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{Deep Proggy Breakbeat} [WIP] Original Tune - I Love Mary Jane [+320 kbps]
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View this Thread in Original format
| SYSTEM-J |
This is a really interesting track. The melody is definitely unique. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound very full at all. Deep, proggy breaks usually has a big, full, echoey sound and this track sounds quite weak in comparison. You're not using the sonic space enough- it's all too central. You need to pan things out more and generally fill the sound up.
I do like this a lot but it sounds like a demo that now needs a lot of production work to sound professional. |
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| djjasonb |
| Does need work, theres basis for a good track though, also 13 minutes long? a bit too long maybe |
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| professorTHC |
| i also think this is an interesting track. interest in the sense that you have cool ideas here for sure, and while the portion of a song you worked on thus far isnt bad by any means theres a huge chunk of the song still missing. whether it be a funky bass line a cool synth or whatever you gotta have that otherwise its just mixing music. but good job on it so far. you can make a melody out of that string instrument for sure, but you actually have to do it because it is there, and sometimes its hard to look at what you have already and copy and paste it to make changes. but afterwards you have two loops to use, often times if done correctly even in unison and harmony would would work absolutely beautifully in this sort of track. it has an exotic feel to it that you should totally manipulate. much potential friend, keep at it. |
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| digitalEyes |
| I agree with everyone here. Definitely caught my attention, but you need an extra element or two behind the main melody to help your tune "drive" forward and make it more dynamic, but nothing over-the-top that will drown out the best part, which is that dancing, hypnotic sound that spans the length of the song. Its really trippy nonetheless, and I really enjoyed it! Would love to see a follow up! |
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| EddieZilker |
Excellent feedback. I appreciate it. Thanks, a ton.
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
This is a really interesting track. The melody is definitely unique. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound very full at all. Deep, proggy breaks usually has a big, full, echoey sound and this track sounds quite weak in comparison. You're not using the sonic space enough- it's all too central. You need to pan things out more and generally fill the sound up.
I do like this a lot but it sounds like a demo that now needs a lot of production work to sound professional. |
Gotcha! More compression on the mix-down. Will do!
Just kidding.
I'll admit, I'm a little surprised by your critique, so far as 'not enough' echo is concerned, but will concede you're probably referring to something else, more intrinsic to the style I'm attempting. I have a single track devoted to a metric--ton of time-based effects (Swirly harmonically dissonant reverb wash). The lead also has a ridiculous amount of TB effects on it, too - so much, that I had to make a completely dry track, to help distinguish all the notes being played. In general, I already tend to use a lot echo. In the context of this mix I used a lot on the lead, arpeggio, some of the percussion, the ride cymbals, et al.
I'm assuming, therefore, that you're looking for more elements that have a bit more time in their decay and that occur more prominently in the mix than much of the micro-trails and washes I already have.
I was thinking about spacing, when I was mixing down. I had a nagging suspicion that the mix was a little quashy, but had lost a fair bit of perspective having made, un-made, then re-made fair bit of correction. Per your recommendation, on panning, and so forth, I'll be making some additions that reflect your critique.
| quote: | Originally posted by djjasonb
Does need work, theres basis for a good track though, also 13 minutes long? a bit too long maybe |
I tend to get a little carried away, in that regard. To be honest, this is my longest track. I had set up the arpeggio with simple drum loop to have some comp time, for the bass-line and lead. I just did a very general progression on the bass-line, a lot of which I figured would wind up cut from the mix, anyway. When I got to the lead, after a few rehearsal takes, I wound up with more than I thought I would get.
Pending some extraordinary development that I can't see the track doing without, I imagine that every section of the song's going to get cut down to size - even though I might keep a Bathroom Break Edit, just for grins.
| quote: | Originally posted by professorTHC
i also think this is an interesting track. interest in the sense that you have cool ideas here for sure, and while the portion of a song you worked on thus far isnt bad by any means theres a huge chunk of the song still missing. whether it be a funky bass line a cool synth or whatever you gotta have that otherwise its just mixing music. but good job on it so far. you can make a melody out of that string instrument for sure, but you actually have to do it because it is there, and sometimes its hard to look at what you have already and copy and paste it to make changes. but afterwards you have two loops to use, often times if done correctly even in unison and harmony would would work absolutely beautifully in this sort of track. it has an exotic feel to it that you should totally manipulate. much potential friend, keep at it. |
I was (and still am, to some degree) considering adding vocals. No singing - just poetry. I've only done vocals once, on my current set-up, and it's not the way vocals should ever be recorded. (Click here for that example.) It was a huge PITA to get the result I got. It's my attempt at sounding like the Cheshire Cat on a healthy dose of Mushrooms. For this track, I'd be aiming for something a little less heavy, and a lot more rhythmic.
I'm also thinking of adding some more harmony and melody parts. I like your idea about the bass-line, too, and may add a part to fill out the basic one I've got down, already. In-so-far as my style is concerned, this is probably one of the more exotic sounding. It kind of has some Latin and Middle Eastern vibes that I'm trying not to step on.
EDIT:
| quote: | Originally posted by digitalEyes
I agree with everyone here. Definitely caught my attention, but you need an extra element or two behind the main melody to help your tune "drive" forward and make it more dynamic, but nothing over-the-top that will drown out the best part, which is that dancing, hypnotic sound that spans the length of the song. Its really trippy nonetheless, and I really enjoyed it! Would love to see a follow up! |
Thanks, a lot. You posted, right before I did. I'll keep your feedback in mind when I'm reworking it. I definitely don't want to lose any of the trippy psychoacoustics. |
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| SYSTEM-J |
| quote: | Originally posted by EddieZilker
I'll admit, I'm a little surprised by your critique, so far as 'not enough' echo is concerned, but will concede you're probably referring to something else, more intrinsic to the style I'm attempting. |
Don't read too much into the word "echo". I was referring to the spacey sound a lot of deep prog breaks has, which is the kind of atmosphere I felt in this track. Perhaps just a personal interpretation.
I think the point I'm making is that I played this track next to a couple from the Spaced mix in my sig and they just sound fuller, broader, more rich in overall sound than yours. I'm not suggesting you lather it in delay or reverb or whatever. |
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| EddieZilker |
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Don't read too much into the word "echo". I was referring to the spacey sound a lot of deep prog breaks has, which is the kind of atmosphere I felt in this track. Perhaps just a personal interpretation.
I think the point I'm making is that I played this track next to a couple from the Spaced mix in my sig and they just sound fuller, broader, more rich in overall sound than yours. I'm not suggesting you lather it in delay or reverb or whatever. |
I actually downloaded that mix and listened to parts of it, last night. I'll be taking a more extended listen, later this weekend but I really liked what I heard. It did give me some insight into what you're saying, too.
(I also downloaded the Heart of Darkness mix. I haven't read the book, yet but I understand Apocalypse Now is based on it. I'll probably be listening to that, this weekend, too.)
I tend to think that there are a few more layers to elements in the mixes you had than are currently in my tune. There are also a number of nuanced distinctions between a variety of songs from the Spaced Mix and my song; from a variety of drum sounds to melodic instrumentation and layering that I thought illustrated your point. Over all, what I'm taking from your critique is that the song and its mix, currently, are sparse and need development; both in terms of a sonic space construct and in-so-far as the arrangement and mix are somewhat spartan. |
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| SYSTEM-J |
| Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. |
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| EddieZilker |
Thanks, everyone!
I just uploaded the 192kbps version - that's all I had time for. It's still long, but I wanted to get an idea if this is more along the line of what to go for. I'll be working on finishing up and working a shorter version, in the near future.
http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=...2db6fb9a8902bda |
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| professorTHC |
| it sounded like you were going to take the piano and guitar little bits somewhere because you had a little pre melody but you never got closure with those instruments. they just faded away. still an interesting track. |
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| EddieZilker |
Now available in a 9 minute, thirty-one second version!
[[ LINK REMOVED ]]
Deep Eddie Zilker - I Love Mary Jane (Edit) -> 320 kbps
Deep Eddie Zilker - I Love Mary Jane -> 13+ Minute Version @ 320 kbps
Any comment is appreciated.
| quote: | Originally posted by professorTHC
it sounded like you were going to take the piano and guitar little bits somewhere because you had a little pre melody but you never got closure with those instruments. they just faded away. still an interesting track. |
Yeah. I was kind of aiming for a bit of a chilled, psychedelic vibe without a huge peak of a crescendo. It may mean a subtle nuance that goes unappreciated, but I was actually avoiding a couple of my regular song structures and trying for more of a bebop jazz feel, in-so-far as the arrangement is concerned. |
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