistinguishable from your idea of the perfect woman. This is one of the reasons getting over someone you've been with for so long is so tough. You sit there remembering silly little things about her that for some reason have gained a huge significance over the time you spent together. It isn't until you disentangle the mess the relationship has created in your head, and reshape your archetype back into somethign realistic (ie. something that other women who aren't clones of your ex can actually measure up to) that you can move on. |
Love is in it first passionate stages nothing more than biological processes firing up. Seriously from what ive studied its nothing more than brain processes firing up and perfecting that being you so long for. It sounds too simple, it sounds too vulgar, but thats how it happens. True, long lasting love, is nothing more than a decision to stay with the current person you are with. The oh so mystical, elusive and everlasting love you proclaim to someone in the end is just a conscious decision to stay with that person and resolve any problem that may arouse because you deem the traits that that person has to be attractive and beneficial in the long run. |
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| astroboy |
| quote: | Originally posted by venomX
Love is in it first passionate stages nothing more than biological processes firing up. Seriously from what ive studied its nothing more than brain processes firing up and perfecting that being you so long for. It sounds too simple, it sounds too vulgar, but thats how it happens. True, long lasting love, is nothing more than a decision to stay with the current person you are with. The oh so mystical, elusive and everlasting love you proclaim to someone in the end is just a conscious decision to stay with that person and resolve any problem that may arouse because you deem the traits that that person has to be attractive and beneficial in the long run. |
I don't think the neurochemistry of love contradicts anything I said. Every emotion you experience and decsion you make can be reduced to a neurochemical process, but that doesn't by any means suggest that psychology has no role in explaining a different (and probably more important to the average person) facet of emotions and decision. |
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| venomX |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I don't think the neurochemistry of love contradicts anything I said. Every emotion you experience and decsion you make can be reduced to a neurochemical process, but that doesn't by any means suggest that psychology has no role in explaining a different (and probably more important to the average person) facet of emotions and decision. |
I agrre with you until the last paragraph when you say that the archetype and the actual person become so entangled you can not distinguish between the two. People have other reasons to have this euphemuric (sp?) entanglement, be it security, be it conmfortbleness (sp? im quasi drunk :p), or whatever else. Ideas become hardwire with time and are hard to get rid of, but the image of a 'perfect person' is so variable that i cannot agree that it becomes inextricable(sp?) mixed with your idea of the 'perfect person' that you cannot forget and move on. People have many other needs that being entangled with the ideal person entail that are far more practical than that person being the 'perfect being', such as that person giving them social status, or economical status, or even a sense of belonging or conmfort. The 'perfect person' is too elusive and ever changing to become static and entangled into a non-evolving idea in my opinion. |
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| astroboy |
| quote: | Originally posted by venomX
I agrre with you until the last paragraph when you say that the archetype and the actual person become so entangled you can not distinguish between the two. People have other reasons to have this euphemuric (sp?) entanglement, be it security, be it conmfortbleness (sp? im quasi drunk :p), or whatever else. |
Which is why I say "one of the reasons" not the sole reason. Though I would say that the comfortableness and security are part of you making yourself believe that the person you are with is "the one" for you.
| quote: | | Ideas become hardwire with time and are hard to get rid of, but the image of a 'perfect person' is so variable that i cannot agree that it becomes inextricable(sp?) mixed with your idea of the 'perfect person' that you cannot forget and move on. People have many other needs that being entangled with the ideal person entail that are far more practical than that person being the 'perfect being', such as that person giving them social status, or economical status, or even a sense of belonging or conmfort. |
I do notice this attitude around, but it isn't my idea of "love" or a healthy relationship. Being with someone because of their money, status or connections sounds like the foundation of a good business partnership. When applied to a realtionship it sounds a bit, well, sociopathic. For me a strategic alliance whose usefulness must logically expire the moment the person loses status or money is not a loving relationship. WHen I say the perfect person ( a term i used carelessly) I meant the perfect partner "for you". SOmething that is always changing, but when you fall in love, begins to change in a particular way - that is to resemble the person you are with. It is by no means objective ofcourse, and notions of "belonging" and "comfort" can be a part of the image of an ideal partner (they certainly are for me).
| quote: | | The 'perfect person' is too elusive and ever changing to become static and entangled into a non-evolving idea in my opinion. |
Which is precisely why people can and do move on eventually. |
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| venomX |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I do notice this attitude around, but it isn't my idea of "love" or a healthy relationship. Being with someone because of their money, status or connections sounds like the foundation of a good business partnership. When applied to a realtionship it sounds a bit, well, sociopathic. For me a strategic alliance whose usefulness must logically expire the moment the person loses status or money is not a loving relationship. WHen I say the perfect person ( a term i used carelessly) I meant the perfect partner "for you". SOmething that is always changing, but when you fall in love, begins to change in a particular way - that is to resemble the person you are with. It is by no means objective ofcourse, and notions of "belonging" and "comfort" can be a part of the image of an ideal partner (they certainly are for me).
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I agree with most of this, but i cant really build any ideas coherently at the moment. What i will convey in a more sober moment, ie. tomorrow, is that 'loving' relationship should be based on what people get back from what they invest. Now im not talking about money wise, but emotion, effort and time wise. I'll try in build it up a bit more in the morning :wtf: |
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| sugardevill |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I've never studied any psycholgy these are just my bull theories...
I think you have this idyllic image in your head of an attractive girl - call it "the archetype" for convenience. When you assess girls' attractiveness you are subconsciously measuring them up to the archetype. When you get involved in a serious relationship the actual person becomes identified with the archetype and the two inform each other. That is once you reach the point in the relationship where your neurochemistry is making you feel that intense euphoria, your subconscious decides that this girl is the archetype of attractiveness.
In a way we are all in love with the idyllic idea of our partner rather than the inevitably imperfect person they actually are (this isn't me being cynical, just realistic - nobody's perfect right?). Love is a fantasy (again not being emo here, It's a fantasy I more than willingly indulge in). From then on this is reinforced becaues every small new thing she does or trait she exhibits that you like instantly becomes part of your archetype. Mini fights and crises occur and cause the person to be dissociated from the archetype, which allows you to return to measuring other girls up to the archetype.
Ofcourse teh longer you stay in the relationships the more entangled the girl's personality and the archetype become. Until all her idiosyncracies have become indistinguishable from your idea of the perfect woman. This is one of the reasons getting over someone you've been with for so long is so tough. You sit there remembering silly little things about her that for some reason have gained a huge significance over the time you spent together. It isn't until you disentangle the mess the relationship has created in your head, and reshape your archetype back into somethign realistic (ie. something that other women who aren't clones of your ex can actually measure up to) that you can move on. |
this rings true with me
whowouldathunkit?:p |
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| sugardevill |
| quote: | Originally posted by venomX
Love is in it first passionate stages nothing more than biological processes firing up. Seriously from what ive studied its nothing more than brain processes firing up and perfecting that being you so long for. It sounds too simple, it sounds too vulgar, but thats how it happens. True, long lasting love, is nothing more than a decision to stay with the current person you are with. The oh so mystical, elusive and everlasting love you proclaim to someone in the end is just a conscious decision to stay with that person and resolve any problem that may arouse because you deem the traits that that person has to be attractive and beneficial in the long run. |
depressing but also true:haha: :p |
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| Subey |
| quote: | Originally posted by venomX
processes firing up |
That's the longest unbroken chain of words in your post that I agreed with :p |
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| riskytrader |
| When I am attracted to someone I honestly think they are the hottest person alive. Like no one can possibly compare...I do also place certain people on pedestals and this also plays along with it. There is something in psychology a friend of mine was telling me but ahh ..that pedestal person is OUT of my life now so em! lol |
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| jdat |
| Lust or love. Which one is it? |
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