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Love sucks (pg. 6)
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| nrjizer |
This girl was trying to control your life and who you are.
Relationships are about compromise. Her asking you to quit partying/drinking/smoking 100%, to completely abstain, is NOT a compromise. Especially when you're saying that you only really party once a week or so to begin with.
I know it hurts, I know it seems like you're at fault and that you should change. But trust me, do not. Becuase if she's demonstrating her inability to compromise right now, and her desire to control you and who you are, then regardless of whether you change now, she will just threaten to leave you again in the future over some other dumb thing.
I am in the same boat as you are. My ex-girlfriend... when we met, we were perfect together. Same interests, same vulgar sense of humor, passionate, loving... she was a wonderful person. But as soon as she got comfortable with me, she started taking out all of her stress and aggrivations onto me. She manipulated me, rarely compromised with me, acted completely selfish... generally being an overall . She had a lot of rough going on in her life, so I tried to put up with as much as I could, hoping that she would start treating me better. She did for a short while, but ultimately she never changed. Our relationship ended when she left me for her ex with whom she was in a long distance relationship prior to us meeting... she claims she loved him more because he would just "accept" her. Meaning, he would put up with her being a selfish to the ends of the Earth. He would be her doormat.
And sure enough, that's exactly how she treats him. As her doormat. She convinced him to move 1000 miles to be with her so that they could "realize their dreams and start a life together." He came down all this way, and how does she repay him? By ing some other guy on the side. And he puts up with it.
Now I'm not perfect. But I damn sure don't use other people to take out my frustrations, or to be my ing doormat. I deserve better than this girl, and just about everyone I've ever consulted for their advice has advised me--long before she finally left me--that she was no good and that I deserved better. I know that I'm much better off without her and her ed up games. But despite that, my heart still hurts.
Try and be strong and realize that the person worth marrying is one that won't try to stop you from partying--she'll be the one who goes out and parties with you. There's nothing wrong with committing to a relationship at your age, but there's no reason to settle down at age 23. There's a lot more life to live. |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
| quote: | Originally posted by nrjizer
This girl was trying to control your life and who you are.
Relationships are about compromise. Her asking you to quit partying/drinking/smoking 100%, to completely abstain, is NOT a compromise. Especially when you're saying that you only really party once a week or so to begin with.
I know it hurts, I know it seems like you're at fault and that you should change. But trust me, do not. Becuase if she's demonstrating her inability to compromise right now, and her desire to control you and who you are, then regardless of whether you change now, she will just threaten to leave you again in the future over some other dumb thing.
I am in the same boat as you are. My ex-girlfriend... when we met, we were perfect together. Same interests, same vulgar sense of humor, passionate, loving... she was a wonderful person. But as soon as she got comfortable with me, she started taking out all of her stress and aggrivations onto me. She manipulated me, rarely compromised with me, acted completely selfish... generally being an overall . She had a lot of rough going on in her life, so I tried to put up with as much as I could, hoping that she would start treating me better. She did for a short while, but ultimately she never changed. Our relationship ended when she left me for her ex with whom she was in a long distance relationship prior to us meeting... she claims she loved him more because he would just "accept" her. Meaning, he would put up with her being a selfish to the ends of the Earth. He would be her doormat.
And sure enough, that's exactly how she treats him. As her doormat. She convinced him to move 1000 miles to be with her so that they could "realize their dreams and start a life together." He came down all this way, and how does she repay him? By ing some other guy on the side. And he puts up with it.
Now I'm not perfect. But I damn sure don't use other people to take out my frustrations, or to be my ing doormat. I deserve better than this girl, and just about everyone I've ever consulted for their advice has advised me--long before she finally left me--that she was no good and that I deserved better. I know that I'm much better off without her and her ed up games. But despite that, my heart still hurts.
Try and be strong and realize that the person worth marrying is one that won't try to stop you from partying--she'll be the one who goes out and parties with you. There's nothing wrong with committing to a relationship at your age, but there's no reason to settle down at age 23. There's a lot more life to live. |
Excellent advice. |
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| adi26 |
| quote: | Originally posted by nrjizer
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+1000
There is absolutely no need to change yourself.
In time you realise that what's happened now is a HUGE blessing in disguise. Te heart ache now will make you a lot more stronger - mentally and emotionally and you will have a much clearer idea of what you want in future relationships...
You will be happier....
So start going out and have fun :) |
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| eXo |
| quote: | Originally posted by nrjizer
This girl was trying to control your life and who you are.
Relationships are about compromise. Her asking you to quit partying/drinking/smoking 100%, to completely abstain, is NOT a compromise. Especially when you're saying that you only really party once a week or so to begin with.
I know it hurts, I know it seems like you're at fault and that you should change. But trust me, do not. Becuase if she's demonstrating her inability to compromise right now, and her desire to control you and who you are, then regardless of whether you change now, she will just threaten to leave you again in the future over some other dumb thing.
I am in the same boat as you are. My ex-girlfriend... when we met, we were perfect together. Same interests, same vulgar sense of humor, passionate, loving... she was a wonderful person. But as soon as she got comfortable with me, she started taking out all of her stress and aggrivations onto me. She manipulated me, rarely compromised with me, acted completely selfish... generally being an overall . She had a lot of rough going on in her life, so I tried to put up with as much as I could, hoping that she would start treating me better. She did for a short while, but ultimately she never changed. Our relationship ended when she left me for her ex with whom she was in a long distance relationship prior to us meeting... she claims she loved him more because he would just "accept" her. Meaning, he would put up with her being a selfish to the ends of the Earth. He would be her doormat.
And sure enough, that's exactly how she treats him. As her doormat. She convinced him to move 1000 miles to be with her so that they could "realize their dreams and start a life together." He came down all this way, and how does she repay him? By ing some other guy on the side. And he puts up with it.
Now I'm not perfect. But I damn sure don't use other people to take out my frustrations, or to be my ing doormat. I deserve better than this girl, and just about everyone I've ever consulted for their advice has advised me--long before she finally left me--that she was no good and that I deserved better. I know that I'm much better off without her and her ed up games. But despite that, my heart still hurts.
Try and be strong and realize that the person worth marrying is one that won't try to stop you from partying--she'll be the one who goes out and parties with you. There's nothing wrong with committing to a relationship at your age, but there's no reason to settle down at age 23. There's a lot more life to live. |
This is the post I have been waiting on all night, thank you so much. |
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| nrjizer |
| quote: | Originally posted by eXo
This is the post I have been waiting on all night, thank you so much. |
No problem, just remember dude, you have to stay strong and keep your head clear. I know it's hard. I know it hurts like a mother******. I know becuase I've got plenty of hurt of my own right now.
Just remember that you deserve someone who treats you right. Someone who's mature enough and loves you enough not to treat you that way. As hard as it may be to accept, it's probably a damn good thing she showed her true colors before the two of you were married. As I learned with my ex, as soon as they get comfortable and secure, any bull hiding beneath the surface will come out in full force. And she and I were only together for 5-6 months before that happened... god knows what it would be like if we ever had married.
In the end, it's for the best....
Doesn't make it any less lonely though
:( |
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| Rainborn |
| Love is sooooo nice. Love is so fragile. |
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| Slylee |
Oh and might I add that while I agree with a lot of what nrjizer said, at the same time, if someone is out partying and doing drugs a lot and still trying to live the single life while in a relationship, I can kind of understand the girl’s frustration. I mean, it’s not like she was telling you to quit listening to Edm…THAT would be asking you to change who you are as a person. But if she just wanted you to settle down a bit more and quit w/ the partying and stuff, then I don’t see that as her trying to control and manipulate you and change you as a person. She just wants you to act more like a couple.
And I’m not really talking about your situation exo, because I think I read that you weren’t partying that much (or so you say, there’s always two sides to the story;P) but I just mean in general.
I went through that with my ex (the one I did way too many drugs with all the time) and we started to have the same problem, but I mean, it was ridiculous. 8balls of coke every weekend, strip clubs, him going out and me wanting to stay in, so I’d be like, “fine go out, but please don’t get all crazy” and of course he’d lose his phone and get ed up on pills and come strolling in the door at like 9 in the morning the next day. Meanwhile I hadn’t slept at all because I was really upset and worried. I told him it had to stop and he acted like I was this controlling, needy, psycho (ok so maybe I’m a little needy, but I’ve seen worse out there), but really, I don’t think I was asking much. I just wanted a little normalcy in our relationship and for him to quit doing things like drinking and driving and not coming home and to have a little more respect, and most importantly...to grow the up (he’s 30). |
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| nrjizer |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
Oh and might I add that while I agree with a lot of what nrjizer said, at the same time, if someone is out partying and doing drugs a lot and still trying to live the single life while in a relationship, I can kind of understand the girl’s frustration. I mean, it’s not like she was telling you to quit listening to Edm…THAT would be asking you to change who you are as a person. But if she just wanted you to settle down a bit more and quit w/ the partying and stuff, then I don’t see that as her trying to control and manipulate you and change you as a person. She just wants you to act more like a couple.
And I’m not really talking about your situation exo, because I think I read that you weren’t partying that much (or so you say, there’s always two sides to the story;P) but I just mean in general.
I went through that with my ex (the one I did way too many drugs with all the time) and we started to have the same problem, but I mean, it was ridiculous. 8balls of coke every weekend, strip clubs, him going out and me wanting to stay in, so I’d be like, “fine go out, but please don’t get all crazy” and of course he’d lose his phone and get ed up on pills and come strolling in the door at like 9 in the morning the next day. Meanwhile I hadn’t slept at all because I was really upset and worried. I told him it had to stop and he acted like I was this controlling, needy, psycho (ok so maybe I’m a little needy, but I’ve seen worse out there), but really, I don’t think I was asking much. I just wanted a little normalcy in our relationship and for him to quit doing things like drinking and driving and not coming home and to have a little more respect, and most importantly...to grow the up (he’s 30). |
True, but from how eXo has made it sound, he was only going out once a week or so anyways to begin with, and that his ex demanded that he go 100% sober and not go out at all. That's not a compromise--that's controlling.
Hell, I think that you've found someone really special when they'll want to come out and have fun with you on the weekends. |
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| eXo |
| quote: | Originally posted by nrjizer
True, but from how eXo has made it sound, he was only going out once a week or so anyways to begin with, and that his ex demanded that he go 100% sober and not go out at all. That's not a compromise--that's controlling.
Hell, I think that you've found someone really special when they'll want to come out and have fun with you on the weekends. |
Which is weird man, our first year together, she did go out with me, and would even drink, then she quit drinking herself, and told me I had to quit drinking.
I mean, I only drank one night a week, I wouldn't even drink during the week or anything. |
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| Spike |
| quote: | Originally posted by eXo
Which is weird man, our first year together, she did go out with me, and would even drink, then she quit drinking herself, and told me I had to quit drinking.
I mean, I only drank one night a week, I wouldn't even drink during the week or anything. |
thats pretty crazy...from ur posts you sound pretty reserved and conservative...i mean 1 night of drinking??? thats nothing..and for her to tell you to stop?! couples need SOME time apart...being together all the time is just a little wierd.... |
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| Slylee |
| yea that's ridiculous exo. sorry you're hurting:( i've been going through the same thing, but i'm much better now. get out and date! have fun, stay busy, be safe...that's the only thing i can really say, other than time heals. |
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