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do you write? (as a hobby) (pg. 3)
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| wotyzoid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov
I think you do it already. The samples you posted show a pronounced awareness of your audience - I do the same thing, but the awareness usually dominates and changes the prose in ways I don't like. I think it's awesome that you can be aware of your audience and own it. |
Thank you. That's awfully similar to what my english teacher told me; she did also however mention that my word choice often hinders my writing from progressively diving deeper into whatever the subject may be. She butchered one of my sonnets, but she's usually really keen of my writing especially since high school writing now a days seems like a 3rd grade summer report.
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
Hopefully this helps. |
Lol that's a lot of red. Thank you.
Though in my defense I usually refrain from logic (which rightfully seemed to be the main driving force of your criticism) and steer towards critical thinking, questioning and sentiment when I write. The criticism is great, though, so thanks once again. |
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| Slylee |
| are any of you into screenplay writing or have experience with it? |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
Nope. I will critique the writing and story of your screenplay if you have one, though.
:p |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
I think you do well in terms of sentiment. Your prose varies sentence structures nicely, which is something that I don't think can be learned effectively. It has a fluid feel to it, drawing the reader in. My biggest criticism of literature (and Hemingway in particular) is that some authors feel the need to use one type of sentence ad infinitum. The variation is important, and you seem to have that down.
I do think your awareness of an audience could potentially become constricting to your prose, so I agree with your teacher there. By second-guessing word choice or adding in things like "I rant again, but" it shows that the way you perceive your audience (and your evident need to apologize for your subject), makes you a bit uneasy about writing truly uninhibited.
As for JBJ's critique, I agree that there may be a word choice issue or two - that's what drafting is for, after all. But the transitive verb seemed clear ("we" is the direct object, and "adventure" is the indirect, no?). |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov
As for JBJ's critique, I agree that there may be a word choice issue or two - that's what drafting is for, after all. But the transitive verb seemed clear ("we" is the direct object, and "adventure" is the indirect, no?). |
"We" is the subject. "Ourselves" would probably be the expected direct object, but like I said, the meaning is clear enough so the minor grammar slip is passable. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
Nope. I will critique the writing and story of your screenplay if you have one, though.
:p |
yea right. i'm really insecure about it:p |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
"We" is the subject. "Ourselves" would probably be the expected direct object, but like I said, the meaning is clear enough so the minor grammar slip is passable. |
Ah, good call. There's an implied omission there. :) |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
yea right. i'm really insecure about it |
Do you have specific things you think you need to work on, or are you just kind of vaguely insecure? Critique might help with the former.
;) |
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| Slylee |
well it's mostly with the scene descriptions. i dunno i just feel like an amateur, which i am lol
it's based on real events that happened during wmc years ago. lots of random happening with different people and drugs and partying, etc...
i'm having a hard time delevoping the plot. can't decide if i want everythig to cleverly fall together at the end or if it should be more about 1 character in particular experiencing/narrating the events. i've just been blindly writing the events in a story-like format as best as i can remember that weekend. well, it's been a while since i busted it out and added to it. |
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| woscar |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
same
but i wouldn't say i'm too busy now...more like intimidated to get back into it (writers block). i have so many books about writing and grammar and how to write a screenplay, etc...
wish i could get motivated to get back into my screenplay. i need some inspiration. |
:stongue: |
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| Slylee |
*sigh*
drama queen. |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar
:stongue: |
What's so funny? |
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