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I had to take my Grandma to a nursing home whitch she will never come home from (pg. 3)
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| butterfly |
i don't think it is terrible to have put your grandmother in a nursing home. you could not have prevented her from getting dimensia and the care there is much better than what you could provide.
my grandmother got dimensia in her 90s and she was always scared because of it. she lived with my mother the last 5 years of her life because my grandparents could not afford a nursing home or assisted living. my mother spent all of her time watching her. She never left the house for more than 2 hours at a time because she was afraid something would happen to my grandmother. since my grandmother died two years ago, my mother has started doing things she wants to do, but ultimately, she selflessly gave up the best 5 years of her retirement to take care of someone else.
i really admire that people want to care for their loved ones like this but you have to remember your own well being, and that your grandma will probably be better cared for by professionals. you are lucky she can afford to have that care. her life is not over yet. you should visit her as much as you can while she still recognizes you, and try to help her be happy in her last years. |
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| igottaknow |
| Sounds sad but you did the right thing, which is never easy. I would lay off the hard drugs they won't do her or you any good. Get over feeling guilty and self pity as soon as you can so you can concentrate your energies on constructive activities like visiting her regularly and setting up her room with personal things and photographs to make her feel at home in her new place. |
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| Silky Johnson |
Yeah, you just have to remember that she is actually in the best place for her where she will get the kind of care that she needs. It's not easy to care for someone with dementia. Visit her as much as you can. Something you can do is fill her room with personal objects, pictures, familiar things. This transition is often the hardest one people make in their lives, even without having dementia. There is a huge loss of one's sense of autonomy, and people tend to decline very quickly if they haven't got a lot of support.
This happens even where I work, which is a retirement home. It's not the same as a nursing home in that the majority of people are still quite independent and don't require a lot of help with ADLs, they still have a high level of cognitive functioning, etc. Yet the mindset of many people that move in is that they are being punished by their families, that nobody cares about them, or that they're in a lock-down type setting. Even though it's their home and they can pretty much do whatever they please. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| Oh and also, don't blame yourself. I think most people feel guilt when they have to move their loved ones into a care setting. But like butterfly said, you have to think of your own health too. Caregiver stress really takes a toll on people, I don't think a lot of people are really cut out for it. It's a full time job, and that's why there are professionals to do it. |
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| butterfly |
| two of my grandparents, and my husband's grandma live in assisted living/ nursing homes and they like it (they are all in their 90s). they have much better social interaction since they moved there. but the big difference than what jennypie is describing is that they made the decision to move there themselves. they realized that they could not live alone anymore because they were falling too often. |
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| ModernNosferatu |
| quote: | Originally posted by butterfly
i don't think it is terrible to have put your grandmother in a nursing home. you could not have prevented her from getting dimensia and the care there is much better than what you could provide.
my grandmother got dimensia in her 90s and she was always scared because of it. she lived with my mother the last 5 years of her life because my grandparents could not afford a nursing home or assisted living. my mother spent all of her time watching her. She never left the house for more than 2 hours at a time because she was afraid something would happen to my grandmother. since my grandmother died two years ago, my mother has started doing things she wants to do, but ultimately, she selflessly gave up the best 5 years of her retirement to take care of someone else.
i really admire that people want to care for their loved ones like this but you have to remember your own well being, and that your grandma will probably be better cared for by professionals. you are lucky she can afford to have that care. her life is not over yet. you should visit her as much as you can while she still recognizes you, and try to help her be happy in her last years. |
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| ModernNosferatu |
| quote: | Originally posted by igottaknow
Sounds sad but you did the right thing, which is never easy. I would lay off the hard drugs they won't do her or you any good. Get over feeling guilty and self pity as soon as you can so you can concentrate your energies on constructive activities like visiting her regularly and setting up her room with personal things and photographs to make her feel at home in her new place. |
Thanx, I'm not turning intoa junkie beause of it, I have too much going on But I felt like I just needed sn escape last night since the wound was still so fresh. |
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| ModernNosferatu |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
Oh and also, don't blame yourself. I think most people feel guilt when they have to move their loved ones into a care setting. But like butterfly said, you have to think of your own health too. Caregiver stress really takes a toll on people, I don't think a lot of people are really cut out for it. It's a full time job, and that's why there are professionals to do it. |
Yeah I was basiclly working 24/7 and the providers we had here in San Antonio ere lazy and he never really trusted them. Atleast now she gets a fresh person ready to work every 8 hours. |
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| ModernNosferatu |
| quote: | Originally posted by butterfly
two of my grandparents, and my husband's grandma live in assisted living/ nursing homes and they like it (they are all in their 90s). they have much better social interaction since they moved there. but the big difference than what jennypie is describing is that they made the decision to move there themselves. they realized that they could not live alone anymore because they were falling too often. |
Completely understand that ome. Another thubs up. |
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| ModernNosferatu |
Thanx for all who understood my pain and thanx to all the people that made me feel better on this situation, a lot of really good sound advice I got from most people. Appreciate it !!!
<3 ;) |
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| Silky Johnson |
That's another good reason to go around the nursing home a lot. Familiarize yourself with the staff and let them know who you (and your grandma!) are. Try to stay involved in your grandma's life as much as you can. It helps the staff to know who your grandma is, and having a good relationship with them ultimately helps them to better meet her needs. They're there to help you, too. Or at least they should be. Caring for someone never involves just the "sick" person - it's always about the whole family.
I know that up here, we always encourage family members to be involved in their loved ones' care as much possible. It really makes a huge difference in their well-being. Not surprisingly, the residents that do the best where I work are the ones whose families are in to visit at least once a week. |
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| EddieZilker |
| Just gotta say, you seem like you're a good man, Modern N. I don't have any advice other than what's been said, but wanted to throw in my well wishes, all-the-same. |
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