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In need of some good advice...SERIOUSLY!!! (pg. 4)
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar99
Actually I just read Lira's advice and that's the exact same problem I hve right now. That's the kind of stupid fights and arguments I'm talking about.
When you talked to your gf what did you say? Did you mention the other girl or just focused on the two of you?
Also, I do think you are absolutely correct on the idealising the other girl thing. But then again, I do want to know if she's really a girl worth idealising. If she "lives up to this hype I've created", if you will. |
Well, I did mention the other girl, and I was pretty straightforward: I told her about the other girl, and how I reckoned it was just a bloody defence mechanism I had to "neutralise". I told her pretty much every thing: the girl's name, where I met her, how I came to that conclusion and why I realised my girlfriend is the one I wanted.
It hit her quite hard. She cried almost twice as much as I did (and I had cried all the way from September to December :p)... but we're cool now.
Oh, and by the way, I don't think this girl will live up to the hype - you're probably not infatuated with her, but with the illusion you created around her image. But, you'll have to live with this doubt for the rest of your life, probably ;) |
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| woscar99 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sushipunk
You know what the "smart" thing to do is, but you don't want to be smart?
You shouldn't be considering a ing thing until you have worked out with your GF whether of not you guys are having any problems RELATIONSHIP-WISE (and no, feeling bitchy about her parents is not a relationship problem), and talk it out to find out if there are any solutions to those problems.
If you're so willing to give up on a 7 year relationship, without trying to work things out with your partner, then you are the worst kind of lame, and should be ashamed.
My opinion, of course. |
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to give up on 7 years without working things out. But I guess I'm willing to end things though, if it turns out that's the best thing to do.
And no, I don't "feel bitchy" about her mother. I just don't like the way I'm being treated lately. I know that when you marry someone you don't just marry that someone; you also marry the family as well. And having learned from other people's experiences in this field, if you don't get along well with the family your marriage will turn into a living hell at one point or another. I'm not being a child here, believe me. |
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| nefardec |
| quote: | | But lately, I've been sorta talking a lot to this girl from work and I've noticed that whenever I talk or hang out with her I feel things I haven't felt in quite some time. Things I haven't felt since I fell in love wih my girlfriend. |
your other problems might be illusions caused by this ^
i have more or less been going through a similar situation for the past 8 months. not easy, especially if you're not an
like someone else said - bottom line is you have to choose, and someone has to get hurt or else everyone is just going to be hurt repeatedly. |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by nefardec
your other problems might be illusions caused by this ^
i have more or less been going through a similar situation for the past 8 months. not easy, especially if you're not an
like someone else said - bottom line is you have to choose, and someone has to get hurt or else everyone is just going to be hurt repeatedly. |
Interesting post. So, how has it gone for you? Have you "made the desicions?"
I think that the thread starter is not an , or he wouldn't have bothered with a thread here. He could be attention whoring, but I dunno...
nefardec, plz describe your last 8 months :) |
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| trewqy |
I would leave ur current gf and go out with this new girl.
Hell I'm waiting to be in YOUR POSITION and pounce at the chance a better match comes along. Been with my current gf for almost 2 years, and i'm getting bored.
the heart wants what it wants.. |
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| Xilver |
I was with my ex-girlfriend for 8 years, even lived with her for over a year. Then I met my current girlfriend, and fell in love with her head over heels. I was in the same position as you at first, not knowing what to do, but then I just decided to go for the new girl. It was hard in the beginning, after all, my ex-gf was the biggest part of my life for 8 years, but I do not regret it (She doesn't either, she just got married).
Anyway, what struck me in your post was that you are with her for seven years atm, and that she left on a school field trip. That makes me assume that both of you were very young when you started dating. Such was the case for me as well. We were seventeen years old, and at that age you make promises of staying together forever and marrying, but you just don't have the right idea about how the world and how love works at seventeen (I don't know how young you were). Your ideas change over the years when you're that young. If you go for your girlfriend, and choose to not go through with the girl from work, I can tell you now that somewhere down the path, you will start wondering about how your life would have been with her.
The point: Think about what you want. Stay with her because you love her, not because you're used to being around, or because you feel obligated to. Life is too short for that. On the other hand, decide for yourself if this is just a crush, or more than that. You don't want to do this in the heat of the moment, only to find out later on that you've made the wrong decision. Think about it. If you don't love your gf, and just stay with her for the wrong reasons, you're bound to meet someone else in your life later on, and experience what you're experiencing right now all over again. |
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| eRRaTiK |
Consider this...
1. are the issues that you're having with your gf a reflection of something going on inside of you?
2. think of the new girl as a sign showing you what you are missing from your existing relationship. Is she showing you what you could have IF you put more effort into your current relationship?
Whilst you are working out what it is you really want, treat your gf the way you expect her to treat you. Don't think negative thoughts about her, instead focus on the positive things that made you fall in love with her in the first place. Do something surprisingly nice and genuine for her one day. Try it.
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Generally speaking, a relationship is an investment. The more you invest in it the more you will get in return. If you're getting bored/tired/whatever of a relationship take a look at what you're doing (or not doing) to make it that way first before immediately assuming that it's the other person. It's always easier to blame somebody else when things don't work out the way you want them to). |
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| eRRaTiK |
| quote: | Originally posted by woscar99
I just don't like the way I'm being treated lately. |
I can't help but feel like you're playing victim in this scenario.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” -- Luke 6:31
| quote: | | but lately she's been quite an old witch. Don't really know why. As for the rest of her family, I quite frankly can't stand being in the same room with them for over 5 minutes. They're quite a bunch of social rejects. |
Listen to your own words. If you view these people that way, then what you will inevitably find is that you get exactly what you thought they were, and if you continue to think of them like that you'll just get more of the same.
To change a situation you need to change the way you think first. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by trewqy
I would leave ur current gf and go out with this new girl.
Hell I'm waiting to be in YOUR POSITION and pounce at the chance a better match comes along. Been with my current gf for almost 2 years, and i'm getting bored.
the heart wants what it wants.. |
Ditch her already then, mate, this sounds just too cruel :(
| quote: | Originally posted by eRRaTiK
Whilst you are working out what it is you really want, treat your gf the way you expect her to treat you. Don't think negative thoughts about her, instead focus on the positive things that made you fall in love with her in the first place. Do something surprisingly nice and genuine for her one day. Try it.
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Generally speaking, a relationship is an investment. The more you invest in it the more you will get in return. If you're getting bored/tired/whatever of a relationship take a look at what you're doing (or not doing) to make it that way first before immediately assuming that it's the other person. It's always easier to blame somebody else when things don't work out the way you want them to). |
Quoted for truth :)
| quote: | Originally posted by Xilver
I was with my ex-girlfriend for 8 years, even lived with her for over a year. Then I met my current girlfriend, and fell in love with her head over heels. I was in the same position as you at first, not knowing what to do, but then I just decided to go for the new girl. It was hard in the beginning, after all, my ex-gf was the biggest part of my life for 8 years, but I do not regret it (She doesn't either, she just got married). |
How was it, if you don't mind me asking? |
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| stan229 |
| i think the OP ed up by going to that party, even though you realized that this girl was not what you thought but you completley avoided all our advice on that one lol when you were with her you shoulda talked to her man not sent a SMS to the other chick and now you potentially got caught and once your current gf finds out that you werew ith this other chick you wont be able to talk anything out |
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| Allied Nations |
| where are my pics? |
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| Floorfiller |
i think you should think about your relationship with your girlfriend without including any thoughts about this other girl because that's just oomplicating things.
you have been dating this girl 7 years. does the relationship make you happy or not? if it's something that doesn't make you happy anymore and maybe you've stayed in it too long...do your girlfriend a favor and let her get on with her life. think how terrible what you've told us all in this thread would make her feel if she knew. if this is someone you've been with so long and you really love...you'll break up with her instead of living with a false sense of happiness. if she does make you happy...well then you need to grow up and stop looking at every hot girl that walks by like a peice of meat. you obviously have someone that cares a lot about you...you either have that same commitment or you don't. if you really love her you won't be considering other women...and you wouldn't want to be selfish and think only of yourself... |
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