|
Another gay advice thread...but mine's a little different (pg. 2)
|
View this Thread in Original format
| Rodrico |
| By the title of this thread, I swear I thought you had turned into a lesbian, im like "WOOHOO, this outta be a wicked thread". God im such a pervert. |
|
|
| Floorfiller |
in all honesty, i'm right with ya jamie. first off, being a student, i make a VERY limited income. and i love to throw it around on people. i mean, if i'm at the bars...i'm buying some people some drinks, i'm always sending packages to my ex in africa etc...i don't really have the shopping for myself problem so much, but i would go with what tribu said...
i think its good that you are starting to rebuild your credit. i actually have pretty great credit because i've always made payments on time and i've taken out car loans etc...but that's a good thing to start getting on top of now while you're still young. |
|
|
| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by igottaknow
The act of buying something gives one a rush of happiness. As you start to get older you realize material goods only provide a temporary high. There are a lot more important things in life than material goods. I know when I'm down or stressed out about something, shopping tends to distract me from my problems. I see no problem sending him ballons, selfless acts are really kool. Oh one other technique buy with cash instead of credit. The realization of how much it cost makes you think about whether you really need it. |
Well it’s a combo of both. Shopping relieves my stress and brings me temporary happiness, but I also spend too much when I’m out. If I go out to dinner w/ my boyfriend and his best friend, if I have the money, I’ll insist on paying. Or I’ll be browsing online and I’ll see a shirt and buy it for my boyfriend for no reason. I love to buy people stuff and surprise them. I mean, I think I’m a pretty overall happy person. I’m pretty content with myself and stuff like that. I am having problems with my mom though and maybe that’s what’s making me sad on the inside. I’ve had probs with her since I can remember, she affects me very negatively. Do you think I shop because I’m miserable and I’m looking for something to make me happier? |
|
|
| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
Well it’s a combo of both. Shopping relieves my stress and brings me temporary happiness, but I also spend too much when I’m out. If I go out to dinner w/ my boyfriend and his best friend, if I have the money, I’ll insist on paying. Or I’ll be browsing online and I’ll see a shirt and buy it for my boyfriend for no reason. I love to buy people stuff and surprise them. I mean, I think I’m a pretty overall happy person. I’m pretty content with myself and stuff like that. I am having problems with my mom though and maybe that’s what’s making me sad on the inside. I’ve had probs with her since I can remember, she affects me very negatively. Do you think I shop because I’m miserable and I’m looking for something to make me happier? |
taking what you just said here into account...it sounds like you love to give people gifts because you are seeking acceptance and affection from those people. what you need to realize is that your boyfriend loves you...you don't need to buy him little things and surprise him all the time if you can't afford to. i'm sure he'd rather you be ok with money than to have an extra t-shirt no matter how sweet the jesture is...and that goes with your relationships with other people as well... |
|
|
| EyesOfExtasy |
| You know what, I am the same way. No matter what advice anyone gives you it isnt going to help because you just wont listen. Face it! This is something that you like to do, and you are asking for advice to help you from doing something you enjoy. If you didnt enjoy it you wouldnt be doing it am I right? Its the remorse afterwards that gets you isnt it. When you realize if I didnt buy these shoes I could have paid this bill, or done something else so much better. Here is what I do now and it tends to help. I go window shopping and I go with no cash or credit on purpose. I spot out the things I like and see how I can work them into my budget when I get my paycheck. Most times when I come back to get the item its 20% off or some . Sometimes it pays to wait an extra week for the items that "just came out". This way I can at least say I got a good bargain and it was less impulsive which gives more logic behind my spending. I tell my BF not to let me spend money but it doesnt hepp because he cant be with me 24/7 and he says even if I try you always come home with something when I am not there so he has just given up. Or you can always shop online first and price match before you go out. If you still want to spend impulsively make sure what you are spending the cash on is the absolute best price you cant find. I will not encourage you to stop spending but I will encourage you to spend wiser. |
|
|
| Slylee |
thanks for the advice tribu!
i can't get any credit cards, so that's good. i work full time at a law firm and get paid pretty decent money...enough to have a car payment and rent and a few other bills...but i go through my spending money like it's nothing.
i did just start school this week so i'll be very busy now. i have trouble prioritizing. i SHOULD be paying off those bills but instead i'm getting a new computer and i want to save up for tables. lol |
|
|
| Massive84 |
Don't know if this is good advice.
Print some small pictures of people that live in the streets, or like poor people that live in thirdworld countries.
Put them in your wallet, each time you open it youl see it, and when you see it, you realize 2 things.
There are people who have it far worse than me, and i should spend my money wisely because i do have the opportunity to spend money.
Second thing you realize will be.
If i keep spending my money like that, ill end up like these people maybe, which you don't want to right?
donno, maybe it will help. |
|
|
| jcosgrove |
therapy.
just control yourself, if you wanna do it then you will do it, its like anything if you want it that much you can get there.... |
|
|
| StereoPrincess |
therapy would be a waste of money.
leave all credit cards at home. walk around with only a certain amount of money. have no way of getting more money. (this is a problem that i ran into) i would carry around a bank card but leave credit at home so to get more money i would just call and transfer cash into certain bank accounts and spend it.
the most important thing is to set a budget for yourself and also record for a month or two regarding your spending. |
|
|
| Slylee |
lol@eyesofextacy that post made me laugh cuz it's so true.
floorfiller, maybe that's it but i can't really say because i don't have that feeling that no one will like me if i don't spend money on them. i know people like me because i'm cool:) lol but i'm sure that has something to do with it...like i'm trying to impress or something. but honestly, if you knew me very well, you would know that i'm the type of person who will give you the shirt off my back or walk over hot coals for you if i really like you, so i think a lot of it is also just cuz i love to make people smile and laugh. it brings me pleasure:) |
|
|
| tribu |
| quote: | Originally posted by EyesOfExtasy
You know what, I am the same way. No matter what advice anyone gives you it isnt going to help because you just wont listen. Face it! This is something that you like to do, and you are asking for advice to help you from doing something you enjoy. If you didnt enjoy it you wouldnt be doing it am I right? Its the remorse afterwards that gets you isnt it. |
Very nicely put. It's no secret that America (and increasingly the world) is a place where we are constantly bombarded with images and messages like: "Buy this product and you will be so happy!@@!one!" or for men: "Buy this product and women will want to have sex with you!1@@!" (equatable to happiness for some/most/all men). This has made the psychological "rush" of buying things even stronger. But with each strong rush, there is almost always an equally strong fall. Anyone who has used drugs knows that this is generally true. You like to buy things for others because you like to see them happy. But as FloorFiller said, these people will love and accept you whether you are buying them things or not. They get a rush of happiness just being in your presence and there is no need for you to transfer your purchasing rush to them. Just dont get caught in the idea that your presence is enough for people to fund you, managae your money/spending as Eyes of Extacy said and things should proceed nicely
| quote: | | i did just start school this week so i'll be very busy now. i have trouble prioritizing. i SHOULD be paying off those bills but instead i'm getting a new computer and i want to save up for tables. lol |
My suggestion is to pay off your bills first. This would be a nice step towards financial responsibility. If you computer now can do the job, do you really need a new one?
*Dont forget to start saving for the future! It is never to early to start setting 20,30,even 50 bucks of each paycheck aside in a savings account... |
|
|
| Slylee |
oh yea, and I have done what you said before princess…about just taking out a little cash and then leaving the atm card at home. I do that before I go to south beach to party. lol good idea, especially because I use the occasional party favors, and once those are in your system forget it.
and I can’t ask my bf to help cuz he’s useless and worse than me. he spends soo much money it’s ridiculous. his car payment is more than his rent, and he only shops at neiman marcus. lol at least I go to discount stores. |
|
|
|
|
