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love hurts, i need advice
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| drifter sx |
i really need advice. i dont know what to do. i dated this girl for 2.5 years, and we were GENUINELY in love, but it was a long distance relationship. i saw her only once a month, most of our relationship was on the phone. we lived in the same hometown, where we met. well 2.5 years later, the distance started taking its toll on us. my workload had doubled and she got a full time job, so our phone calls withered down to 5 minute "hey whats up" calls. we just started drifting apart but tried desperately to hold on. THAT hurt us more, it became too hard to hold on. finally, i made a decision..
to break up [on frinedly terms] just for a while, till our schedules lightened up. we both agreed and it went ok for a while, phone calls every now and then to say hi.
but then it got worse, work only increased, phone calls decreased and eventually stopped. for 3 months we barely had any contact, and it was killing me inside. i really was dying, but being so busy i guess i never showed it. i get a phone call form her in tears saying she feels ive moved on and that i dont love her anymore and it was driving her crazy cuz she would cry herself to sleep every night etc etc [which wasnt true] so i said: we should 'temproraily' move on, or this is going to kill us. we can get back together later on, so long as we keep in touch. [bad idea]... |
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| drifter sx |
well i tried to move on, and eventually met a girl. at first it wasnt serious, we went on a few dates. but then it got serious and we're STILL together. but just when it got serious i get a call from my ex, saying: forget this stupid break up, lets get back together and work this out..
i told her i was seeing someone, and the next few weeks were complete hell. i was really liking this new girl more and more, but i know i didnt LOVE her like i loved my ex. so i didnt know what to do, but i told my ex that. i said: ill just date her for a while and we can get back together later.. but my ex said: dont bother, its clear you've moved on. just forget about me.
i was destroyed, i didnt know what to do, but of course this went on behinf my 'new girl's back. well i fanally told her the truth, that i am still in love with my ex, but that i really like her more everyday. the new girl said she understood but that she wants to help me forget about my ex.. which i dont really wanna do. well things have only gotten worse with my ex, and we had a final blowout call and she basically said:
you've hurt me so much, i LOVED you like no other woman ever could and this is what you do to me! i wanted you back, i always wanted you but you left me for some other girl. and now im here alone with all my tears for someone who doesnt even care, and never REALLY loved me. goodbye!
.. which brings us to this morning. i do REALLY LOVE her still, shes my best friend, we've shared so much.. but i know my new girl has fallen in love with me [she told me so]. W-T-F do i do???!!! i dont wanna hurt either of them but i cant handle this anymore!! i might lose my ex forever.. or should i just let her go and move on???
PLEASE HELP!!!! |
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| th0m |
| methinks we need a special forum for these kinda things alone :p |
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| jessicah |
| quote: | Originally posted by th0m
methinks we need a special forum for these kinda things alone :p |
No kidding! What's the deal?
alright drifter...sounds like you just gotta make a decision. I know it sucks to have to hurt either one of them, but it'll be better to choose the person you really love and hurt the other rather than continue dragging your feet with both and risk losing both.
Also, never ever ever again make a suggestion to a female like, "I'll just date her for a while and we can get back together later." Just FYI. |
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| Mr. Pink |
tough situation man, but what can you do?
your girl is far away and you've got some lady right there, in front of you...IN LOVE.
maybe you dont love her now, but chill....it could flourish into something very beautiful if you let it and keep an open mind. If things are naturally happening- thats good man!
you cant force a relationship. Im currently doing the long distance thing myself.....but its flowing naturally....
always keep it natural... it seems like all the complications that got in the way was what screwed things up- not your lack of love like yer X thinks....but thats life man, she's gotta move on too.
If yer old enough.... whatever, go back and see her. Be with her.
Whats stopping you? So many people talk about the things they HAVE to do, the things we NEED to do.....and they over their happiness.
As far as im concerned- is not everything we do for love, to be loved, and to love a little bit more?
If there's any kind of magic it wouldnt be some magician with a hat saying random like "a la cazaam!"...but it's in the attempt to understand some one, the desire to be with some one......the notion that it can work out....all u have to do is know what u want and go get it..
goodluck |
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| Clovis86 |
You don't really love her if you're dating another girl on the side...and liking it... (imo)
-Clovis |
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| politicsofdancin |
| :rolleyes: |
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| Floorfiller |
well...i got lots to say hehehe.
[dr phil mode]
if you really love this old girlfriend that you had a long distance relationship with you need to address it. first, you need to be realistic about the distance. are you two ever gonna close that gap? you two seem to be at different points in your relationship or at least seem to have different wants. do you love this girl enough that you could go without seeing someone else because you know that she is the only one for you? it seems she is willing to do that for you so if you don't think you can do that for her then you need to move on. you seem to think that you can both just see other people for a while, but i don't think that is gonna work because she definitely seems to have a problem with it.
if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this girl...then you better get rid of this new bitch and beg your ex to take you back because you've been a complete , but if not...you know what you have to do. don't expect for both of you to see other people and then to get back together eventually...because you don't know what might happen.
[/dr phil mode] |
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| Delay Llama |
Three things:
1 - Relationships get stronger with time. The more time you've been together, the more feelings there are involved. You know your ex is willing to be in a relationship, what about this new girl? Losing a long relationship for a 2 week long thing does not seem to be what you are looking for.
2 - You have to choose one of them and you know it.
3 - Getting over people doesn't mean forgetting them. |
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| Ibiza Dreams |
Hey bro, don't worry, I'm coming to save the day.
I just went through almost EXACTLY the same situation. It's still very recent for me, and it kinda stings to talk about my ex. Same exact situations... long-distance, 2 years, she was in love with me, wanted to spend the rest of her life, bla bla bla...
I broke up with her once before seriously, it lasted over a month, but like you guys, we eventually drifted back together. But now I broke up with her and have no intentions of going back to her. And like you, I found someone new which I enjoy being with alot.
As for advice...
It sucks you broke up with your ex under bad conditions, but sometimes it's unavoidable. No matter what you say or how clear you try to make things, a breakup is usually negative, and will be seen as such by the person being broken off. If you're young, go out, meet new people, there's tons of girls out there that are interesting and fun. The bond you had with your ex is pretty much lifelong, even though of course, as time passes it will diminish, but there will always be something there. Both of you should move on, meet new people, have new experiences. If after time passes, you've tried new things and so has she, and you still believe she is the one for you, then perhaps that day you will be able to start fresh with her.
You should want to forget about her, it's only normal, holding on to feelings only causes pain. Put more effort into new relationships and new people you meet, as that is the only way you will enjoy them fully. Don't bring your baggage to other relationships bro, that's such a pain in the ass for the other person, either be a man and let go, or go back to your ex, but close one chapter in your life before moving onto the next.
No matter what your ex says about you not loving her, those are her emotions talking, she knows deep down you loved her and will always know that. She'll realize this when she moves on herself. But let time pass, after some time, try to email her as a friend and keep the communication lines open here and there. Life is too short to not experience more bro, be a man, let go, and move on, completely. That love with her will always have an opportunity to flourish again one day if need be.
Take it from me man, I hammered my brain for months trying to make the best decision, and now that I have let go and moved on, I have no regrets. |
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| Mr. Pink |
For being a bunch of neo-nerdo TA's...
we're kickin ass on this topic lol |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
For being a bunch of neo-nerdo TA's...
we're kickin ass on this topic lol |
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue:
we should all be relationship counselors after all of the threads we get hehehe |
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