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Akira Live Action Movie...
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| Joss Weatherby |
I knew it was going to be bad... but oh god...
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-act...than-you-think/
oh god.
TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
| quote: | The new Akira is the embodiment of every creepy kid archetype that's ever been, like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter, Damien from The Omen, or Samara from The Ring. He comes complete with all the old Hollywood tropes: He sings "unsettling" nursery rhymes, he carries around a disused stuffed animal, and casually murders people with his mind powers. Notice I put "unsettling" in quotes up there; that's because this script marks the moment when Hollywood officially ran out of genuinely creepy nursery rhymes to accompany their child villain stereotypes:
PLATOON LEADER
It's alright, Akira. Nobody's going to hurt you, son. Just come with us. And it'll all be fine.
The Little Boy looks up, HIS HAIR STANDING ON END, EMITTING A GENTLE PULSE OF STATIC ELECTRICITY as he begins to hum a slow, haunting version of "Frere Jacques." It chills to the bone.
That's not a joke. I did not make that up. And it's not just an isolated moment of laughable Horror ineptitude either, that's Akira's official theme. Every single time he makes an appearance, even if it's just in PTSD Tetsuo's nightmares, the script calls for 'Frere Jacques' to be played.
Clearly, the boys are going to need help defeating such a terrifying - and let's pause this sentence while the snickering dies down - supernatural enemy. Help like Kay, the female lead, who in the original film was a strong young woman that slowly developed the very start of a relationship with Kaneda. By the end of the animated Akira, the two got to a point where they acknowledged that they might care about each other, but never had a chance to act on it -- because it was the ing apocalypse, and his best friend's arm just exploded into a giant tendon-dong while she was being possessed by three tiny geriatric children; they had other on their mind. But not in the remake: There's plenty of time for playful banter and lots of close-ups as Ky randomly strips naked and dons sexy outfits. |
JESUS WHY? |
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| FuzzQi |
" KANEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAA" |
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| Joss Weatherby |
God damn it, the original movie, and the manga... so awesome...
WHY IS IT EVEN CALLED AKIRA!? CALL IT TRAVIS'S BIG GAY OUT or something, it would make just as much sense...
AHHH!
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Joss Weatherby |
The only thing that will be worse is probably the Evangelion live action that is supposed to be somewhere in the pipes.
God... ... AH!
Wow I need to go to bed, this actually has made me angry enough to develop a nervous twitch on one of my eyes. |
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| Moongoose |
| Think about how the last two eps of Eva made you go WTF and then put that into live action. |
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| Sand Leaper |
Well, they have to do SOMETHING to change how dependent the original animated movie was on having read the manga beforehand. The idea of switching the themes of the original to a NYC-setting strikes me as quite intriguing, also.
But yeah, PG-13. The kiss of death. |
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| LAdazeNYnights |
| in the beginning of the movie tokyo is destroyed on the exact day i was born lol |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Moongoose
Think about how the last two eps of Eva made you go WTF and then put that into live action. |
After watching Death and Rebirth and End of Evangelion (originally while reading from a fan translated script and watching at the same time on a ty Japanese VHS) I can say that I ignore the last two episodes.
Except for the alternate reality bit... That just made me wish they had made a whole series set in that universe! |
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| bas |
| That is the biggest pile of horse I have ever read in my life. |
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| EgosXII |
HO-LY- .
Those responsible seriously deserve to be tortured to death. Goddamn it why the did whoever now owns the rights to the original let this atrocity be made? I refuse to believe that Otomo would allow this, I can only assume it was some studio permission... |
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