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Make me laugh on this miserable Thursday morning (pg. 3)
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| Direct |
A guy named Mark goes to visit his barber 1 day and ask
"I need something for my continuing baldness".
The barber says "I use juice".
Mark says "But, youre balder than I am".
And the barber says "Yeah but I got one hell of a mustache". |
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| david.michael |
| quote: | Originally posted by Direct
A guy named Mark goes to visit his barber 1 day and ask
"I need something for my continuing baldness".
The barber says "I use juice".
Mark says "But, youre balder than I am".
And the barber says "Yeah but I got one hell of a mustache". |
Or you could use vaseline and grow a pony tail. |
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| Yohan |
how do you make a little girl cry twice?
wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear |
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| Acton |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
how do you make a little girl cry twice?
wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear |
:nervous: |
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| ownymcown |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ Mikey Mike
I'll get the ball rolling with a joke that tickled me:
7 Englishmen and an Irishman are in a rape line up. The victim walks in - Paddy steps forward and shouts "Thats her, the miserable cunt!!!"
:D |
It's thirsty Thursday time to get drunk son |
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| Abercrombie |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
A young man and a young woman are standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. The man looks over at the woman's purchases and sees that she's got some ice cream, a box of cookies, tv dinners, some magazines, a bottle of wine, and a cucumber. He turns to the woman and says "Excuse me miss, are you single??" to which the woman replies "Yes, yes I am! How did you know?!" And the man says "Because you're ing ugly!" |
Is that a joke, or just another day in Vivid's life? |
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| ownymcown |
Q: What did jennypie say to King Kong?
A: Is it in yet? |
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| ownymcown |
A guy gets on a bus and notices a nun sitting over in a corner. Through her heavy head piece he just spots a glimmer of her face. Gorgeous! She moves, and her vestments cannot hide the fact she has a truly phenomenal body. The guy gets more and more excited until he finally approaches the nun and tells "Sister, I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I think I love you. Can we get together some time?"
The nun leaves the bus in a huff.
Later as the guy is about to leave the bus himself, the bus driver asks the guy if he was the one who was bothering the nun. The guy again apologizes, explaining once again that he seldom did this sort of thing, but the bus driver says: "No, don't apologize, I was checking her out myself. In fact, let me do you a favour. Did you see where she got off? There's a little park there, and every day she goes there to pray at the same time. Go there tomorrow, and maybe....."
The guy thanks him and leaves.
Sure enough, the guy goes to the park and there's the little nun in a secluded spot by some trees. He goes off into the bushes, and comes back a few minutes later in a long white robe, a long blond wig with beard and a crown of thorns. The nun is flabbergasted, and asks what she can do for him. He says that every couple of thousand years, he likes to come back to earth to get laid. The nun says that she'd love to help him, but that she was on her period, and would the back door be OK?
He says fine, and they commence their activities.
A few minutes into it, he is suddenly overcome with a blast of guilt, and says, panting, "Sister, I have to tell you something. I'm not really Jesus, I'm actually the guy who was annoying you on the bus yesterday.
The nun says, "Oh, that's OK. In fact, I'm not really a nun. I'm actually the bus driver." |
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by ownymcown
A guy gets on a bus and notices a nun sitting over in a corner. Through her heavy head piece he just spots a glimmer of her face. Gorgeous! She moves, and her vestments cannot hide the fact she has a truly phenomenal body. The guy gets more and more excited until he finally approaches the nun and tells "Sister, I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I think I love you. Can we get together some time?"
The nun leaves the bus in a huff.
Later as the guy is about to leave the bus himself, the bus driver asks the guy if he was the one who was bothering the nun. The guy again apologizes, explaining once again that he seldom did this sort of thing, but the bus driver says: "No, don't apologize, I was checking her out myself. In fact, let me do you a favour. Did you see where she got off? There's a little park there, and every day she goes there to pray at the same time. Go there tomorrow, and maybe....."
The guy thanks him and leaves.
Sure enough, the guy goes to the park and there's the little nun in a secluded spot by some trees. He goes off into the bushes, and comes back a few minutes later in a long white robe, a long blond wig with beard and a crown of thorns. The nun is flabbergasted, and asks what she can do for him. He says that every couple of thousand years, he likes to come back to earth to get laid. The nun says that she'd love to help him, but that she was on her period, and would the back door be OK?
He says fine, and they commence their activities.
A few minutes into it, he is suddenly overcome with a blast of guilt, and says, panting, "Sister, I have to tell you something. I'm not really Jesus, I'm actually the guy who was annoying you on the bus yesterday.
The nun says, "Oh, that's OK. In fact, I'm not really a nun. I'm actually the bus driver." |
:stongue: |
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| couch-potato |
What did Cinderella say when she finally got to the ball?
Nothing. She gagged. |
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| [N]ûk|êû[Z] |
| quote: | Originally posted by leebates1986
A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Dad, know how old i am today?"
"No, how old?" his father replies.
"Im eleven!"
The little boys goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old i am today?"
She says, "Come close..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."
"How could you tell!?!?" he asks
"Well" she says, "I heard you tell your father" |
hahaha your quality :D |
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