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I'm halfway and a bit to becoming a 40 year old virgin. (pg. 3)
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| astroboy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Tholius
Interesting thread.
Actually isn't the whole point of sex to do it w/ someone you actually care for?
I mean I'm all for people having sex for fun, for experimentation... but when you say have sex w/ someone you don't really care for... I think that's pretty poor considering you're gonna hurt them. Ideally in that scenario there are no strings attached and no-one will get hurt, but there are always strings attached. Moreso, do you know what 'some' level of emotion to actually heighten the experience sex brings? |
I've had sex with more people that I haven't had deep feelings for than vice versa. I have never lied to any of them with regard to my intentions, or lead them on. These days one night stands are so common, it's quite easy to do without really hurting anyone.
Actually I found I got to a stage where it was no longer satisfying to me, and it was harmful for me psychologically and I decided I needed to be more selective about who I sleep with. I don't have regrets because it was a phase I needed to go through, and I still much prefer to have racked up the experience I have.
| quote: | | Another point is that, at least for me, is that I would probably never have sex w/ someone I didn't care for in relation to the potential pregnancy risk. I know, condoms 95%... that's honestly not good enough for me in comparison to having a child w/ someone I give 2 rats about. Just thinking about them having similar personality characters to the female to which I have no feelings for just gives me chills. |
I guess we have what the investment industry would call differing risk profiles. You are more risk averse than me. In the past I've chosen to have casual sex despite the risks (though I have ALWAYS used protection), I've chosen to drink alcohol and smoke despite the risks, I've chosen to recreationally take drugs despite the risks. I've had a great time doing all those things and regret nothing. Now I have calmed down, I only rarely get drunk, never take drugs any more and am not promiscuous like I used to be. But I think all my experiences have not only given me some fun memories of crazy times, but also a much more rounded and worldly personality.
| quote: | | Although, as someone did mention, to not procrastinate it so much that you think sex is the be all and end all of everything... I think that that is really relevant... however, I still think that waiting until it is meaningful for yourself, and you're not kidding yourself and doing it for reasons you're willing to accept and not rationalise is preferable. |
I never needed to rationalise it. I was raised with the understanding that it is good to have sexual experience before you get involved in a serious relationship. Those were my moral standards and I could accept sex for pure physical enjoyment and experience as a valid reason. There was no rationalisation or "kidding myself" involved. SO it depends on the individual, though in principle I agree that if there is one rule it is not to kid yourself and stay true to yourself. |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| tholius, grow some nuts or move to new zealand. |
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| Turbonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I never needed to rationalise it. I was raised with the understanding that it is good to have sexual experience before you get involved in a serious relationship. Those were my moral standards and I could accept sex for pure physical enjoyment and experience as a valid reason. There was no rationalisation or "kidding myself" involved. SO it depends on the individual, though in principle I agree that if there is one rule it is not to kid yourself and stay true to yourself. |
I guess your moral standards were much easier to deal with. Unfortunately for some (me included), we are raised believing that sex has a "higher purpose" or nature. Just makes life more difficult, given the age we live in especially.
Basically, many of us are sitting at home horny as and going insane over it, while our peers are out there having a good every now and again and not giving it much thought, all the while maintaining their sanity and inner peace, or w/e (can't think of a better word). |
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| Vlad |
Ok bro, Im gonna be honest...
That fro you got going on, although its nice and big and people envy it... is not gonna help you score some ass. Its not the most attractive thing,l haviing a big fro isnt gonna make your dick anybigger so just cut it off and stop trying to be different.
Cut that off, get a buzz cut or something and youll find some honies.
/durnk |
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| Tholius |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yan
You're also of the group that believes that you should wait, correct?
Do you think this was a result of influence from your family, your friends, or something that arose entirely independently? |
Are you implying after marriage? Not at all...
In fact, it's a bit late for 'waiting' altogether. |
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| Yan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Vlad
Ok bro, Im gonna be honest...
That fro you got going on, although its nice and big and people envy it... is not gonna help you score some ass. Its not the most attractive thing,l haviing a big fro isnt gonna make your dick anybigger so just cut it off and stop trying to be different.
Cut that off, get a buzz cut or something and youll find some honies.
/durnk |
I'm not looking for honies. :wtf:
I got a haircut, by the way. I haven't posted any pics yet but... yeah. It's like a Pushkin look. :toothless
| quote: | Originally posted by Tholius
Are you implying after marriage? Not at all...
In fact, it's a bit late for 'waiting' altogether. |
Nah. I meant, how is it that you picked up on getting close to a person and only then sharing a sexual encounter? |
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| astroboy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yan
I'm not looking for honies. :wtf:
I got a haircut, by the way. I haven't posted any pics yet but... yeah. It's like a Pushkin look. :toothless
Nah. I meant, how is it that you picked up on getting close to a person and only then sharing a sexual encounter? |
CLICK (NSFW) |
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| Tholius |
| quote: | Originally posted by astroboy
I've had sex with more people that I haven't had deep feelings for than vice versa. I have never lied to any of them with regard to my intentions, or lead them on. These days one night stands are so common, it's quite easy to do without really hurting anyone.
That's fine, I'm all for one night stands...
My only thing in this is that no-one should be misled, etc.
In my opinion if both parties are consenting, have sex all you want, it's fine. However I've spoken to a few females w/ this concept, and whatever their stance, I've basically had a lot of them say there's ALWAYS some level of attachment, which leads to feelings of hurt.
Now ideally... if that weren't the case, it'd be great. If we acknowledge their opinion, then we might have a problem.
Actually I found I got to a stage where it was no longer satisfying to me, and it was harmful for me psychologically and I decided I needed to be more selective about who I sleep with. I don't have regrets because it was a phase I needed to go through, and I still much prefer to have racked up the experience I have.
That's fine also... I have no quams about that.
For me, I've always been selective w/ who I sleep w/ because if I find I'm not satisfied w/ myself for accepting anything less.
And the notion is a bit sketchy to me, I don't really do it get 'experience'... I mean, all girls are different, so when you get into a relationship w/ them, although your experience counts a little, it's moreso you communicate w/ them what they like.
I guess we have what the investment industry would call differing risk profiles. You are more risk averse than me. In the past I've chosen to have casual sex despite the risks (though I have ALWAYS used protection), I've chosen to drink alcohol and smoke despite the risks, I've chosen to recreationally take drugs despite the risks. I've had a great time doing all those things and regret nothing. Now I have calmed down, I only rarely get drunk, never take drugs any more and am not promiscuous like I used to be. But I think all my experiences have not only given me some fun memories of crazy times, but also a much more rounded and worldly personality.
More risk averse? Yes, I'd agree w/ that. Sometimes it's detrimental in the fact that it sometimes hinders my spontaneity, and I over analyse things... but thta's my character, although I choose at times to dim it down, I find it more beneficial in not only relationship wise, but in my day to day life... in comparison w/ any potential hindrance it brings about.
But make sure you acknowledge thta just because I selectively choose who I sleep w/ doesn't make me less likely to 'crazy times' lol... and again, a "much more rounded and worldly personality"... tht's quite subjective...
I never needed to rationalise it. I was raised with the understanding that it is good to have sexual experience before you get involved in a serious relationship. Those were my moral standards and I could accept sex for pure physical enjoyment and experience as a valid reason. There was no rationalisation or "kidding myself" involved. SO it depends on the individual, though in principle I agree that if there is one rule it is not to kid yourself and stay true to yourself. |
Tht's fine as well...
That's just out differences in "risk aversiveness" as you put it...
Personally I think we have the same notion, just go about things differently for whatever reason |
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| Lomeli |
| Virginity is overrated. |
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| Tholius |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
tholius, grow some nuts or move to new zealand. |
Oh, and relating back to you, I really don't believe in incest either. |
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| Tholius |
| quote: |
Nah. I meant, how is it that you picked up on getting close to a person and only then sharing a sexual encounter? |
Rephrase? |
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| Yan |
:haha:
I've never seen that.
| quote: | Originally posted by Tholius
Rephrase? |
The opinion that you put forth in your original post. Where did that develop from? Had you sat down with you folks when you were younger and then followed their advice since then? Or was it your friends experiences that influenced you? |
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