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Wait a TIC!!! I'm single again, OOHHH BEHAVE! (pg. 7)
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| butterfly |
| quote: | Originally posted by Aristronica
work it out, what else, giving up would just be an easy way out of it
maybe there's something she wants from me that i'm not doing right, i guess i'll just talk it over with her and see where that leads us
i'm having a great time with her and everyone's right - to quit because something like this scares me off would be idiotic, especially since she wants to be together, i just need to find out why she feels the need to threaten our relationship at times |
yes but do YOU want to be together? you shouldnt make the effort if you dont and you should let her know if you are unsure. otherwise you are leading her on. |
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| samiotis |
| my ex girlfriend did the same thing to me, she hated when i went out with my friends she would blow up my phone all night, thinking i was cheating on her she never trusted me and always thought i was lying to her. but we've been through alot of that so now were broken up its been about a month we still kinda talk but im just hoping she fades away. even though we still love eachother we know it wouldnt work out. so good luck to you and hopefully it works out |
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| Slylee |
| if you've done nothing to let your gf/bf think you are a liar or cheater and they still act like that, then THEY probably can't be trusted...that's very typical in a lot of relationships. |
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| Aristronica |
| i want to be with her - that was never the issue, the problem is that i want her to trust me and just let me do my own thing when i want to |
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| Nite-Mer |
I don't know if immature is necessarily the right term, but young is. He's only 20 years old. I could tell by reading this and the last thread about the snowball incident that you seemed younger and i checked the profile to prove it.
I think he's just a bit confused as to what he wants. I think girls are usually way worse about this. I've certainly dealt with women older than him (23+) that couldn't figure out what they wanted.
I think you've been an at times, but it's part of growing up. The bar comment was rude, even to a friend it would be. You need to get over the machismo a bit, but still be a man and definitely don't get whooped. There shouldn't be a control battle in your relationship, but a series of give and take. Hopefully you don't have to compromise all the time, because you have similar likes, but when you don't you have to come to a mutually beneficial agreement. Do some serious thinking about your readiness for a relationship and if you determine that you are not ready, don't do it. End the relationship. Just think about it first, because you don't want to lose out on something good. |
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| MisterOpus1 |
Christ I'll probably regret entering a post on this particular COR thread, and by that I mean no offense to the thread starter, but oh well here goes-
Let me preface what I’m about to say with this - most folks here know I’ve got a Mrs., at least the folks over in the Political Forum, and I’ve been married for about 4 ½ yrs. now. We were together in a committed relationship for about 2 ½ yrs. prior to our marriage, and were somewhat noncommittal prior to that for a bout ½ yr. So put it all together we’ve been with each other for about, what 7 ½ years now (Jesus, I didn’t even realize that ‘till I added that up just now!).
Anyway, with that said, please understand that in no way would I never claim to be an expert or even fairly knowledgeable on relationships as a whole, but over that time I’ve been with my wife I have come to understand her a bit better, and I do feel comfortable at least trying to grasp and understand what has worked for US. So bearing that in mind, I offer the following pieces of advice in your situation:
*First off and the most obvious – maybe you’re just too damn young for all this , and your hormones are freakin’ ragin’ all over the place. If that’s the case, again be honest with her and yourself, and end the relationship right now. The sooner you do this the better you’ll both be, if this is the case. If this is NOT the case, read further…
*From the sound of it and her past situation with you, she has some insecurity issues. Yeah, I know, big shock right? Well here’s a small secret for you-
all women have insecurity issues
And just when you think you’ve found one that doesn’t, KABOOM! The insecurity monster comes out.
So you could run from this one, thinking that you’ll find greener pastures elsewhere (*insert dirty joke here*), or else you can try to come to grips that this is an issue that you’ll inevitably have to deal with sooner or later. Now granted, some women are worse than others, but the fact is it’s there.
I say all this based on the fact that she felt you weren’t treating her the same after 3 months, and consequently messed around with someone else. Unfortunately this is also fairly typical behavior – as the insecurity mounts so does a wall that she creates that prevents her from fully trusting you or allowing you in to see all of her completely. The unfortunate consequence is sabotage, ing up the relationship before you can do it.
*So you guys get through that and all is peachy for 3 months, then boom, you run off, spend time with your ex in Iowa State (fellow Big 12 KU Alum myself), and your girl has a conniption. Frankly I don’t blame her – and if you were in her shoes would you honestly feel any different? I’m guessing no, if you’re truly being honest with yourself of course. So on this note I’d say you somewhat provoked her insecurities pretty good with this little getaway, REGARDLESS of whether or not you bumped uglies with your - ex g. Bottom line is that it was inappropriate behavior to put your girlfriend in such an uncompromising position. If you truly want to try to make this relationship work, you have to learn that situations like this one that you put yourself in are situations you simply must avoid. Make the compromise or don’t be in the relationship at all – there’s a certain amount of mutual respect that must be reciprocated here, and with all due respect your weekend stunt was anything but respectful to her, not because you may or may not have done something with your ex, but because you put yourself in that situation in the first place.
Avoid sticky situations like these in the future – they do no good for a relationship.
*You both seem to have insecurity issues, regardless of whether or not those issues are justifiable. Personally I would have given her the boot after her stunt at 3 months, EVEN if you were treating her “differently”. Most relationships go through that “relaxed” stage after a few months anyway where you both stop trying to impress one another so much, and you start beginning to know and accept who you REALLY both are. She got scared because she’s seemingly reluctant and afraid of you to see her for who she really is, and she sabotaged it as a result. If, in fact you had both agreed that the relationship was a committed, monogamous one, and she still did this – after only 3 months I’d say “so long toots!”
But you didn’t do this, which clearly indicates you do like her, a lot in fact. You were willing to stick your neck out after that whole ordeal and see what she was truly all about. Well, after 6-7 months you’re still with her, so something must be okay with her. The problem is you put her and yourself in a compromising position over the weekend, and whether or not that was deliberate or unconscious on your part is something you have to wrestle with. If it was something deliberate or unconscious, my guess is you have some insecurities of your own that you must learn to overcome. And since you decided to overcome your insecurities the first time after that stunt at 3 months, and provided that she didn’t deliberately provoke your insecurities recently, I see no reason why you shouldn’t continue to ride it out and see where the relationship leads you.
Or maybe that whole ordeal on what she did 3 months ago still burns you, and it still challenges your whole “control” over the relationship, which is what may have caused your weekend stunt. If that’s the case, you have two obvious choices:
1. Get over it and continue the relationship
2. Don’t get over it and split
Pretty simple.
*Either way you have to learn to be honest with both how you feel with yourself and how you feel towards her. You at least have to try, and you have to ask her to do the same.
*Lastly, I’m assuming that you’re being straight with us, and I also didn’t consider into the equation that you may just simply be an . If that’s the case, disregard all of the above and do whatever the you want. Just make sure you let her know outright that you’re an so she can judge for herself what she wants to do. Actually, if you really are an , you’d probably not be honest at all, so forget what I just said altogether.
Sorry this was so long. Hope things work for you both. |
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| Slylee |
^^^^ excellent advice and i think you are right on too.
especially about women being insecure...even the cool, confident ones who are independent have insecurities. we ALL have insecurities. i know i do. a lot of times, people provoke insecurities (more specifically boyfriends/girlfriends) but it's up to you to eliminate those people/factors from your life once you feel like you are losing touch with yourself. i also think society is mostly to blame and the whole hollywood industry, but that's a whole other story.
she seems insecure like misteropus1 said and she sabotaged the relationship because you probably scare her and she doesn't trust you (for whatever reason) and since you guys are a couple, you need to understand the mutual respect thing, which i am REALLY big on when i'm involved. i'm living with my boyfriend right now until after the holidays, and i'm sorry, but i would never just be like, "yea i'm going out, see ya later", and then just go do whatever the i want, and hang out w/ an ex, and not answer my phone and get wasted, etc... that is down right disrespectful and he would probably dump my ass if i did that, and vice versa. it's inconsiderate. if you don't want to have to "answer" to anyone, like your girlfriend, then you should be single. you can't have your cake and eat it too. |
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| Aristronica |
| well then, i dunno what to say, maybe i am an , i never suspected myself to be one, her friends always tell me i treat her so well, i dunno now i'm confused about myself now. |
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| igottaknow |
| i just had time to quickly scan the thread. You sound like an but that might explain why she still with you. Chicks dig bad boys even though they profess the opposite. Keep dishing it out to her. gf low self esteem is a key ingredient to a loving relationship. :disbelief |
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| jonze234 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Aristronica
the problem is that i want her to trust me and just let me do my own thing when i want to |
that always seems to be a problem in all relationships. its hard to be a couple and independent at the same time. best of luck to you with your relationship. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by jonze234
that always seems to be a problem in all relationships. its hard to be a couple and independent at the same time. best of luck to you with your relationship. |
:wtf:
yea, he'll need LOTS of luck getting his girlfriend to trust him at out of state sorrority parties with his ex girlfriend getting drunk and not answering his phone. |
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| butterfly |
| i miss mr opus posting in COR... that was a great post. |
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