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where did the hitman page go??
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| grooviebeats |
i lol'd at this |
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| grooviebeats |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ivand
im stil loling
lol |
this is also funny
| quote: | What have some of our clients had to say about us:
"This guy moved in next door. I didn't like the way he looked in that shirt. So, I called HITMAN. I never saw him again. Or his shirt. Serves him right."
D.G. -- Retired Truck Driver
"I had tenants that weren't paying rent. I had been taking them to court for several years and they were always able to beat the system. All this added up to aggravation, time lost, and attorney fees. Then I contacted HITMAN and my problem was expediently solved next day. Next morning I read the headline in the paper that my tenants were found dead of a drug overdose. The police was not really interested in investigating the death of two junkies. Case closed."
T.J. -- Landlord
"I had been waiting for a promotion for years. All that was stopping me was the old creep that refused to retire. Then he died unexpectedly of old age."
G.W. -- Chief Executive Officer
"I had been involved in a legal battle with a competitor. My expensive hot-shot attorney promised me an open-and-shut case and lot of money. The only promise he was able to deliver was his bill for his so-called professional services, along with an apology that he did his best. He promised to send the bill in the mail. Instead, I received a funeral invitation from his secretary."
J.C. -- Executive
"I met my wife through RussianBrides.com... and things didn't quite go as planned. Right after she got her Green Card she started acting up and wanted to leave. She was threatening to take the house, the car, the kids and a big chunk of my money. When she said she was going to see a lawyer, I finally decided to contact HITMAN. She ended up seeing a pathologist, instead. Ironically, the whole thing didn't cost me a penny. After I paid HITMAN for their services, I collected ten time as much from my wife's life insurance."
S.M. -- Electrician
"I had this huge crush on this girl. There was only one problem: her boyfriend. So, I contacted HITMAN and problem was quickly solved. The doctors said that they did everything they could, but that they didn't catch his sudden illness on time, and that it was simply too late to make arrangements for a liver transplant. I was there to console the girl through her hard times. We've been happily married ever since."
T.B. -- Former Student
"Out of sight; out of mind!"
V.G. -- Criminal Enterpreneur
"I was having a lot of problems with this jerk at work. Then I contacted HITMAN. Coincidentally, right around that time, our company organized a trip to the zoo. I was hardly able to contain my amusement next morning when I read the headline, "Terrified Onlookers Scream in Disbelief as Man Eaten Alive by Heard of Hungry Alligators". Due to the absence of a body the cops had to be identified the victim by process of elimination. Needles to say, he never bothered me again. Thanks, HITMAN."
E.G. -- Production coordinator
"My upstairs neighbor was always playing loud music. It used to drive me nuts. I tried everything. I tried to talk to him nicely, I tried to play loud musing back, I even once switched off his electricity. Nothing worked. Then I started considering other alternatives; i.e. permanent solutions. I contacted HITMAN and they solved the problem within 24 hrs. For about a week everything was quiet. Then his next door neighbor upstairs called 911 because she smelled something. The cops found him dead, and the medical examiner said that he had died of Autoerotic Asphyxiation while listening to music on his walkman."
F.U. -- Student
"They said he died of a 45 Magnum. I almost died of laughter..."
Anonymous Client |
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| Ivand |
| quote: |
Greatest Hits
Top 10 List -- according to newspaper coverage
1 -- Shrunken Head Identified as That of a Corporate Big Wig
2 -- Unidentified Human Remains Found in Can of Dog Food
3 -- Olympic Medallist Dies in Failed Suicide Attempt
4 -- Used-car Dealer Drowns in Public Restroom
5 -- Prominent Local Politician Dies in a Whorehouse
6 -- Parachutist Falls to his Death as Chute Fails to Open
7 -- Chef Found Roasted (With Stuffing) Inside Own Oven
8 -- Rapist Released on a Technicality Found Technically Dead
9 -- Surgeon Dies in Apparent Self-surgery Attempt
10 -- Poet Commits Suicide by Firing Two Rounds into Own Head
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:tongue2 |
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| Omega_M |
| I deleted the thread. Dunno if it's real or not...and I don't want some skewed guy to contact them after getting the idea from teh COR :o |
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| Ivand |
| let this thread continue as a roll call |
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| Ian |
| quote: | What have some of our clients had to say about us:
"I met my wife through RussianBrides.com... and things didn't quite go as planned. Right after she got her Green Card she started acting up and wanted to leave. She was threatening to take the house, the car, the kids and a big chunk of my money. When she said she was going to see a lawyer, I finally decided to contact HITMAN. She ended up seeing a pathologist, instead. Ironically, the whole thing didn't cost me a penny. After I paid HITMAN for their services, I collected ten time as much from my wife's life insurance."
S.M. -- Electrician
"I had this huge crush on this girl. There was only one problem: her boyfriend. So, I contacted HITMAN and problem was quickly solved. The doctors said that they did everything they could, but that they didn't catch his sudden illness on time, and that it was simply too late to make arrangements for a liver transplant. I was there to console the girl through her hard times. We've been happily married ever since."
T.B. -- Former Student
"Out of sight; out of mind!"
V.G. -- Criminal Enterpreneur
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Brilliant :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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| RJT |
| quote: | Originally posted by Omega_M
I deleted the thread. Dunno if it's real or not...and I don't want some skewed guy to contact them after getting the idea from teh COR :o |
Also, the word gullible isn't in the dictionary. Srsly. |
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| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by RJT
Also, the word gullible isn't in the dictionary. Srsly. |
Damn, should have read the fine print :stongue:
The site is back : http://hitman.us/ |
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| Vlad |
| HITMAN is a cruelty-free organization. None of our services have been tested on animals. |
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| KilldaDJ |
| quote: |
"They said he died of a 45 Magnum. I almost died of laughter..."
Anonymous Client
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MAGNUM EY? LOL |
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