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Share your jokes!!
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| Platipus |
I haven't heard a good joke lately so, i'm hunting for some new ones!!!
Here's what i got to offer:
Subject: doh.....
John & David were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove in to the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there.
David promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled
John out.
When the medical director became aware of David's heroic act he
immediately ordered David to be discharged from the hospital,as he now
considered him to be mentally stable.
When the director went to tell David the news he said, "David, I
have good news & bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.
The bad news is, John, the patient you saved, hung himself with his
bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
David replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." |
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| hypronix |
| hey, if U want cool jokes try funny.com. it's about all I know..and I sometomes check it too! |
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| Fraggle |
hehehehehe!!! :):):)
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| tranceDJ |
| LOL...thats a good one. |
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| Electric_Hybrid |
This guy calls in sick to his boss and his boss says "When I am feeling down I just get my wife to give me a blowjob. You should try it." Then the sick guy says. "I don't know man I don't really feel up for a blowjob right now." The boss says, "Come on I really need you at the shop today." So the sick guy says "fine I will try it."
About an hour later the sick guy calls his boss back and says, "OK, I'm coming in to work I feel soooooooo much better, thanx for the great advice." The boss says "no problem". Then the sick guy says "Oh buy the way You have a really nice house". |
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| plastikE |
| lol gross gross gross |
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| Platipus |
Some of these are funny, well it hopes if you know a little history!!
6th grade history test.. The following were actual
> > answers to a 6th grade history test:
> >
> > 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
> > all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
> > Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the
> > inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
> >
> > 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where
> > they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
> > without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
> > Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before
> > he ever reached Canada.
> >
> > 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
> > porcupines.
> >
> > 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> > without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
> > also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
> >
> > 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
> > around giving people advice. They killed him.
> > Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his
> > death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
> >
> > 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
> > hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
> >
> > 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
> > battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
> > because they thought he was going to be made king.
> > Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
> >
> > 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
> > cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
> >
> > 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
> > she was a success. When she exposed herself before
> > her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
> >
> > 10. It was an age of great inventions and
> > discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and
> > the Bible. Another important invention was the
> > circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
> > historical figure because he invented cigarettes and
> > started smoking. Sir Fransis Drake Circumsized the
> > world with a 100-foot clipper.
> >
> > 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
> > William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
> > supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
> > and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
> > tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in
> > Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example
> > of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid
> > by Juliet.
> >
> > 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
> > Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next
> > great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
> > Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
> > Regained.
> >
> > 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> > Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
> > Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
> > of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
> > rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
> > divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
> > in 1790 and is still dead.
> >
> > 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
> > Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
> > was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
> > hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing
> > the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April
> > 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in
> > his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
> > show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes
> > Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
> > Booth's career.
> >
> > 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
> > compositions and had a large number of children. In
> > between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
> > up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> > Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so
> > was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and
> > half English. He was very large.
> >
> > 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
> > was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks
> > in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
> > Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
> >
> > 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
> > thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
> > by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
> > invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
> > to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick
> > raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis
> > Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin
> > was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
> > Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became
> > one of the Marx Brothers
Clan Geebs - UT CTF |
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| Fraggle |
hahhaahah...there's some corkers in there!!! :):):)
"Tee hee, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
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| hypronix |
A guy and his chick at the nude beach. A bee gets in her , so they go at the doctor.
He says the guy must dip his dick into honey and that get it inside her so the bee will come. When he feels the bee is on his dick, pull it out.
But the guy is afraid, so the doc does it.
The chik gets his penis all in honey (while he gets incredibly "UP") and then he gets his dick inside. After he stays like this for a while he starts goin' back and forward!
"Doc, what the fuk are you doin'?"
"Change of plans! I'm tryin' to drown the fuker!" |
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| ABTsportsline |
| quote: | Originally posted by bigjimslade002
How Come KEN Has Never Got BARBIE Pregnant? |
Because Barbie doesn't have a Uterus?
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What are pirate movies rated? AARRRRRRRRRRR!
Why was Tigger loooking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
-ABT- |
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| Electric_Hybrid |
Ok here is a dirty joke.....:)
THE HORSE FELL IN THE MUD.:D |
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