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Jokes.
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| Esiotrat |
I know this thread has been made one nonillion times, but who cares, here is another.
Post your jokes!
I'll start:
A husband walks out of the bathroom naked and is climbing into bed when his wife says, " I have a headache".
"Perfect", he replies. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with Aspirin. Would you like it orally or as a suppository?"
A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser.
"I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?"
"Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband"
"Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick."
Annnd go! |
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| noikeee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Enigmatik
A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser.
"I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?"
"Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband"
"Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
:stongue: |
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| Yan |
Hmm. :(
Off to a bad start. |
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| Sunsnail |
| that wasn't so bad yan |
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| DJ_Eternal |
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."
Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
:) |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
"An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi."Okay," says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "Now, THAT'S how you wave a towel!" |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| Prince Charles and Camilla were in bed one night watching the original Godfather movie on DVD. After the scene where the Mafia cuts off the head of the movie director’s prize racehorse and puts it in bed next to the director, Camilla turns to Charles and says: “It must be horrible to wake up in the morning to find the head of a dead horse in bed next to you” and Charles replies, “Ah, you get used to it.” |
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| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ_Eternal
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."
Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
:) |
:stongue: |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| quote: | Originally posted by Enigmatik
A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser.
"I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?"
"Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband"
"Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
actually, the bruiser wants to play a game of mummys and daddys, and the accountant chooses to be the daddy. "right then, come here and suck mummy's dick".
it just rolls off the tongue better ;) |
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| jonSun |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ_Eternal
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a
headache."
Wife replies: "I thiiiink you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I thiiink you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
:) |
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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| Lilith |
A baby seal walks into a bar.
"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
uhhh... yeah. |
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