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Advice from the guys.... (pg. 4)
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| Halcyon+On+On |
Marriage is the biggest relationship killer. There becomes absolutely no reason to try anymore - it's like the end of the game. Love turns grey when it's not tested - people grow cold and unwilling, like there's no incentive to continue. If you are happily dating, why is there a call to "take it to the next level"? Because that's what other people do? Other people are in relationships for x amount of months before they hit this stage and then x amount of years before they hit that stage? Is it really like that? And even if it were...it so seldom works out for two people anyways, so why try and stay on some sort of set pattern?
Just as love grows grey over time, so do feelings and passion - for love and passion are not necessarily the same thing. If anything love is a totally independent ideal, and though the perfect relationship is almost totally reliant on it, a push of desire and passion will tip the balances towards equilibrium. Our lives are spent in constant struggle with one another - this is evident on scales as large as 2 opposing nations as it is between 2 opposing genders. Life is war, and love is life. Without the passion and the lust in between, there is absolutely no element of life to balance things out - life becomes grey and soon falters under logic.
That being said, your boyfriend is being idiotic and unreasonable - but with good reason. Indecision is a trait we all possess, because the dangers posed in every true risk (especially the ones that love and committment pose) are just so intimidating to a single person that fear of the unknown becomes all to real - it soon becomes the only thing that seems real, and any sense of love is ignored. You must help him to realize that he is not making any committment to a risk or to an ideal or punishment, but to a person. If he truly loves you, he will understand that your beauty is enough to absolve any sense of fear or doubt in not only the mind, but the heart as well.
If not, then they were only ever words, and not only was he unsure of his willingness to committ to you, but he was also unsure of whether or not he loved you in the first place. It seems very common for the word 'love' to be thrown around far too loosely, and it is only a placation method used by disinterested males in order to secure reproductive potentiality.
This is all keeping in mind that committment, love, passion, and marriage are all different concepts that unfortunately get lost in one another (whether due to interperation or actual utilization is dependent on the situation).
So do guys make sense yet?
Yeah, I know.
But nobody every accused females of being too rational either. :stongue: |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Miss Julia
What's there to worry about if you love the person, and they make you happy?
Shouldn't you feel blessed that you have someone that makes you happy? Love & happiness are not easy to find!! |
falling in love can be very overwhelming if you are young and not ready to settle down or even start thinking about marriage. in my experience, so many relationships end because people just can't grasp the concept that "love" is a powerful emotion and should not be taken lightly. someone ends up cheating or breaking up because they get curious about what else is out there. i think a lot of people over-use the term "i love you" when really they just mean "i like you a LOT" or "i love the concept of this relationship" or "i want to have sex with you REALLY bad", lol.
i am a girl, but i know there have been times when i thought i truly loved someone, yet i would not stay with them. i was just too young. i'm STILL a little scared of settling down with my current bf, although i love him very deeply, i'm only 21.
i'm not a guy but i've had plenty of guy friends and i'd like to think i know a little bit about how the guy's mind works... in this case though i think you just need to sit down and have a serious honest talk with him and find out what's going in his mind. we can all go back and forth all day and assume what this guy is thinking but the only person who really knows is him. every guy is different.
good luck to you. :)
oh, and miss julia... give your dear friend armen a hug for me next time you see him! (its myra, btw) |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Michael19
bad idea! :nervous:
if i was going out with a girl i loved and she broke up with me, i wouldnt bother calling and pretty much cuto ff all contact.
if you take the risk of "i am gonna let him ring me" chances are he wont bother and it will be over for good. |
well i see it like this. if a guy that i was with for over a year was showing signs of second thoughts...i would certainly be hurt and freak out, but i would spring into action and break it off and do my own thing and give him his space. if he is too P*$*% to fight a little and swallow some pride and tell me he wants me back, then screw him. i'd be hurt, but i'd be confident in knowing that there are plenty of other men who know how fight for someone they love and who aren't afraid to express that. |
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| Michael19 |
i dunno if this was mentioned, but the guys past history with girls could be causing this.
if he has been burned seriously by a girl in the past this could be the reason hes afraid of the commitment. |
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| Michael19 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
well i see it like this. if a guy that i was with for over a year was showing signs of second thoughts...i would certainly be hurt and freak out, but i would spring into action and break it off and do my own thing and give him his space. if he is too P*$*% to fight a little and swallow some pride and tell me he wants me back, then screw him. |
haha i hope all girls dont think this way :nervous: |
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| D-res |
| quote: | Originally posted by Miss Julia
So men, answer this:
Can a guy be in love, but at the same time not be ready for a commitment?
If so, please explain...
Thanks in advance!
:) |
thats exactly the situation im in. Im in love but im only a senior in High School so i know im not ready for commitment, because there's far too much i have yet to experience. |
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| NiteMer |
A lot of guys are that way. I think I am like that too. I was hurt once in high school and have trouble let girls get really close now. I find reasons to stop seeing them after a couple of months.
On the other hand, women can be this way too. I have dated a girl, on and off, and she has no clue what she wants and can't make up her mind to anything. It's really irritating.
You have to handle the situation depending on your feelings. Having an open and honest talk is probably the best idea. Communication is really important and you should ask him to share his feelings, even if there is a potential for damage. Don't say anything to freak him out, but ask why he seems to be growing distant. Ask if there are things that are making him uncomfortable with the relationship and talk it out. That's my $0.02. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Michael19
i dunno if this was mentioned, but the guys past history with girls could be causing this.
if he has been burned seriously by a girl in the past this could be the reason hes afraid of the commitment. |
that is no excuse. i've been burned...and especially by my first serious relationship ever in highschool. i was seriously traumatized, got cheated on by my frist love, and he was screwing around with like everyone right under my nose. anyway, everyone gets a clean slate with me:) i know people usually say that you have to earn trust...but i'm the opposite. i trust everyone in the beginning, until they've given me reason NOT to...if they give me reason not to, then they have to start earning it. |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by NiteMer
A lot of guys are that way. I think I am like that too. I was hurt once in high school and have trouble let girls get really close now. I find reasons to stop seeing them after a couple of months.
On the other hand, women can be this way too. I have dated a girl, on and off, and she has no clue what she wants and can't make up her mind to anything. It's really irritating.
You have to handle the situation depending on your feelings. Having an open and honest talk is probably the best idea. Communication is really important and you should ask him to share his feelings, even if there is a potential for damage. Don't say anything to freak him out, but ask why he seems to be growing distant. Ask if there are things that are making him uncomfortable with the relationship and talk it out. That's my $0.02. |
see but some people just don't like to talk about that . i mean, my last girlfriend...was obviously distancing herself from me...i'd ask her to talk to me...no matter how hard i tried...i couldn't get out of her... |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
see but some people just don't like to talk about that . i mean, my last girlfriend...was obviously distancing herself from me...i'd ask her to talk to me...no matter how hard i tried...i couldn't get out of her... |
what's the sense of being in a relationship with someone if you can't communicate openly? i know if i can't open up to a guy about anything, then he's not the one for me. communication is soooo important. |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by lücid
what's the sense of being in a relationship with someone if you can't communicate openly? i know if i can't open up to a guy about anything, then he's not the one for me. communication is soooo important. |
well i don't know...i loved the girl hehehe. she just had a lot of issues coming into our relationship...she still has lots of issues :wtf:...but i have issues too...i can't lie...does that at least hold good for me that i wanted to talk about ? hehehe :p |
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| Michael19 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
does that at least hold good for me that i wanted to talk about ? hehehe :p |
yes, go and tell them to your sectery bitch and you will be well in! |
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