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**Infamous Thread of One-Liners!!! (pg. 6)
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| tiesto14 |
not really a "1" liner..but close enough...and makes me laugh...
"Girls are like bowling balls-
You pick them up-
Finger them-
Then throw them in the gutter"
:stongue: |
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| DJ-Ande |
''this deffinitly rates a 9.0 on my weird -o-meter''
will smith, - men in black one:D :D |
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| DJ-Lukeass |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ-Ande
''this deffinitly rates a 9.0 on my weird -o-meter''
will smith, - men in black one:D :D |
Men in black rule'z!!!!:D :D |
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| Lovely |
| "Well, I am president" - Carl - Lovely |
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| stella |
"Constipated people don't give a "
"Tell me, have you ever spoken to a women without first giving your credit card number?" - Star Wars nerds interview.
| quote: | | "It's lonely at the top but you eat better" |
Bet that's what Bill Gates says to all those Starving Africans (whilst tucking into a McAfrika burger).
"Pull up your trousers, your IQ's showing" - quote from a TA forum topic. |
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| trancegurl |
"this is some ed up repugnant !" Samule L Jackson in pulp fiction
"why do i have to smell your fart when i can smell my own?" my mom on farting |
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| itikia |
| "The greatest trick the devil played on the world was convincing the world that he didn't exist.." Usual Suspects |
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| DJ Chrono |
"Ambulances are for losers" - Tom Green
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin
:haha: :haha: :crazy: |
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| USMC_Greg |
| procrastination is alot like masturbation - you're only ing yourself. |
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| USMC_Greg |
A quart of ale is a dish for a king.
- William Shakespeare
They who drink beer will think beer.
- Washington Irving
He was a wise man who invented beer.
– Plato
Whoever called it near beer was a poor judge of distance.
- Prohibition saying
I do not drink more than a sponge.
- Rabelais, 17th-century French satirist
I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I’ve lost 30 pounds.
- Ernest Hemingway
It was as natural as eating and, to me, as necessary. I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer.
- Ernest Hemingway
There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.
- Willie Nelson
For we could not now take time for further search (to land our ship), our victuals being much spent, especially our beer.
– from the log of THE MAYFLOWER
Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!
– Louis Untermeyer (1885-1977)
Beer that is not drunk had missed its vocation.
– Meyer Breslau, 1880
Wine is but single broth, ale is meat, drink, and cloth.
- 16th century English proverb.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemmingway
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W.C. Fields
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
- Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
- Kaiser Wilhelm
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
I work until beer o’clock.
- Steven King
Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer! -Louis Untermeyer (1885-1977)
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. "
- Katherine Cebrian
Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool,
than to open it and remove all doubt. -unknown
We are all entitled to be stupid,
but you are abusing the priviledge. -unknown
I don't have any solution
but I certainly admire the problem. -Ashleigh Brilliant
The only thing we have to fear
is fear itself. -Winston Churchill
A hero is no braver
than an ordinary man,
but he is braver
five minutes longer. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement. -Higdon
There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea
whose time has come. -Victor Hugo
Tis better to argue a point and not settle it,
than to settle a point
and not argue it. J. Joubert
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know
how seldom they do. -Olin Miller
If Stupidity got us into this mess,
then why can't it get us out? -Will Rogers
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once. -William Shakespeare
"The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy."
- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. "
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. "
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together."
- Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question. -Lt. Henry Mon, USAF, circa 1961
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
"Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon."
Never argue with an idiot. He'll bring you down to his level, then beat you with experience.
Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
Trying is the first step towards failure. -Homer Simpson
That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. -Aeon Flux
I imagine a world of love, peace, and no wars. Then I imagine myself attacking that place because they would never expect it! -Tracy Irey
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it. -Edgar Allan Poe
War does not determine who is right... but who is left. -Chinese proverb
Half the things that people do not succeed in, are through fear of making the attempt. -James Northcote
To think before you talk is like wiping your ass before you . -Arne Anka
"The only thing in life that's guaranteed is failure, to succeed you must be willing to take risks." -Arutha ConDoin, Prince of Krondor
For they can conquer who believe they can. -Unknown
"We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." -Dana Gould
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.
Mean people suck,
Nice people swallow,
Stupid people choke,
And wierd people gargle. -N. S. Featherman
I don't have a drinking problem.
I drink
I get drunk
I fall down
No problem
If I only had enough vodka for two men and enough women for four, I would lead a very happy life. -Dimitry Patent
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters whether I win or lose.
My parents saw the president they loved get shot in the head. I saw my president get head. -Elon Gold
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Why can't Jesus play hockey?
- He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
- how do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
- Stick 2 fingers in his honey
"Jus' 'cause ahh spend so much time backing off in my jack yard to see how my feeter peels don't mean dat ahh drinks too much. Cahl meh latah, tanks." |
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| Nadi |
| /me wonders if usmc_greg is an alchoholic or just in denial. |
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| USMC_Greg |
| quote: | Originally posted by Nadi
/me wonders if usmc_greg is an alchoholic or just in denial. |
<-------works at the beer store :-) |
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