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Worst roommate you ever had? (pg. 5)
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by srussell0018
I rarely saw him come |
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| keddo |
Looked around on my old laptop anno 2006 that i had during the time but i think i wiped the harddrive since then.
Oh well, basically it was me, this thai-guy that worked as a chef and the brittish med-student (middle aged ~ 28ish).
He was constantly going on about the thai-guy's girlfriend, telling me(and him) how much he would like to her, asking weird questions like "how's her ?" over and over again.
He always started the day with standing infront of the mirror for like 1 hour xD (always underlined that he was a model)
And eh, yeah the thai got fed up with him. What he did after was the whole point of the story. He peed in MY milk in the fridge, dragged MY toothbrush in his behind and peed in the thai's bed xD
well do i have to add that i drank right out of the milk the same night, threw up and then wanted to brush my teeth.
I didn't have anything to do with it ffs! |
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| LAdazeNYnights |
| quote: | Originally posted by srussell0018
He had never drank before, and the first time he went out and got absolutely hammered, he came back and had like a nervous breakdown in my room. Bawling his eyes out talking about how nobody on our hall liked him and everyone thought he was weird. :wtf: |
What did you say?
I have a story about a roomate who had nervous breakdowns on occasion:
I'm bored as so I think i'll give you guys something to quote and say "tl;dr"
For about 3 years I lived with all the same guys. That is, if you consider all dorming together in the freshman dorms and then finding sophomore dorms together/next door, then finally a house our jr year. The house was two years ago. Anyway, we became quite good friends. None of us joined fraternities or anything of that nature and mostly did everything together. It was strange, though, because we were all so different. 7 of us in total, and I think that I'd only really willingly hang out with 2 of them if I hadn't been such a little bitch and just happy to make friends.
So I'll break down the 6 other people:
1) The high school football star/ex-amateur bodybuilder (stopped after staph infection from taking steroids). This guy always boasted about his former steroid and drug use, as well as how money he was going to make in the future and how that was all he cared about (his dad is an author of self help lit, i believe). Came to college with a girlfriend of 4 years who cheated on him with a senior our freshman year. After that he took to drinking 1/2 a fifth of whiskey (at least) every single day, starting as soon as he woke up. Subsequently, he developed a serious coke problem that got him kicked out of school for a year. That 'end of freshman year story' is another one entirely though.
2) the nerdy engineering major who was usually way too busy doing homework to party with us. he was good at video games, generally just a really nice person, and, after drinking with us, learned to hold his liquor. we always thought of him as a bit dweeby so it amazed us to learn that the other engineers looked to him as their alpha-male.
3) the golfer on a full scholarship that he certainly didn't need since his dad had stupid money. he had been a prodigy in high school but since then he developed serious mental problems that he couldn't shake and only made the cut to play in one tournament for our school all 4 years in college. still, the guys all looked to him as their god. it was like my friends worshiped him almost. for his confidence, i suppose, but he was more boyish than any of them seemed to realize.
4) the lacrosse player who would do anything to be #3 and did everything in his power to emulate him and tie the two of them together. couldn't fathom how the other guys did not worship him similarly
5) the one legitimately normal guy (my freshman roommate) who was, above all else, a really kindhearted person who was always there for his friends. He was a bit boyish as well, but always a pleasure to be around.
6) The 5'5 irish kid with serious chest hair and some real facial hair as well. very insecure, and not particularly bright (he's in law school now). he still spells sure "shure". he looked to #3 and #4 and wished he could be like them. even #1. he had no luck with girls. ever.
Anyway, this story is about #6. Come their senior year, this guy was desperate to get laid. He'd see #4 and #3 hooking up with girls at parties. He'd hear #1 constantly talking about sex and how important/cool it was (he rarely got any). He'd see girls sleeping over in my room and hear the guys talking about that. He knew that the other 2 guys didn't care about girls quite as much yet, but god damnit he did. Problem was, he was truly pathetic with 'em. He'd get reallly hammered at a party, find a drunk girl on the couch and start talking to her. If he managed to not frighten her away immediately, he'd end up putting his arm around her, scooting in really close, and then start talking about dragonball z or something completely strange and out there. He'd get denied CONSTANTLY. Eventually couldn't take it anymore. On 5 separate occasions over the year we'd make it home around 2 or 3 and he'd break down sobbing on the floor.
One time, and god this was so ing hard to watch, he broke down to guy #1. #1 was binging heavily on whiskey at the time, and when that happened he fancied himself a god among men. #6 is crying, bawling his eyes out to #1 and asking why he can't get with girls. why they don't like him. then he starts asking why #1 won't help him.
#1 lashes out at him "YOU ING WISH YOU WERE ME BRO."
#6 "sob sob sob..you're right. i do"
#1 "you're ing pathetic. kill yourself. you ing wish you got as many girls as me. you ing wish you looked like me"
----keep in mind he doesn't get many girls and isn't attractive
#6 "i do..."
#1 "YOU ING WISH YOU WERE ME. YOU WISH YOU WER ELIKE ME. YOU"
and that went on for maybe a full hour. #1 just kept saying "i do"
The rest of the guys were just snickering about how stupid #6 was and how cool #1. (Except for #2 and #5)
I pitied him so much, and realized then that I hated almost every single person in that house. |
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| Lagrangian |
| a guy who probably took lots of acid when he lived in Montana. |
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| LAdazeNYnights |
| Also, one time I was kinda drunk and getting freaky with a girl in the pool room. I didn't have a condom on me and was in a hurry so, assuming everyone was asleep, I walked in the house butt ass naked. Turned out they were watching tv downstairs where I walked in. #6 kept staring at my fully erect dong and then the next morning asked me "how was it man. you looked like you were ready to go last night" :wtf: |
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| srussell0018 |
| quote: | Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights
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I didn't say anything. I walked in on him crying to himself so I just turned around and walked out lol |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
| quote: | | Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights |
I now hate every last one of you.
:gsmile: |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
I now hate every last one of you.
:gsmile: |
:haha: |
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| 3xx3r7 |
| My last roommate before I found my own place. Dirty kitchen tables with pink protein powder leftovers everywhere. Microwave with liquid cereal leftovers that solidified into a crust layer. I told him repeteadly to clean that up and it was like that again in two days. When we were moving out and cleaning the place up, his bathroom looked like something you enter with a hazmat suit on. Absolutely horrid and disgusting. So happy I have my own place. No more roomates ever again! |
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| LAdazeNYnights |
| quote: | Originally posted by 3xx3r7
So happy I have my own place. No more roomates ever again! |
YESSS |
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| Lira |
Meh, I've always lived (1) with my family, (2) by myself or (3) with my fiancée. And I like to write, so I'm going to talk the worst thing that never happened to me.
I didn't live with three people (four, depending on how you count) in an apartment no one of us rented next to the university. I'm not going to change their names because I firmly believe we should all be responsible for our acts. And because they don't exist anyway, so why bother?- Anjo, whose real name was João, was a really effeminate undergrad who studied literature. He had blond curly hair and green eyes, hence his nickname. He always made sure he mentioned to everyone he met that he once had a girlfriend in Rio de Janeiro. And that they only broke up because he had to move to Brasília. And that they both owned every single record Madonna ever released. Hey, why the smirk?! He's a born-again Christian who wouldn't ever lie down with a man like he did with his girlfriend! No problem if they were standing though;
- Amélia also studied linguistics, and she was one year behind me. She had an abusive boyfriend who was really nice to everyone... except her. Her iris was pitch dark, really black - and so was her eye on occasion. Did I really make fun of the domestic violence? I apologise, and so did her boyfriend every morning after he spent the night drinking got back home and knocked her and all the furniture about. His name was Antônio, by the way. They both became somewhat passive-aggressive after a while;
- Akiko was the sweet exchange student who spent a couple of years on this side of the world. Her hobbies were cooking, kickboxing, and walking around the house topless to tease João (she always did this when I wasn't home, and according to all reports I was given, the moment he saw her bosom, João would always clasp his hands together in front of his mouth and run away yelling... I never made fun of him because, were I single, I'd most likely have a very similar reaction, although I'd have most definitely run in the opposite direction). She was British, from Swansea. Oh, and she studied biology, by the way.
I always felt like the odd one out, being really different from everyone else. Probably because everybody had a (nick)name that begins with "A", and "Arcus" sounds really stupid. And I actually exist, unlike them. Besides, with the exception of Akiko, everyone behaved as if they had OCD (specially Amélia, who was diagnosed with it): not only was Akiko as disorganised as I am, she was also really dirty. No, not in the good sense, but in the Welsh one. She left so much pubic/public/unknown hair in the shower I always feared a mini-Chewbacca would come to life when the lights went out. She would keep her dishes dirty all week long so she'd grab all the left overs by the end of the week and make her Saturday Stroganoff. Had only Britain and Germany teamed up, I'm sure her SS would've killed more Jews than the German counterpart.
We were one happy dysfunctional family, with the exception of Amélia, who had been diagnosed with depression soon after she moved in. Until, one day, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Except for Akiko, who got really lucky.
14 June 2009
It was Valentine's Day here in Brazil and we all had plans, except for Amélia because she had broken up with her boyfriend the day before. I was going to visit my parents, as I do every Sunday; Anjo would help organise the June Festival of our block (scheduled to take place the following week) with the assistance of some bodybuilders from his church, and Akiko decided to crunch numbers all day long in the library. Meanwhile, Amélia stayed at home eating all the chocolate Easter eggs she saved for about two months (she always took her time because, although I forgot to mention, she was diagnosed with anorexia a while before she joined us)... though I can't really explain why she decided to eat all eggs at the same time.
Now, it doesn't rain from April to September here. At all. You're lucky if you spot a single cloud in the sky during this period. In 2009, however, there was a freak storm on (our) Valentine's Day. It started by the end of the afternoon, when Akiko was coming back home, and it got even worse once she got in. As soon as she entered the apartment, she made sure I wasn't around and took her shirt off, as she used to (besides she was all wet and dripping with the mud a car had accidentally thrown at her). She was so angry at the unsympathetic driver, who failed to notice her existence and offer her a lift home, that she forgot to lock the front door and, soon enough, there was a loud bang and in came Antônio (Amélia's now ex-boyfriend). Looking forward to having some fun after a rather boring day, Akiko ran to the living room and, without paying any attention to anything in front of her, she opened her arms and jiggled her breasts in the hope of hearing Anjo scream. After a second or two of complete silence, she opened her eyes, only to see a stunned and frozen Antônio with roses in one hand and a camera in the other recording his triumphal entrance (now taken to epic levels thanks to our Welsh friend).
"Rrrrurrr... Rurrrr... Amélia?" - somehow that was all Antônio managed to babble in his astonishment.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - they both heard, as Anjo showed up behind Antônio a fraction of a second after Akiko opened her eyes.
Quite scared by Anjo's yell and by how that quite unlikely scene could be interpreted by an ignorant eye-witness, Antônio turned around and promptly tried to explain himself, as Anjo started walking backwards repulsed by Akiko's still dangling breasts. It didn't take long until the pressure built up, Anjo turned around and bolted towards the door, followed by Antônio (still taping everything with roses in his hand) and Akiko (who wanted to explain what was supposed to have happened). They all ran down the stairs (we lived in the third floor): Anjo shouting as if his life depended on the power and range his vocal chords, Antônio repeating "It's not what you think!" over and over again, and a shirtless Akiko whose breasts were now bouncing more than ever thanks to the stairs.
Anjo irrationally ran outside the building like a demented gazelle being chased by a hare, arms dangling as if he had completely lost control of his movements, where the bodybuilders who had given Anjo a lift home and the poor poster writing this story were. Anjo then threw himself against the buffest (is this a word?) body builder, pointed back at Antônio (yes, still taping everything with roses and all) and yelped:
"This bastard is a slimy unfaithful douche!"
Of course, as soon as a topless Akiko appeared before everyone's eyes, it all became clear. Crystal clear. And I wish I was wearing my glasses, so it could all be even clearer but, alas, I wasn't.
"Keep the camera as proof!", I yelled in the best of intentions, as the bodybuilders all charged against what now looked like a piñata with roses.
Amélia, quite startled by all the shouting, finally came to see what was going on... only to see Anjo around the neck of a bodybuilder, hugging him with arms and feet as if he were his scarf, a scantily-clad Akiko protecting her lady parts and trying to reach Antônio at the same time, and the poor fellow with a bouquet of roses carefully inserted exactly where your imagination led you to believe, all beaten up and murmuring something no one could understand. I then handed her the camera, which I got during the commotion, and hoped it would clear things up.
In the end, Akiko landed an awesome job as a model (one of the bodybuilders had a modelling agency) and is now a millionaire. Anjo started dating one of the bodybuilders as did Antônio, who apparently shared a deep connecion with the bloke who thoughtfully signalled his love placing with care and attention the flowers up his rectum. I remained impartial to everything, though I thought it would be a nice moment to move out, and the now jilted Amélia jumped off the balcony. She's all right though, she just can't feel the left side of her body.
And that's it. I'm glad none of this ever happened because, if it did, it would truly suck. |
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| Sushipunk |
| I'm so confused :stongue: |
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