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Story time...
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| Slylee |
Ok I’ll try to make this as short as possible but it’s probably going to be long anyway. Just want to give some background info. because I feel like it’s crucial in making a decision about the situation. And also, I just feel like venting about it and writing it out.
Growing up, I had a best friend whom I was attached to the hip with. We got in all kinds of trouble together, had our curious lesbian experience together in 8th & 9th grade. She was like a sister to me. But as she got older, she became bitchier and bitchier. She had ed up parents and a really ed up older sister whom she looked up to even though her sister was a trashy coke dealing club whore with a kid.
So my senior year of high school (after returning from Japan…I didn’t really keep in touch with her that much during my 2 years in Japan) we got right back to being buddies again. She didn’t hesitate to introduce me to “e” and other drugs and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was actually a sweetheart. He worshiped the ground she walked on.
She starts popping xanax and smoking weed constantly while on prozac. TOTAL bitch by the end of the year. She was never really a great friend to me at all (even in middle school she was moody). She constantly had drama in her life and she was the type of person you always had to walk on eggshells around. Like everyone had to please her…she gave off that vibe. Total diva. I had a pretty strong personality back then, as I do today, but I was only like that around people I was comfortable with. I wasn’t as confident back then, so I sort of took a back seat to her the entire time we were friends. I was always there for her, but she wasn’t really there for me. I feel like she just kept me around because she knew she could depend on me and I made her feel better.
Fast fwd to the summer after we graduate. She’s really ing up by now…has sex with like 3 guys that summer…while she’s still w/ the boyfriend whom I’m really good friends with at this point, and it bothers me that she’s doing this because he was good to her. Not to mention, she starts stealing money from her parents. Took her mom’s credit card and went shopping and lied about it.
Towards the end of the summer, she leaves for Vegas to go visit her aunt whom she hadn’t seen in forever. While she’s in Vegas, her parents find out about the credit card thing, and they write her a letter telling her she’s not welcome back into their home. So she stays out there and finds a job and lives w/ the aunt. I try to keep in touch with her, but I really had no desire to. Her boyfriend and I ended up getting wasted one night and we both had this big heart to heart about her and he told me all these rotten things she had said about me and that he was always sticking up for me with her and telling her that I was a good friend and asking her what her problem was with me. I was crushed. So naturally, I told him about the guys she ed (he had already heard a ton of rumors and had accused her, but had no real evidence).
We both got really upset with her and a couple nights later he has people over his house for a party and totally comes on to me and we end up hooking up with each other as a rebound. I mean, we didn’t announce this was the reason, but it was pretty obvious why we hooked up. I felt bad, but at the same time, I was like, “ her”.
She has made attempts to reach out to me a lot over the past like 5 years. Always calls me when she’s in town…well, she calls my mom’s house and I never called her back. I saw her one time about 4 years ago during Christmas. She had her kid with her (she has 3 ing kids now and is married). It was kinda fake. I didn’t really enjoy being with her and seeing her. I brought her kid a little stuffed treefrog to be nice and all that, but after that, I didn’t speak to her any more.
Well now she is reaching out to me again through email and asking me if anything is wrong and why I never call her back and if she did anything to hurt me in the past, that she’s sorry and bla bla bla. She said she could really use someone who "knows her" right now. I’m thinking, “knows you??” I don’t ing know her. And she doesn’t even know anything about me. We’re totally different now. She said she always thinks of me when her son has his little stuffed toy I gave him...she's being all sappy.
I wrote her back explaining to her that we spent a great deal apart during a time when we probably did the most growing up, and that we don’t really “know” each other at all, and that I feel like it would take a lot of time and effort to become friends again at this point in our lives. I said that I never called her back because I wasn’t willing to do that because I’m just too busy right now and sort of over her...I just felt like being brutally honest. I also explained to her about how in the past, she wasn't a good friend to me at all, and that I just got fed up and moved on a long time ago. It was a very blunt, maybe even a little harsh email, but she asked, so I told. I ended it by telling her that I did have a soft spot for her and that my door is open, but that I’m just really busy lately and I would try to get back to her if she called me and I gave her my cell phone.
She wrote back saying she feels better knowing how I felt, and that it took her a really long time to figure out how to be a good friend and that she hopes she can make it up to me some day. She said she'll call me "when the time is right". I can tell she’s not happy with her husband and she’s probably miserable, but my attitude is like, "oh well, not my problem".
To me, I just can’t be bothered right now. It’s not that I’m still mad at her, I’m just a different person and she’s on the other side of the country. When I get dicked over like that, I tend to really shut my feelings off. I mean, there's just nothing left for her. I'm totally numb about the whole thing. It’s too much work to “catch up” with her now.
Am I being a heartless bitch? I’m not one to continue being friends with someone out of obligation or just because we grew up together. That’s not a good reason to stay friends with someone at all as far as I’m concerned.
Of course my mom feels bad for her and thinks I should make an effort to talk to her, but I don't really care.
How would you guys act or feel? |
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| Slylee |
COR version:
my old best friend who was always a bitch to me is trying to reach out to me now and make things better, but i'm not interested.
:toothless |
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| Masonious |
| coooooold bloooodeeeed |
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| Ivand |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
COR version:
my old best friend who was always a bitch to me is trying to reach out to me now and make things better, but i'm not interested.
:toothless |
pull an Aristronica and kill the bitch |
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| RJT |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i'm not interested. |
:gsmile:
But honestly - her. If you're not interested, just cut her off. It's generally my last resort, but when people just don't take the hint that I want nothing to do with them, I just drop them. Don't answer calls, don't reply to emails, nothing. In situations like this, you're in complete control of who you want to be a part of your life - if you don't want someone around, simply don't even acknowledge their existence. Trust me - I know what it's like when you can't be bothered by folks who pretty much won't leave you alone. ;)
This will generally piss people off, but it works if you stick to your guns.  |
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| Slylee |
i tried to edit it and make it shorter, but it's still long lol
oh well. it's not going to be hard for me at all to stick to my guns...if i don't like someone or want to talk to them, trust me, i'm just like that mikey. something inside of me just shuts off like a switch. but obviously, a part of me is kind of doubtful a little...just wondering if i'm being too harsh, and if i should feel like i owe it to her because we go way back... |
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| RJT |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i tried to edit it and make it shorter, but it's still long lol
oh well. it's not going to be hard for me at all to stick to my guns...if i don't like someone or want to talk to them, trust me, i'm just like that mikey. something inside of me just shuts off like a switch. but obviously, a part of me is kind of doubtful a little...just wondering if i'm being too harsh, and if i should feel like i owe it to her because we go way back... |
If you have any doubts, it sounds like your "switch" needs to be rewired ;)
It may sound cold, but I've gotten really good at cutting the rotten people out of my life - there simply aren't enough hours in a day for me to worry about people who don't really matter in the long run. |
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| stren |
| reestablishing yourself as a bitch eh ? |
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| Omega_M |
| thank god you also wrote a core version. I just read the second post. :o |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
What a big read that was.
Sounds like your old best mate has had a real big shock. Running around carefree screwing people over and she's got the bad deal in the end. Your the one with a bright and sucessful future ahead of you and she's the one who's messed up. If you contact her I'd assume it'll probably just bring a lot of negativity into your world. You'll call her and the whole call will probably be her ranting on about her life and how she's not happy.
If she wasn't a good friend in the first place don't bother with her then your better off without her.
| quote: | | She was never really a great friend to me at all (even in middle school she was moody). She constantly had drama in her life and she was the type of person you always had to walk on eggshells around. Like everyone had to please her…she gave off that vibe. Total diva. I had a pretty strong personality back then, as I do today, but I was only like that around people I was comfortable with. I wasn’t as confident back then, so I sort of took a back seat to her the entire time we were friends. I was always there for her, but she wasn’t really there |
Unpredictable people are the worst. Every group of mates has it's strong personalities unfortunatly some occasionally have a severly insecure character. When you have someone like this the focus of the friendship ends up being on them and their needs as everyones going out of their way to make the person in question happy. People like that are a drain other people, no one has the freedom to be themselves.
| quote: | | Of course my mom feels bad for her and thinks I should make an effort to talk to her, but I don't really care. |
Did your Mum ever get to see the real diva version of your friend? Some of my mates were right little hoodlums when we were younger all it took was 'Hello Miss O'Callaghan how are you?' and my Mum would say 'what great lads your friends are Keir' |
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| Slylee |
Oh yea, and might I add that I believe that she has a BIG part in the reason why I’m very hesitant of getting close to girls. I only got really close and attached to one other girl after her and this was like 3 ½ years ago and she ended up sort of dissing me for a guy too, and I got really hurt and pissed, but that’s a whole other story. I just simply don’t get very close with girls. I mean, I have lots of girlfriends these days, but I don’t confide in them that much or let myself get close. We just party together and shop together, but that’s it.
O'callaghan...you hit the nail on the head and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond. That's exactly how I feel and exactly how things were. I never really had a chance to shine around her because like you said, she was always the focus, and she drained me. I was always just "her friend" and i wasn't comfortable with that label. I felt like her bitch or something.
I explained things to my mom, and I can tell that she totally knows where I'm coming from, but I can also tell she's like, "Oh Jamie, just call her". But she's not pushing me too, so that's cool. I think my mom respects my decision, but at first she was bugging me to call her, and it made me doubt my actions and feelings. |
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