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"Why Can't the English Be More Like the French?!"
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| HardTranceProd |
IT'S A SPOOF. But funny nonetheless.
Link:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co...icle2799528.ece
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SOME Frenchwomen find it liberating to live in a country where nobody cares what they are wearing, but personally I find it depressing. When you walk down a street in England, you might just as well be dressed like a fright, because nobody is going to look at you.
This upset me at first. Had I lost my charms? I tried again in the company of a beautiful actress: same result. No eye contact, no simmering acknowledgment, no seduction. Eyes down, walk past, don’t even go there.
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When in Paris, I always buy a little something at Fifi Chachnil on the rue St Honoré. But most Englishwomen buy their lingerie in Marks & Spencer, as it can be scooped into a wire basket along with the ready meals.
The single bestselling bra in England is made by Triumph and called Doreen. It comes in sizes up to 60DD, which is off the scale for conversion to French, and is endorsed by one grateful customer as follows: “When I drove over speed bumps, I knew I had the right bra. Usually I bounce all over the place.”
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To attract male attention, Englishwomen have to go out “on the pull” dressed like tarts. When the English do “score” (sporting vocabulary is de rigueur for sex), the rules are clear. In no way must the sex ever be discussed, although it might be conceded that last night was “a laugh”. Altogether, it is a mystery how they ever procreate.
Instead of a sex life, the British have their newspapers. What they really love is scandal: catching people out, punishing them for daring to have sex. This is completely in keeping with the puritan tradition.
Picture the English couple in bed on Sunday morning. I am speaking here of Bee and Hereward, but it could be any English couple. They have got the weekly sex over, thank goodness. They may even have taken off their Marks & Spencer pyjamas. They’ll have had their little joke: “Well, that’s got that out of the way for another month.”
Then Hereward will go down to the dungeon kitchen to make a pot of tea. On the way up, he’ll pick up the papers that have been thrust through the letter box (newspaper delivery is the only service better here than in France), and with a sigh of true happiness, they will both sink back with a cup of tea and begin the “muck raking” that is so very much more enjoyable than their own lacklustre lovemaking.
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In France we like food that tastes good. English puritans don’t care what it tastes like as long as it has a label showing it’s from the right place. This is called “sourcing”. The ideal label is “organic” (much overrated, as we know), and from a farmer whose name and address they can drop to their guests. They love shops like Planet Organic which make a great fuss about overpriced cheese and produce that is only what you’d find in the most basic French market.
The English are at their happiest when making do, and love eating left-overs. Where we would throw last night’s supper in the poubelle, the English will have it for lunch, which makes them feel virtuous for saving money. It is also an excuse for gluttony. “Shame to let it go to waste,” they say, as if they are doing everyone a favour by hoovering up the cold remains of a treacle pudding.
This makes them feel less guilty about their work-and-money cult. In France we have a civilised approach to work. It is part of life, not the point of it. Not so in money-loving England, where it is an obsession. What do you do? Business going well? Did you get a good bonus? These are all acceptable openings when conversing with strangers. Such terrible manners!
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| George Smiley |
What a stuck up, middle class, ing twat!
If she don't like living (the life of luxury) here then she can piss off back to France!
ing bitch probably hasn't even got a job, just scrounging off her husband living in some trendy (stupidly expensive) area of London - no wonder everyone she's meant is as much of a stuck up twat as she is. She wants to get out of London more and meet some real people, not stuck up tossers who hire maids to do their cleaning for God's sake!
And the English want to be French now?! Eh!?
If she is anything to go by, why the would anyone wanna be like her?!
I wouldn't mind if she wrote an article taking the piss out of actual stupid things the English do (which there are hundreds!) but all she's done is write about a tiny percentage of middle class rich tossers, and applied that to the rest of the population! |
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| Dervish |
Yeah much as I hate to have to defend the english on this one (scottish not english). It's a heady mix of total lies and class-clash.
I mean "all Englishwomen are intimate with homosexual men" hahahaha
AND IF YOU WANT A DEFINITION OF IRONY:
| quote: | | Oh really, I said. Is that why you all want to come to live in our country, because you feel sorry for us? Now, I am no psychologist, but it is evident to me the antiFrench nonsense that fills the British press is nothing more than envy. They envy us our culture, our food, our small bottoms and our ability to say non to anything that threatens these, be it immigrants, globalisation or the importing of nasty British meat. |
From person who moved FROM FRANCE and lived in england FOR A DECADE!!!! :p
| quote: | | importing of nasty British meat. |
She managed to slate the organic and sourced movement while simulatiously slating the meat have you seen the scabby fly ridden holes they call butchers over there?
This is meant as humour but me.... it's low brow.
"Having no talent for sex (or food), the English make a virtue of their deficiencies." <<< What the would she know has she cheated on her man with an english guy?
Also I'll bet she's doing to old england = britain ignorant bastard move too... |
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| shaolin_Z |
| I must have missed the humour, sounds like a pretty shallow bitch. |
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| George Smiley |
| quote: | Originally posted by shaolin_Z
I must have missed the humour, sounds like a pretty shallow bitch. |
I think it's obvious why she has sand in her vagina, and I'm not even talking about the poor general hygiene of the French either - it's in one of the first things she says - that men in the UK don't stare at her like they do in France. One, it shows her up for the vain bitch she is (think the wicked Queen in Snow White) and also provides an insight into the pervish and sexist nature of French men. What she said actually makes me feel proud to be English (sorry, Dervish, I meant to say British!) |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
Haha, that's ok, Hillary Clinton wants to be French too:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/31/o...xprod=permalink
| quote: | October 31, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
Hillary la Française, Cherchez la Femme?
By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON
It’s an odd cultural inversion.
The French first lady, the one in a role where wives traditionally ignored and overlooked their husbands’ peccadilloes for the greater gain of keeping their marriages intact and running the Élysée Palace, has fled her gilded perch, acting all-American and brimming over with feelings and feminist impulses.
The former American first lady, the one who’s supposed to be brimming over with feminist impulses, has ignored and overlooked her husband’s peccadilloes for the greater gain of keeping her marriage intact, as she tries to return to the gilded perch and run the White House.
Cécilia Sarkozy acts so American, while Hillary Clinton acts so French.
Cécilia at one point left her marriage to go to New York and seek love American-style, while Hillary lost the public love in the ’90s when she tried French-style health care reform.
In Essence magazine, Hillary sounded très French, très laissez-faire, talking about her marriage. “Now obviously we’ve had challenges as everybody in the world knows,” she said. “But I never doubted that it was a marriage worth investing in even in the midst of those challenges. And I’m really happy that I made that decision. Again, not a decision for everybody. And I think it’s so important for women to stand up for the right of women to make a decision that is best for them.”
In addition to the warrior strategy, the one that led Hillary to back President Bush on the Iraq war and the Iran drumbeat, the senator has a girlfriend strategy.
Hillary recently told an interviewer that they should talk like “two girlfriends,” and last week her campaign theme was: “Women Changing America.” She returns to Wellesley tomorrow to launch Hillblazers, a bid to attract young Hillarys to the campaign. She will be back in the setting of her 1969 feminist triumph as the commencement speaker who described her class’s desire for a “more immediate, ecstatic and penetrating mode of living” and who spoke truth to power, chastising Edward Brooke for being out of touch.
Hillary doesn’t speak truth to power any more. Now that Mark Penn believes women can carry her to victory, Hillary speaks girlfriend to girlfriend.
That tack, Caitlin Flanagan writes in The Atlantic, would only work if she were “willing to let us women in on the big, underlying struggle of her life that is front and center in our understanding of who she is as a woman. Her husband’s sexual behavior, quite apart from the private pain that it has caused her, has also sullied her deepest — and most womanly — ideals and convictions, for the Clintons’ political partnership has demanded that she defend actions she knows to be indefensible. To call her husband a philanderer is almost to whitewash him, for he’s used women far less sophisticated, educated and powerful than he — women particularly susceptible to the rake’s characteristic blend of cajolery and deceit — for his sexual gratification.
“In glossing over her husband’s actions and abetting his efforts to squirm away from the scrutiny and judgment they provoke, Hillary has too often lapsed into her customary hauteur and self-righteousness and added to the pain delivered upon these women.”
That’s French hauteur, of course, the kind Nicolas Sarkozy showed when he called his press secretary an “imbecile” and refused to answer Lesley Stahl’s question on “60 Minutes” about his marriage and ripped off his microphone. He may have failed to realize that, unlike in France, he can’t call his powerful buddies and simply get the story killed.
Hillary surely hopes there is a harbinger in Argentina, where voters just rewarded their former president for his economic prosperity by electing his wife to succeed him.
“And why not?,” former first lady Cristina Fernández de Kirchner said about Hillary yesterday. “Another woman wouldn’t be bad.”
Ms. Flanagan is not so sure. She was particularly bothered by Hillary’s callousness in dumping Socks, the beloved White House cat and best-selling author, on Bill’s former secretary Betty Currie.
But maybe the qualities that many find off-putting in Hillary — her opportunism, her triangulation, her ethical corner-cutting, her shifting convictions from pro-war to anti-war, her secrecy, her ruthlessness — are the same ones that make people willing to vote for a woman.
Few are concerned that Hillary is strong enough for the job. She is cold-eyed about wanting power and raising money and turning everything about her life into a commodity. Yet, the characteristics that are somewhat troubling are the same ones that convincingly show she will do what it takes to beat Obama and Rudy. She will not be soft or vulnerable. She will not melt in a crisis.
And, unlike Obama, she doesn’t need to talk herself into manning up. Obama whiffed in the debate last night when Brian Williams and Tim Russert teed up the first question for him to take on Hillary — something the debate dominatrix never would have done.
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| Lebezniatnikov |
| Also, I think that (^) is probably the true reason so many Americans don't like Hillary - she is too "French" for mainstream America. |
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| shaolin_Z |
| quote: | Originally posted by George Smiley
I think it's obvious why she has sand in her vagina, and I'm not even talking about the poor general hygiene of the French either - it's in one of the first things she says - that men in the UK don't stare at her like they do in France. One, it shows her up for the vain bitch she is (think the wicked Queen in Snow White) and also provides an insight into the pervish and sexist nature of French men. What she said actually makes me feel proud to be English (sorry, Dervish, I meant to say British!) |
Haha, I like how articulated your observation there :D. It's always boggled my mind how the French can be so much more sexualy liberal and permisive in contrast to other cultures yet simultaneously have such dreadful hygiene. :conf: :nervous: |
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| George Smiley |
This also made me laugh - the English "don't do sex" yet further on she snipes at English girls being slags and sluts and how they're gonna have teenage pregnancies!
And I'm not sure exactly where this idea comes from that (continental) European girls are more sexually liberal than elsewhere, because from what I can tell, they're qute shy, timid and, well, not like English slags*! :D
(*which isn't a criticism, in fact, probably more of a compliment to them and a criticism of **some** English girls) |
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| d-miurge |
| quote: | Originally posted by George Smiley
If she don't |
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| George Smiley |
| quote: | Originally posted by d-miurge
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Yes, I agree! |
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