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coping
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| enferno |
as some of you know, my wife wants a divorce.
she wouldn't tell me why, until 4 days ago.
she called me and told me that she cheated on me, only once, and couldn't live with herself for doing that to me. she said she still loves me, but can't go on, that i would never trust her again, etc. etc.
now, i've never been cheated on before.
i'm crushed. i can't sleep more than an hour or two a night. when i eat food i feel sick to the stomach. i can't do anything without relating it to her, to us. i want to forgive her, i want to take her back, but it's not up to me.
how do you guys cope/move one/keep getting up in the morning after being so terribly betrayed? |
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| FuzzyChicken |
If she loves you so much why did she cheat on you?
What was lacking that caused her to cheat or what was the incentive for her cheating?
If she can't forgive herself how can you forgive her?
COMPLICATED! Im sorry for what happened. I hope you two work something out. :( |
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| enferno |
| quote: | Originally posted by FuzzyChicken
If she loves you so much why did she cheat on you?
What was lacking that caused her to cheat or what was the incentive for her cheating?
If she can't forgive herself how can you forgive her?
COMPLICATED! Im sorry for what happened. I hope you two work something out. :( |
those are the exact questions that keep running through my head . . |
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| mezzir |
talk to her
seriously bro
this is a problem that involves and relies on your relationship with her. any resolution you reach by yourself is incomplete, same goes for her. it hurt, and it sucks, but if there's a chance of actually moving on, this is your best chance
best of luck man, seriously
relationship ninja edit: just to make a point more clear, its likely that the more time you spend without talking about it, the more time you'll have to make assumptions which may not be true, and therefore let feelings fester that arent based on fact. again, it sucks, but get it out in the open. can't heal a cut until you open it a little to heal the infection first, then it can actually heal
again, best of luck |
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| xiad |
sorry to hear the ty news man
when my gf and i broke up she decided to just not talk to me anymore. she didnt even call me, tell me, email...nothin...just cold turkey stopped.
after somethin like that ya you feel like for a while, but the best thing to do is focus on something that makes you happy, like a hobby for instance, and just take it day by day, until the day by day stuff turns into weeks, and months, ect.
give it a while, and although you'll never feel the same, you'll feel better...
its all in time man
best of luck |
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| FuzzyChicken |
| quote: | Originally posted by mezzir
talk to her
seriously bro
this is a problem that involves and relies on your relationship with her. any resolution you reach by yourself is incomplete, same goes for her. it hurt, and it sucks, but if there's a chance of actually moving on, this is your best chance
best of luck man, seriously
relationship ninja edit: just to make a point more clear, its likely that the more time you spend without talking about it, the more time you'll have to make assumptions which may not be true, and therefore let feelings fester that arent based on fact. again, it sucks, but get it out in the open. can't heal a cut until you open it a little to heal the infection first, then it can actually heal
again, best of luck |
I agree. You should have a nice long conversation with her about the underlying problems of the relationship that ultimately led to the incident. The more you talk about it the more you can determine the next steps, in terms of where the relationship will go. Best of luck. |
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| tubularbills |
i'm EXTREMELY sorry to hear that's the reason why. I would highly recommend that you to some kind of therapy/counseling.
i know that seems awful strange/"mental" or whatever - but you need someone to talk to [face-to-face]. and that's what counseling is there for.
even if it's just once a week, it lets you actually talk about your problems to someone that 1) won't judge you or anyone else; 2) you won't hang around with later (i.e. friends); or 3) has a great privacy policy.
I recommend it, if you feel that you don't want to "bother" friends/family with your problems, which is normal.
other advice (and i only really know this stuff, because my ma is going through kind of the same thing):
1) read the book "Divorce for Dummies" (yes, they have it). it's got a lot of information in there on the legal stuff.
2) check out other divorce/seperation books from the library/amazon/barnes and noble... a lot of them deal w/ the psychology of the spouse wanting to file for divorce.
3) TALK TO SOMEONE. depression loves isolation. again, a counselor is a great way to get out even for just a few hours.
above all, don't blame yourself...and try (even tho its hard) not to think about the past in the sense of "now i wonder when she said she was going to do this, if she was going w/ someone else" or "how long has this EXACTLY been going on?" lies sometimes build into bigger lies...and if you aren't really ready to prepare for the worst (as if things couldn't really get any worse, i'm sure you're thinking), don't pursue it.
best of luck to you. |
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| stren |
| are you the father ? |
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| Sushipunk |
Ok, a good number of the replies in this thread are forgetting that they have a baby daughter together.
Without that factor, things are far more clear cut.
Gah...
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I hate asking you this on an open forum, but do you know the 'timing' of the cheating. It's a horrible question to ask, but I know you have your own music studio, and are probably quite well-off and financially independent... And I'm going to leave it there.
Aside from that, feeling the way you do, you need to BOTH go see a QUALIFIED relationship councilor. And, if you decide to go to a councilor, you BOTH need to be completely honest with the councilor and yourselves.
Easier said than done, but without proper communication... |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
You'll get over it.
Sounds like she has let go already, so it's probably time for you to do so as well. Easier said that done, I ing know that all to well, but if things go the way they should and in a healthy and speedy manner, you will have moved past this whole storm in just a few months. Time will heal all of this, you just need to keep your absolute priorities in mind: your well-being and maybe even more importantly, your daughter's well-being. See, you're no good to your daughter if you're an emotional and financial wreck and being as young as she is, her first memories are going to be on the way anytime. Just do your best and you'll move past all of the hurt. |
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| Ian |
| As sushi says, the childs welfare is the main importance here, and I hope that you manage to sort things out for her sake. she's obviously in guilt, beit post natal depression or you're not giving her enough love & security (money does not = security in this case) I'm unsure of the specifics of US law, but over here both sides need to be in agreement for divorce except in odd circumstances, which I think yours don't really fit since it's her cheating on you, not you on her. Try to talk to her about it, shes probably just feeling major guilt. |
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| Taranis |
Divorce, push for full custody, when you achieve it (given that the divorce is happening because she cheated, you could probably paint her as a pretty bad moral example fairly easily) offer her custody in return for having to pay no child support, go out, drink a ton, send lots of interesting powders up your nose and go home with some random.
Remember, when you're depressed and in pain, the best way to deal with it is to suppress it as much as possible and bury it under a haze of mind-altering substances. Sure you'll feel like crap in the morning, but that doesn't matter because you feel good 'now'.
Or will once you start hitting the drugs and booze. |
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