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ways to combat stress & depression (pg. 2)
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| D-res |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ian^
theres a difference between him being depressed and being down. Seasonal changes can affect mood as can any other changes in lifestyle, even ones that seem minor..... |
exactly... this time of the year can be really depressing for a lot of people. the average suicide rate is more than twice as high around christmas than any other time of the year, so your b/f is alone. its natural. just stick by his side and talk to him about it... kinda like what i said above. |
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| Spacey Orange |
| First of all what's stressing him out.? From your first post i can't gather that you even know what it is. |
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| TranCyn |
| quote: | Originally posted by Clovis86
that doesnt look like James Holden either :wtf: |
threadjacking!
james holden grew his hair out see??
greg and i with james holden in jacksonville over the summer...
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| Clovis86 |
| quote: | Originally posted by TranCyn
threadjacking!
james holden grew his hair out see??
greg and i with james holden in jacksonville over the summer...
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Crazy... I didn't know... :wtf: |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
*sigh*
I watched my father go through a 10-year marriage where the woman was just a complete drain at times. She would just suck the fun out of things it seemed - not that it was all her fault, there's some things that my father did to elicit a response, but she just seemed hormonally imbalanced. We were able to see her true colors when she served him divorce papaers out of the complete blue one day - it gave us all some perspective as to who she really was. While they were married and together, it became very easy to just look past it all because...well, they were married, that's because. Now that they are not, it's easy to see the truth - when one person begins the cycle of depression, anxiety, stress, etc... it can only snowball unless somebody does something early on, and that's not even guaranteed to work.
My point of telling this is, make sure you don't look past the fact that he is just being an absolute drain on the relationship and you. I know it sounds quite selfish and ignoble to just look out for yourself first in this scenario, but if he/bouth of you are to survive this, you need to be your strongest. Depression is a very destructive thing- very, very tough to change, as it seems to slowly dissolve at people until they look in the mirror one day and realize what it has made them. I don't necessarily believe that drugs are the answer, as drugs can only bring you so far - the way people get out of depression though, is they WANT to make a positive change, they want to assess their values and goals and they want to make something different out of the pitiful being in the mirror.
If you truly care for him, look him in the eyes and ask him if he is happy with his life. If he has the will to look at his own life, and the ability to be totally honest with the love of his lfie, then you can establish that there is a problem. Sometimes, people don't even realize there's something missing until they've dug 6 feet so far.
When you feel that you can do no more for him, try even harder, if you feel that he is worth it. If the time comes when he has drained so much out of your relationship and you that you feel the need to absolve yourself of him, by all means, do what's best for you. There are too many unhappy people in this world to tie yourself down to - keep a watchful gaze on him, you, and your relationship. Find something positive to focus on - maybe find something to do together. Go play Raquetball or start Capoeira lessons - a distraction is just what people need sometimes - when you have found your calling in life (so few even fervently search for it anymore, it seems), depression is so far removed from even your subconscious focus that it becomes only an echo of a dark time in somebody's life.
Happiest wishes. :happy2: |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ian^
theres a difference between him being depressed and being down. Seasonal changes can affect mood as can any other changes in lifestyle, even ones that seem minor. However too many people are thrown anti-depressants now when they just need reassurance and time, and doctors hand tablets out like sweets...
Bear with him and just do your best to be there, that's all you can do until he wants to tell u anything |
yeah, i think that is a big part of it actually. we met during the summer and spent a lot of our time outside, going for walks, bar-hopping, hiking, taking his motorcycle out... now that the weather is getting cold, it leaves us with less to do. i know i'm starting to feel trapped inside by the weather.
and i agree with the antidepressants being handed out like candy. i hate that. most of those drugs create even more problems.
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: @ the james holden comments |
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| Dave Piazza |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spacey Orange
First of all what's stressing him out.? From your first post i can't gather that you even know what it is. |
After reading the post I came to the same conclusion.
But I also came to another conclusion as to why he might be sad...
Are you giving him enough 'head'? Cuz if lil john isn't getting any action it can may make your b/f really blue. :happy2:
Dr.Piazza Recommends:
2 Advil
and plenty of 'head '
Good Luck. |
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| DaveSZ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Clovis86
that doesnt look like James Holden either :wtf: |
It's Manny the nature guy.
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by itsTrueSonic
maybe it sounds like the current workload he is taking is a toll on him, and he needs to take a break. here are some questions i have compiled for myself when i went through a similar situation he may be going through right now :
how much "free" time does he have with himself?
is he involved with a job with a lot of people interaction or single by himself?
does he do a lot of driving or operate heavy machinery?
how much time does he spend with you? how much time does he spend with his friends? |
him and i spend quite a lot of time together. i think he should spend more time with his friends, and he is - i am going to Sander K by myself on saturday, and he is going paintballing on sunday. i think it may have come to the point where we are becoming TOO close and dependent on each other, and i know that is not healthy at all. he seemed to get a bit jealous and insecure that i am going out by myself on saturday, even though he knows i'll be with all the Chicago TA's and he's met all of them.
his work schedule is also a part of it, i think. before we went to Vegas, he worked a lot of extra hours so that he could afford to take the time off, so he ended up working some saturdays and sundays. he usually has 1 day off during the week, like a monday or wednesday.
| quote: | | well this eliminates you as the problem. some depression is caused by the fact that his life seems nonchalant. the same job, the same gf, the same life.. everything static. |
i know that feeling, but i don't think that our relationship is to blame. everything about our relationship has been wonderful so far. no complaints from either side.
| quote: | | i think the best thing to do for him is to talk to him, and maybe advise him to cut back on his workload or school schedule if he is in school.. the school semester is ending pretty soon, so it's time for him to relax and take it easy. that's my first opinion. my second opinion is maybe something is bothering him that you don't know about. best thing to do is to talk to him. |
he's not in school, but i think cutting back on his workload would definitely help. i'm just not sure how much freedom he has to do that, since he is not his own boss.
thank you for the advice :) |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spacey Orange
First of all what's stressing him out.? From your first post i can't gather that you even know what it is. |
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| quote: | | i am sure he is just feeling stressed out about life in general - he takes on a lot more than most people could typically handle - and it seems to be taking a toll on him. |
i didn't really want to get into specifics, but i will...
1.) he is the president of his condo association, which puts a lot of responsibility on him. they just fired the management company so now he is basically in charge of running the condo. it's just a lot of BS politics and dealing with unhappy old grumpy people.
2.) he has been supporting his mom for the last 8 months. she currently lives with him in his 2-bedroom condo, and he gave up the master bedroom to her and took the 2nd bedroom for himself. so he definitely has less free-space and space to call his own. he plans on buying a duplex next spring for her to live in, so that he can have his place back for himself.
3.) bills and money. there's too many bills and not enough money. although that seems to be a problem for lots of people, including myself.
4.) he makes good money at his job, but isn't doing something he is passionate about. he works in a ty area of town and has to deal with disrespectful, ghetto people. that alone would drive ME crazy, i'm sure. |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dave Piazza
But I also came to another conclusion as to why he might be sad...
Are you giving him enough 'head'? Cuz if lil john isn't getting any action it can may make your b/f really blue. :happy2:
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no problems in that area. ;) we have a very healthy and intense sexual relationship. |
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| itsTrueSonic |
after all that explanation, it tells a lot. gawd damn it .. why didn't you type this earlier? your solution should have been answered at page 1. hahahahahah ... either two things:
-he is going through those "life sucks" stages. everyone goes through that. it's normal. it just looks bad, because it is probably one of his first ever depressions in his life, and doesn't know how to cope with it. he'll get out of it.
-apologies, but he may be one of those jealous types that does not like you going out with your friends. he wants you 100% under his eye. are you his first gf? do you know about his past relationships and how they went? did his previous relationships die because of his jealousy?
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but my best solution now is the job. customers are bugging him, and he is now getting depressed, because he thinks life is like his customers. they suck. |
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