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strange parental relationships (pg. 5)
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| lücid |
interesting thread with lots of interesting responses.
my mom is one of my best friends in the whole world. she lives in NY and i live in WI so we only get to see each other 3 or 4 times per year, but we talk on the phone at least once a week. we used to not get along so well back when i was a bratty teen, but once i moved out of her house at the age of 16 and started growing up we became better friends... and now i feel comfortable telling her lots of stuff and talking to her like an adult. i've definitely become more honest with her over the last few years. she's also been super supportive of my DJing, and its really interesting to talk about music with her since she's a musician as well. i never thought she'd be able to understand electronic music and the whole club scene, but she actually has said some really brilliant things that made me think about it in a different way.
my dad on the other hand... we've never really had what i would call a "relationship." i mean he was around when i was a kid, but my parents didn't get along for many years and then they finally divorced when i was 13 (perfect age huh? man was i ever a ing psychotic brat back then, lol)... and after that, he didn't really attempt to see me or have any sort of relationship, and when he did he was usually an about it. he sends me money sometimes and we talk maybe once or twice per year for no more than 10 or 15 minutes, but that's about it. i consider RJT's dad more of a father figure to me than my dad ever was.
RJT has what i would consider the perfect relationship with his parents. i envy him so much for it but i'm happy to be dating a guy with such a wonderful family. his parents are like my Wisco parents, heh. |
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| Slylee |
i used to tell my mom everything, but now i lie to her constantly. it's strange. i love her and we get along great now, but i learned the hard way not to tell her every little thing about what's going on with me, because she always uses it against me later on during a fight. especially when it comes to guys i talk to or date. she seems to have a problem when i'm out on a date or with a guy...but if i just tell her i'm out with a girlfriend, she won't bother me for details or get all nosey about my evening. it's weird.
so yea, i just lie to her all the time. |
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| RJT |
| quote: | Originally posted by lücid
RJT has what i would consider the perfect relationship with his parents. i envy him so much for it but i'm happy to be dating a guy with such a wonderful family. his parents are like my Wisco parents, heh. |
Everything I have in life, I owe to them  |
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| AndreaCKY772 |
yeah...she's still not talking to me. i suppose when i move back up to school on sunday is when we will start talking. no lie, my mom can and has ignored me for weeks. she is stubborn as hell. she has done the same to my sis who is older than i. she ignored my sis for months one time.
and slylee, i lie to my mom a lot too. it shouldn't be that way, but the way she acts forces me to.
thanks for all the responses, it was interesting to see how you guys interact with your parents and whow you deal with situations. i'm only learning more and more to use the childish ways of my mother and turn them into my strengths. learning what NOT to be now and when i'm older/a parent and strengthening my skin. before, i would tear myself apart when ever she would ignore me and smirk at anything i had to say to her whenever we argued. now, i know a lot better. she will never change, so it's something i will have to deal with. :cool: |
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| Frenchie |
I have the perfect relationship with me mom, and my friends envy it. She's been there for me through everything. My stupid man problems, my schooling, the cost of all the dancing and putting me through soccer school, my "teen drama days" and even my little mellow dramatic moments that I go though now. We're best friends and I don't think that I would want it any other way. She's the type of mom that is just so chill, and so laid back, yet has that evil look she gives you when you've done something wrong, aka "the stare", or she says my full name. We can go out to dinner together, we've gone out and drank together, I took her to see Armin, oh yes, my mom and I saw Mr. Buuren together.
I don't know why you feel the need to lie to your parents, especially between mother and daughter. Most people lie when they're afraid, or avoiding the truth but when it comes to your parents you shouldn't have to lie. I think the only time I lied to my mom was when I was 5 and I told her I didn't eat all the chocolate covered peanuts. I tell the truth and then deal with what ever the consequence is.
My dad's an alcohol , who should fall off a cliff. the end. |
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| AndreaCKY772 |
thats always awesome to have a good relationship with the parent or parents.
i lie to my mom because i don't want to hear her judgmental opinions. i lie to her because it's so much easier to avoid silly conflict that she will bring up. i just hate telling her stuff that's going on in my life because most likely she will:
a) she doesn't give a damn
b) she won't like it
c) she'll conclude something is wrong with me
for example, i was telling her my spring semester classes and when i told her i was taking chemistry she sounded upset that i wanted to take chemistry and i didn't even bother telling her i was taking "asian homosexual stories/studies" because she would complain about that.
she just isn't impressed with a lot of the stuff i do in life. it's not like i'm a drug addict, alcoholic or a wild child that needs to be put into place but whatever. she's very closeminded and when i took japanese language courses she didn't like it. "why are you taking japanese?" she asked me in a disdained manner. she would love it though if i took courses on barbados...or subjects that SHE likes.
also, if i tell her i'm feeling upset about something and tell her what's on her mind, most likely she will put me in the blame for it and say something is wrong with me. she tells me i can talk to her about anything , but that's not true 90% of the time because of her additude.
some silly she gets upset at me for:
-the fact i have more male friends than female. she says there is something wrong with that.
-the music i listen to. i remember when i was 14 or so, i programmed tori amos show on tv and she got MAD at me for listening to her music.
-the incident i mentioned in the first post
-going out with friends at night. she even got mad when my 26 year old sister went out at night with her friends too. sometimes she would ignore us over that. when my sis moved out, my sis was ignored for about half a year or a little more.
-some of the tv shows or movies i watch.
-she got mad at me when i used to read cosmo magazine.
i could go on and on...
we don't have much in common... it's very complicated though because she has a very loving side but she has a very razor sharp side and she has the ability to make someone feel like they are basically worthless. |
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| idoru |
My family weirds me out. We're all close, and none of us have ever fought. I'm three years older than my brother and we've only ever yelled at each other when we didn't think something was fair. The one time I thought my parents were fighting was when I was about nine and they were just having a small discussion over something. They've never yelled or screamed at each other, gone in their room and locked their door (unless they were getting it on) or anything.
My dad's my hero. Had it not been for constant exposure to music through my childhood because of him, I wouldn't be here. He's one of the hardest working people I know; as a kid I loved going into the restaurant he managed and watching him run around and work, and I still love doing the same thing at his current job. He's always cutting out various magazine articles about club DJ'ing and music and such and gives them to me; even though he doesn't know they don't pertain to what I listen to, I still really appreciate the thought. His sense of humor, as well. I can't really describe it, you'd have to see it firsthand.
My mom just rocks. She's supportive, funny, and only now am I beginning to realize that she's a great person to sit down and talk to when I need to vent or ask for advice. Plus she bakes me snickerdoodle cookies, and I loves me my snickerdoodles.
If you want to know about my little brother, just ask anybody on Stickam about Muffin Pants... |
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| gehzumteufel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Frenchie
oh yes, my mom and I saw Mr. van Buuren together.
I don't know why you feel the need to lie to your parents, especially between mother and daughter. Most people lie when they're afraid, or avoiding the truth but when it comes to your parents you shouldn't have to lie. I think the only time I lied to my mom was when I was 5 and I told her I didn't eat all the chocolate covered peanuts. I tell the truth and then deal with what ever the consequence is.
My dad's an alcohol , who should fall off a cliff. the end. |
fixed.
and they have to lie because their mothers/parents arent understanding and open minded. they are very narrow minded and judgemental. they are also children mentally still. this is an unfortunate truth of parents sometimes. as the ones that have explained they have to lie to their mothers to get along with them it is because they are childish. they do things that you do when you are 12yrs old not 40. this is one of the many reasons i hate my mother. she doesnt act her age, cant take no for an answer, doesnt accept failure, thinks that shes always right, isnt able to change, has to spend all the money as if its hers, doesnt take responsibility for her own actions, finds a reason to stab people in the back, tells her own husband to choose his kids or her, the list goes on. dont ever underestimate the stupidness. the whole blood is thicker than water thing is a crock of . just because they are your parents doesnt mean that they deserve the never ending respect that people seem to think they deserve just because they brought you into the world.
frenchie: not to sound like a dick but you need to open your mind on this subject. this is something i will defend to the day i die. there are many people out there that are in similar situations to me. its great that you have the relationship you do with your mom but not everyone does. think about trying to have what you have with your mom right this second with your dad. you cant do it. he doesnt give a . if he did he would try to build that relationship and do things to move it forward. he doesnt. these situations arent as easy as you think. |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by idoru
He's always cutting out various magazine articles about club DJ'ing and music and such and gives them to me; even though he doesn't know they don't pertain to what I listen to, I still really appreciate the thought. |
heh my mom does the same thing with random articles on graphic/modern design she finds in the New York Times or The New Yorker. |
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| Frenchie |
| quote: | Originally posted by gehzumteufel
fixed.
frenchie: not to sound like a dick but you need to open your mind on this subject. this is something i will defend to the day i die. there are many people out there that are in similar situations to me. its great that you have the relationship you do with your mom but not everyone does. think about trying to have what you have with your mom right this second with your dad. you cant do it. he doesnt give a . if he did he would try to build that relationship and do things to move it forward. he doesnt. these situations arent as easy as you think. |
Hmmm.
I'm pretty open minded about it, I have tons of friends who don't have any sort of relationships with either parent, and I have their backs when things go wrong. When it comes to me dad, you're very very wrong. He cares, and wants to have a relationship, but it is I that is denying it, hence the reason why I would love for him to strap 50 pound weights to his feet and just "slip" off a cliff. He's a rotten person with bad values, a lot of disrespect towards women, and he just blows at life. He;s a good person when it comes to HIS sons and HIS family (minus me), he's got a good job, 2 degrees, and is rolling in money. do I want any of it, hell no, do I care, of coarse not. I'm the bitter one between him and I, not the other way around. We could have a great relationships if I wasn't such a bitch to him. (The reasons why are too personal to be told, but you need to trust me on this one.) |
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| gehzumteufel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Frenchie
Hmmm.
I'm pretty open minded about it, I have tons of friends who don't have any sort of relationships with either parent, and I have their backs when things go wrong. When it comes to me dad, you're very very wrong. He cares, and wants to have a relationship, but it is I that is denying it, hence the reason why I would love for him to strap 50 pound weights to his feet and just "slip" off a cliff. He's a rotten person with bad values, a lot of disrespect towards women, and he just blows at life. He;s a good person when it comes to HIS sons and HIS family (minus me), he's got a good job, 2 degrees, and is rolling in money. do I want any of it, hell no, do I care, of coarse not. I'm the bitter one between him and I, not the other way around. We could have a great relationships if I wasn't such a bitch to him. (The reasons why are too personal to be told, but you need to trust me on this one.) |
im sorry i misjudged it. i think everyone has their reasons for being bitter towards someone. i dont think any less of people for it. whether i think they are legitimate reasons is another story but we will leave that to another time.
ps: i have a deep hatred for my so so called mother. so i understand. i have more reasons than the ones i listed above but they are a bit more personal and i dont care to share them with the rest of TA. |
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| Ian |
for my personal relationships with parents...
My dad & me don't get on much. He irritates the hell out of me. He was never there when I needed him to be, when I was having my problems, it was always my grandad (mums dad) who'd be there for me. Taking me football each week for training & matches all over the east midlands. He did very little in the means of encouraging & I always had a poor relationship with him until mum told him to move out, and in the last 18 months i've got on with him quite well. We don't socialise in public, but i've helped him out lots & I think he's realised how much I actually mean to him, but he's getting older & I think this is as good as it'll get.
My mum is another thing. We always rowed, she used to parent out of fear, heavy beatings, threats "do that and i'll kill you" and so on. She tried to boss with an iron fist, and even when i didn't do those kidna things, i was still wrong. No encouragement in life, when I was ill for months & got low school grades she said "oh well i expected that from you" and I twice moved out to live with my nana (my grandad had died at this point) and mum never tried much. It wasn't until I was about 18/19 that we got on a bit more, now it's just me & her who've bought the house after the divorce and she's hard to live with, very lazy from paying things what need doing & putting her social life first, but she's my mam & it's upto me to try & help, everything I have goes into running the house etc.
My nana needs a special mention. She's always been on the same wavelength as me, and I love her dearly, she was a youngish grandparent for the age (47) and has always been a huge inspiration as was my grandad. They taught me most of what I know, and it's so sad to see arthritis & old age hurt her so much. She's such a great person, and although very stubborn in her ways now, and very paranoid, she's the most important person in my life & I've made it my job to look after her, as a friend & as the eldest grandchild. She needs the company & while biased in a lot of her views is still a good person. It hurts me so much to see her needing a stick to walk now & being in the pain but I owe everything I have to her & when she passes I really don't know what i'll do with myself. For now i'm making the most of every day.
My brother is a prick, I love him to bits, he's my little bro but he can be very selfish & is hard to live with, he's so loud & obnoxious and I can't handle him. |
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