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In need of some good advice...SERIOUSLY!!! (pg. 3)
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| nchs09 |
ing guatemalas...:rolleyes:
jk :p
suck it up and break up with ur gf... and go out with this other girl before the window is opened.. u never know, she could be with someone anyday.. so get there first! |
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| Lira |
Been through something very similar already. Here's my experience:
Last year, my girlfriend started picking fights at random. Being a rather tolerant and comprehensive person, I never actually argued with her, but I started telling her that none of that was necessary.
In July/August, I was smitten by some girl I had met in my break dancing group. I soon realised I was idealising her, as if she were the solution to all my problems. I also noticed I was thinking about her way more often than I wanted to... and that my girlfriend was becoming more and more aggressive.
So, in October, my girlfriend had an epic fit during our 30 month anniversary, because I was stuck in traffic while she was waiting for me. I almost broke up with her in that very moment but I decided I wouldn't give up that easily.
Then, in the following night, I went to a party held by the aforementioned break dancing group, and the girl I mentioned showed a lot of interest on me. All my mates told me she was interested on me. I could see it in her eyes.
...
So, as the party was about to end, she sat by my side... she was there, looking at me, and had listened to my non-sense about phonetics and drum'n'bass when I suddenly realised what had just happened. I looked deep into her eyes, leaned toward her direction... jumped and started dancing to the tune the dj had just dropped. I mean, he played "Q Project - Champion Sound (Bad Company remix)" for Christ's sake, and I'm a junglist! :D
I then asked my girlfriend for a break so I could meditate about this whole mess - I wasn't going to cheat on her, but I wanted to know what the hell was going on. She then called me, desperate, asking me not to break up with her... and I realised I didn't want to lose her either.
However, this drama didn't end until December. I had a word with my girlfriend, and told her how I felt. I had to get this out of my chest in order to get over it. I then proceeded to go out with this other girl, and told her I wanted to buy Christmas presents for my girlfriend. That way, nothing stupid was going to happen, and I'd be able to see her again as a "friend".
And, here I am, 5 months later. My girlfriend now knows what my limits are, and I too realised that thinking about someone else - when you're in a relationship - is just unfair to all the 3 people affected. All of us agreed on that.
Conclusion: Choose one of the girls. If you feel you're lost, talk to your girlfriend. Then, and only then, I believe you can get back to normal.
That's what worked for me.
edit: Corrected some typos.
edit-2: Hah, this thread reminded me of how great "Champion Sound" is :D |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by nchs09
suck it up and break up with ur gf... and go out with this other girl before the window is opened.. u never know, she could be with someone anyday.. so get there first! |
You don't throw a 7 year long relationship away like that. The worst thing that could happen would be realising that you've ditched someone you loved for someone you might be idealising.
First you work on the current relationship. If all else fails, then you break up and then, only then, you think about someone else. It's not like this other girl is the only "good girl" around him :p |
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| nchs09 |
| breakdancing girl spicy? pics! |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Been through something very similar already. Here's my experience:
Last year, my girlfriend started picking fights at random. Being a rather tolerant and comprehensive person, I never actually argued with her, but I started telling her that none of that was necessary.
In July/August, I was smitten by some girl I had met in my break dancing group. I soon realised I was idealising her, as if she were the solution to all my problems. Soon I realised I was thinking about her way more often than I wanted to... and that my girlfriend was becoming more and more aggressive.
So, in October, my girlfriend had an epic fit during our 30th month anniversary because I was stuck in traffic while she was waiting for me. I almost broke up with her in that very moment but I decided I wouldn't give up that easily.
Then, in the following night, I went to a party held by the aforementioned break dancing group, and the girl I mentioned showed a lot of interest on me. People told me she was interested on me. I could see it in her eyes.
Then, as the party was about to end, she sat by my side... she was there, looking at me, listening to my non-sense about phonetics and drum'n'bass when I suddenly realised what had just happened. I look deep into her eyes, leaned toward her direction... jumped and started dancing to the tune the dj had just dropped. I mean, he played "Q Project - Champion Sound" for Christ's sake, and I'm a junglist! :D
I then asked my girlfriend for a break so I could meditate about this whole mess - I wasn't going to cheat on her, but I wanted to know what the hell was going on. She then called me desperate, asking me not to break up with her... and I realised I didn't want to lose her.
However, this drama didn't end until December. I had a word both with my girlfriend, and told her how I felt. I noticed I had to get this out of my chest, so I could get over it. I then proceed to go out with this another girl, and told her I wanted to buy Christmas presents for my girlfriend. That way, nothing stupid was going to happen, and I'd be able to see her again as a "friend".
And, here I am, 5 months later. My girlfriend now knows what my limits are, and I too realised that thinking about someone else - when you're in a relationship - is just unfair to all the 3 people affected.
Conclusion: Choose one of the girls. If you feel you're lost, talk to your girlfriend. Then, and only then, I believe you can get back to normal.
That's what worked for me. |
Nice post Lira, I think that's the best advise given so far :)
On one point in particular, that you mentioned:
I think the thread starter is idealising a girl he doesn't really know. Not a good idea, as the current 'infatuation' could well be blinding him to the downsides of getting together with the new girl. Downsides that would normally be obvious, but now diluted by lust.
Additionally, FFS you've been together for 7 years! After that time, surely you're able to have a serious, and adult, conversation with your GF! If you feel you're having problems, TALK TO HER ABOUT THEM! I've been with my GF (fiance) for 4 years now, and we can talk about absolutely anything. That's what you want from a long term relationship!
Think very carefully, because if you blow 7 years with a person you love, and then regret it later.... |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by nchs09
breakdancing girl spicy? pics! |
Sorry, mate, my super-ego says I shouldn't :p |
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| nchs09 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Sorry, mate, my super-ego says I shouldn't :p |
but your soul says yes! |
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| woscar99 |
Thanks for all your advice, honestly appreciate it ;) I was expecting a flame-fest to be honest! :haha:
I went to see my gf today and things were kinda awkward...I hung out at her place for a while and I sent the other girl a sms to her cell. Since we've become good friends I told her that my gf came back and was fighting with me. One thing led to another, and we ended up making plans to go out today. I did and arrived at a party and she was already drunk and wanted to dance and stuff. She's kinda weird when she's drunk btw :wtf:
So, after hanging out for a while I realized a friend of mine was there too and he's a very potential rat so I tried to avoid him. I was unsuccessful, a girl I went to uni with recognized me and ran out to tell the guy "Look who's here! Look who's here!" (damn ing small countries!!!) :whip:
I hung out with her for a while, but since she was drunk and I was not it was kinda weird. I told her about the fight and everything and I had the feeling that she wanted to make out with me (I could be wrong though...or it was just the booze). I left at the same time she did and got home a few minutes ago. I got to see a side of this girl I don't like so much, which is the wild party animal. And to tell you the truth I got kinda scared and felt guilty as hell for my gf. As I'm writing this, she started sending sm's to my cell to see if I had a good time which is confusing me more, cause I'm kinda confirming the fact that she does have a thing for me too.
I kinda agree with some of you guys that this can only be an escape or even lust. Unless it turns out she doesn't get like this every time she goes out, then I think I'm gonna bail. Seeing her like this made me realize what a nice gf I have and how I shouldn't let her go. But then again, my dick is telling me to hit that girl!
She's friggin' hot!
:disbelief
I know what the "smart" thing to do is, but do you guys think I should at least try going out with her again a couple more times and see what happens b4 finally bailing comletely on her? After talking with my gf and give our relationship a break that is...I'm not the kind of guy who cheats. Actually I've never cheated and never will cheat. |
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| woscar99 |
Actually I just read Lira's advice and that's the exact same problem I hve right now. That's the kind of stupid fights and arguments I'm talking about.
When you talked to your gf what did you say? Did you mention the other girl or just focused on the two of you?
Also, I do think you are absolutely correct on the idealising the other girl thing. But then again, I do want to know if she's really a girl worth idealising. If she "lives up to this hype I've created", if you will. |
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| _Ocean_Drive_ |
| quote: | | Originally posted by Trance Nutter |
yeah i couldn't be bothered reading it all so I got one of my patients to read it to me too
:haha: |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar99
I know what the "smart" thing to do is, but do you guys think I should at least try going out with her again a couple more times and see what happens b4 finally bailing comletely on her? After talking with my gf and give our relationship a break that is...I'm not the kind of guy who cheats. Actually I've never cheated and never will cheat. |
You know what the "smart" thing to do is, but you don't want to be smart?
You shouldn't be considering a ing thing until you have worked out with your GF whether of not you guys are having any problems RELATIONSHIP-WISE (and no, feeling bitchy about her parents is not a relationship problem), and talk it out to find out if there are any solutions to those problems.
If you're so willing to give up on a 7 year relationship, without trying to work things out with your partner, then you are the worst kind of lame, and should be ashamed.
My opinion, of course. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar99
She's friggin' hot!
:disbelief |
Trust me, mate, the girl I'm talking about has breasts that could feed the entire Napoleonic Army in the Russian Winter, and she's so fit I can't even find an analogy - they're supposed to be hot in order to mess with our heads! :p
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar99
I know what the "smart" thing to do is, but do you guys think I should at least try going out with her again a couple more times and see what happens b4 finally bailing comletely on her? After talking with my gf and give our relationship a break that is...I'm not the kind of guy who cheats. Actually I've never cheated and never will cheat. |
Well, you're now seeing things you don't like about her... that's a beginning. However, it's not like you can compare both of them until you decide which one of them you want to go to the zoo and have picnic with!
You've got to sort it out with your girlfriend first. Then, once it's all sorted, you try to "de-idealise" this other girl. |
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