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When independence seems to be a problem
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| Lira |
I wonder whether I'm having my first cultural shock with Japanese culture... either that or I'm doing something very wrong here :(
Long version
Well, I've never had much problem studying on my own. Ever since I was a kid, I'd pick up a book/website and study the things I liked. And people around me approved this behaviour - even my best mate's mother would joke about how I preferred atlases over comics. Eventually, as I grew up, my focus turned to languages, and long story short, here I am now studying Japanese Language and Literature at university.
Everything was fine until quite recently. Last year, my girlfriend would complain about how it seemed I needed no one around me in order to learn something - in Latin classes, for example, she would be often irate because I wouldn't pay much attention to what was going on in the class and got an A+ (the truth is, however, that I had studied Russian and Italian when I was younger, and Latin reminded me of both).
A similar situation happened with the chairwoman of the department - friends tell me that the reason why I didn't get a scholarship from university is because I'm interested in phonetics/phonology, and her master's thesis was about Japanese phonology. I had always believed that it would be something we could share and discuss... but apparently, she doesn't like students "being out of control".
So, here I am, completely puzzled... my friends often support me, saying they'd like to be able to study things on their own; however, this is causing me problems both with my girlfriend and in my department, because it seems I'm too "independent". Is it because of their Japanese background? I really don't think so, but my girlfriend was the one to bring this up and it does make some sense. However, I believe I'm probably doing something wrong here... but, what is it?
c0re version
No c0re version available this time, sorry :D |
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| dj tek |
| its your style of observation, nothing wrong with that. i am a little cofused why your gf would have a problem, can you elaborate that part a little further ? |
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| nchs09 |
that reason being why u didnt get a scolarship sounds kinda dumb. but wtvr, everyone learns with different methods.
for example, if i dont re-do my notes i have taken in class at home, id prob fail every course (this is actually tested.. i have gone with out re-writting my notes and fail, but if i re-write them i pass with good grades)
everyone has their methods. but if you are not paying attention and u see this as a flaw, try to pay more attnetion, even though you dont realy need it to pass the course. |
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| Floorfiller |
i don't think there is anything wrong with the way you teach yourself lira...
maybe your girlfriend is a little jealous that she can't study and be as successful as you without a lot of work...and that's frustrating to her.
and if the chairwoman of your college isn't giving you a scholarship because you're interested in a field that she studied at an advance level...that's just wrong. what is she afraid you'll outshine her accomplishments in the field? if that is the case then its pretty sad that she would stop your advancement simply because of that. if anything the fact that she did her disertation on that would mean it's a subject she's greatly interested in...and she should want to discuss it with you.
i just say don't let people hold you back because you are a smart guy... |
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| Jackson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
c0re version
Lira Needs a Hug! |
Awww :p |
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| igottaknow |
Sounds like your gf equates studying by yourself as shutting her out and maybe jealous that you don't have to work as hard at it.
Your teacher is intimidated by you, especially because your interested in the same field of study.
If your really that much of an individual your heading down the wrong path. Japanese culture doesn't like individualism. Your going to feel smothered and ostracized.
Short vers: commit Sepuku before its too late. |
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| dj tek |
| dont hate, congratulate. |
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| Psy-T |
| don't devolve because the rest of the species hasn't evolved. |
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| dj tek |
| or try to resolve complications created from ones who werent efficiently involved. |
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| Lira |
Aaaaww... I group hug :D
| quote: | Originally posted by dj tek
its your style of observation, nothing wrong with that. i am a little cofused why your gf would have a problem, can you elaborate that part a little further ? |
Sure.
She says it's frustrating because even though I'm often saying I need her around me, she says my actions give her the impression that I could do everything on my own if I wanted to.
For example, we wanted to make a website together. 2 years ago, we bought a domain and started working on it. She was quite busy - we even though we tried to find some free time so we could study web design and programming together. Meanwhile, I learnt some basic stuff about server side scripting, and took a few courses on graphic design.
Now, I'm doing my final project on "language teaching and artificial intelligence", and she says it hurts her because she feels she didn't help. But I did ask for help, and she gave me ideas all the time :(
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
and if the chairwoman of your college isn't giving you a scholarship because you're interested in a field that she studied at an advance level...that's just wrong. what is she afraid you'll outshine her accomplishments in the field? if that is the case then its pretty sad that she would stop your advancement simply because of that. |
I too refuse to believe that's the reason, but that's what everyone tells me: all my other professors told me they thought I would be the one that would get it... and this is not the first time it happens in the department :(
(Gotta go to work, I'm replying to the other posts as soon as I get there :D) |
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| DJ Mikey Mike |
| Your girlfriend is jealous that she cannot pick things up as quickly. She sounds like an idiot. |
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| igottaknow |
| your gf sounds really clingy. i hope you didn't give her your myspace password. i know it sounds harsh but you should dump her |
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