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My story of Depression (pg. 5)
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| djSlain |
I can't believe i left this out, but it relates to trauma similary to LadyLuck's.
I am VERY sensitive to gruesome images. I once wanted to kill and mutilate people, as well as myself, but now i have been almost brainwashed to feel completely disgusted with gruesome images.
Before i was confronted with all this, i used to like going to sites such as Rotten (almost a household name since it's increasing popularity brought on by howard stern) and another site i dare not mention because of it's VERY violent content.
anyways, i used to frequent the sites and nothing would disturb me about them. I'd seen bodies crushed and crippled in every which way. I still wonder why me and so many others have this infatuation to see violent images.
But now it's all changed. I remember the first time i went to the movies alone after being released from the hospital.
The Ring.
I absoluetly loved this movie! however, there were two images that were stuck in my head for a VERY long time and would disturb me in my sleep. The presentation of the girl in the closet and the part in the video were a thumb is pushed onto a thumbtack and all the way through. Me and my friend's shared our expereinces after the movie was released. I was the only one who would sleep on the floor because i feared something would come out from under my bed. I kept seeing mutilated bodies walked to me and opening their bodies when i closed my eyes. The worst image i ever had was seeing a man dig his hands into the middle of his chest and then opening his ribcage with his bare hands.
One night as i worked on the computer i got a sudden image in my head (sorry i don't remember the content) and suddenly i became very paranoid. I saw things moving in the dark and thus i turned off the monitor, leaving the computer running as i quickly ran to my room and got under my sheets. The image kept repeating itself and i was soon joined by new people doing new mutilation to themselves. i ran out of the room and went to sleep in my parents bed. The next day was a happy day.
I've recently seen and read the book and movie "A ClockWork Orange." to those that do not know the story (in brief) it's mainly about a boy going through social reform. He is charged with the murder of another and is sent to a prison. He hears of a quick way out of prison by taking what is called the Ludavicos (sp?) technique. You are strapped to a chair with ur eyelids pried open, watching videos of horrendous graphic images, and when i say horrendous, i mean BRUTAL death caught on tape. He finishes the program and is released into society. He was once a street gang punk, but his psychology has been altered with. He gets sick and disgusted everytime he thinks about doing an evil thing. He has been "programmed" to do only good. yadadada, long story short, ideas of dehumanization and the loss of moral judgement.
Can we possibly be programmed to always feel happy? Sure we take medications, sure we exercize and do yoga, but is there a way to program our minds to always feel positive. And if we ever get depressed, we will get sick and thus, TRY to always be happy. Interesting thought, huh? Anyways, i was somehow going to relate this to LadyLuck, but i've lost the principle. hehee, ok....discuss |
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| i <3 prog |
| quote: | Originally posted by djSlain
...sites such as Rotten (almost a household name since it's increasing popularity brought on by howard stern) and another site i dare not mention because of it's VERY violent content. ... |
www.***********
www.steakandcheese.com
www.scatbitch.com
any of those? i dunno im interested in this ... its weird. if its worse then that please reply the site or pm me the site, i wanna see it. |
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| kewlness |
I don't have much to say here... I haven't been through depression or any disorders like you guys...
But one thing I can say is, I have read every single one of your stories and I find all of them very uplifting... It really has gotten me to thinking and now I see that all the good things that's in my life should not be taken for granted... |
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| dRale |
i <3 prog
.... U IN FREAK U LIKE WOMEN WITH ON THEM AND EATING u freak1!!! u need to go to a mental hospital u sick bastard!!! |
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| dark_tenshi |
Way to go man! I am sure your story brings a lot of hope and strength to people suffering from depression.
My girlfriend has been depressed for almost two years. She's gotten a lot better in the last 6 months. I hope those of you who are depressed do not give up hope because depression is treatable. |
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| Trance RaverVII |
| depressed this that, who gives a , every one goes though it |
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| djSlain |
| quote: | Originally posted by Trance RaverVII
depressed this that, who gives a , every one goes though it |
Exit Stage: Right
Please excuse yourself from this thread |
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| kewlness |
| sigh... there will be always a couple people who are not mature enough to listen to other people's ideas and thoughts |
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| djSlain |
i just wanna share this, as it helped me through my first bout with depression. It was a song called:
Paul Van Dyk - Vega (Starecase remix)
When i was in day treatment, we had a special day simliar to "show and tell." Some people bruoght in dolls, guitar solos, cards... and i brought a CD burned with Vega on it. I had to skip through most of the build up and let it play once the build up was finished.
To say the least, i got SUCH a great response from all my peers. Take into account that the people who were in day treatment were all somewhat depressed, some suicidal and some just crackheads. But people were just so amazed with how they felt when the song was over. Just wanted to recommend to anyone who anyone who is at any level of depression. it's good to relax too.
:) |
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| budahbro |
this song came to mind when i read your first post
Rainy Day Song-The Juliana Theory |
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| cap |
| quote: | Originally posted by LadyLuck13
The Anger part... lets just say that I'm glad people cant read my mind. I have horrible thoughts of doing horrible things sometimes. |
i'm glad for this as well :rolleyes: |
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| djSlain |
what kind of specific thoughts do u have?
for me i had a drift with cannibalism and drinking blood. I also had many fantasies of murdering my friends and also putting a bomb in my teacher's computer.
memories.......memories...... |
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