|
You gotta love yourself before you can love someone else ... explanation? (pg. 5)
|
View this Thread in Original format
| Tordan |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
Who says it's playing with their feelings? You don't believe in the existence of no-strings-attached sex? Trust me, there are just as many girls out there looking for a quick fix as guys. |
FYI... you implied a relationship not a fling. Which led be to base my response on the long-term relationship scenario. You should have been more specific as to the nature of the relationship.
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
just like you sometimes have to take a job before you can score the big one, sometimes you have to lower your standards and be in a few crappy relationships in order to work your way up to a good one. |
|
|
|
| kamil |
| ^Those are relationships nonetheless. |
|
|
| andielips |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spankmeister
Interesting thread....
I like reading other folk's take on this 'cliche'....as I have used it many times myself...
Being a 'old guy' since
I might have a little insight that only comes with years...
First of all....if there is something missing in our lives, we have to look at the reasons why that thing is not present. Especially roadblocks that prohibit that thing from entering.
With relationships, it is a very tricky thing....The more we 'look' for them, the more they elude us, so we look for them harder, and they elude us even more...Without doing something different, this vicious cycle continues until we lose all hope...Desperation is the biggest turnoff, not because people are not willing to accept someone warts and all, but when someone needs to gain ALL their self worth from someone else it is exhausting...emotionally, mentally and spiritually....
But there IS hope....as I said, 'without doing something different'...If your car is not running the way you want it to, you do some work on it, fix the problem and it runs exactly to your liking. The same example can be used for our psyche...
So, on to the 'cliche' in question...
It seems to me that many people take the casual saying of "loving oneself" to the extreme....Loving yourself does not mean you automatically turn into a egomaniac...It does not mean that you suddenly become intolorant of other's faults..
So, let's talk about the word that is really in question...LOVE...I sense that people's replies to this thread really is telling of their own personal definition of that word. I am not saying anyone's personal view of LOVE is wrong, but just different...Hey, if it works for you, then do it!...:)
But for me, love is the natrual progression of deep friendship. In ANY relationship (romantic and otherwise) you need every aspect of friendship in order to make it work....Trust, Honesty, Respect.
If this is said to be a fact, then let's look back on the original quote and insert the definitions...
"You have to trust, respect and be honest with YOURSELF before you can trust, respect and be honest with someone else"...
So, if we put it like that....now there is a whole new set of qustions that we can ask....
"Am I honest with myself?" (this is a tricky one as most people are very good at rationalizing their actions)
"Do I trust not only my thoughts but my actions?"
"Do I respect myself because of my thoughts and actions?"
I had a pretty nasty breakup last May.....it pretty much devistated me (mostly because I did not see it coming at all)....I decided to do work on me...to address the shortcomings that were glaring me in the face....I embarked on my "single summer"...that turned into "available Autumn"...and now is "Wistful Winter" (using the "2. Full of thought; eagerly attentive; meditative; musing; pensive; contemplative." definition of Wistful)...
I am still single, and actually having a ball...not to say there are not many opportunites that arise, there are more than I can even comprehend sometimes, but I am very content right where I am, and people that I come in contact with understand that...:)
Bottom line....Healthy people attract healthy people....Dude, you sound like a nice guy...quit worrying about being single, being in a relationship, and the superficial reasons for either...
Get to the meat of the matter....work on yourself, face your demons, identify and conquer your fears...be honest about your shortcomings and always strive to improve yourself....whether it is when you wake up in the morning or the last minute you are awake at the end of the day, that is really the only thing you can control and therefore change....
I think you will be very pleasantly suprised at the results...:D |
That is beautiful!!!!
Andie:) |
|
|
| Tordan |
| quote: | Originally posted by kamil
^Those are relationships nonetheless. |
That is true but if someone tells you, "I just got out of a crappy relationship." What type of relationship would you assume it is? A fling or something more than that? |
|
|
| kamil |
^i know what u mean.....
hmm....the more i post in this thread, the more i want sex with the girl im seeing....hahaha |
|
|
| Spankmeister |
| quote: | Originally posted by andielips
That is beautiful!!!!
Andie:) |
Thanks!....:) |
|
|
| Magnetonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spankmeister
Interesting thread....
Bottom line....Healthy people attract healthy people....Dude, you sound like a nice guy...quit worrying about being single, being in a relationship, and the superficial reasons for either...
Get to the meat of the matter....work on yourself, face your demons, identify and conquer your fears...be honest about your shortcomings and always strive to improve yourself....whether it is when you wake up in the morning or the last minute you are awake at the end of the day, that is really the only thing you can control and therefore change....
I think you will be very pleasantly suprised at the results...:D |
Thanks for the great tips ...
I am delighted that at least once a thread that I started is of a good use to most participants ... everybody is picking something up |
|
|
| muzzybear |
| quote: | Originally posted by kamil
i think the reason why im "bitter" is because i got burned last year by my ex, and im pissed off that every other relationship ive tried to have this year has gone ed up, so ive just given up and i dont give a about relationships. |
"Love like you've never been hurt"
Someone said "it takes as long as you were in the relationship to recover from the relationship." Baloney. Take what you've learned into your next "relationship" but don't shut off your heart, or you'll push people away. You'll find your equal eventually, but learn from the past, don't carry it with you into your future. You'll get into an accident if you only drive looking in the rear view mirror. |
|
|
| Magnetonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by muzzybear
"Love like you've never been hurt"
Someone said "it takes as long as you were in the relationship to recover from the relationship." Baloney. Take what you've learned into your next "relationship" but don't shut off your heart, or you'll push people away. You'll find your equal eventually, but learn from the past, don't carry it with you into your future. You'll get into an accident if you only drive looking in the rear view mirror. |
Thats an EXCELLENT point. I like it. I cant really convert it to this situation though ... if you get rejected over and over, you try new methods and learn from previous mistakes ... but what if it just keeps on happening? That way you wouldn't be able to tell a difference between "success" and failure".
Just like as saying, you will not know what HEAT is without first experiencing cold, light from dark, love from fear (YES, opposite of love is NOT hate - just think about it), etc. etc. |
|
|
| muzzybear |
| quote: | Originally posted by Magnetonium
if you get rejected over and over, you try new methods and learn from previous mistakes ... but what if it just keeps on happening? That way you wouldn't be able to tell a difference between "success" and failure".
|
Then it wasn't meant to be. My mom would say it takes "all four seasons" to get to know someone. You don't have to change who you are at all. You'll find someone who loves you for who you are, not what they want you to be. That's part of accepting yourself and others (lovers, friends). That's not to say everyone will accept you for who you are, but life's too short to want eveyone to like you, and not eveyone's going to get along. That's what variety and life's about (in my opinion). Cherish those who love you and too bad for those who don't! ;) |
|
|
| Skipper |
| quote: | Originally posted by Magnetonium
To be frankly honest, this is the only thing in this thread I strongly disagree about ... I've got A friend, thats all. Never had a relationship. Never had a girlfriend. I get along with people, everybody likes me ... I lived ALONE for 9 MONTHS ... renting ... and I havent changed ... 6 years alone ... other that the times I've been clubbing with you guys, I dont really do anything else ... work, sleep, eat ..
I know it may sound brutal / like a broken record, but I am saying that this theory doesn't work. |
You asked for an explanation of that saying. I gave you one. I never suggested it had to do with your specific situation. |
|
|
| Magnetonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by Skipper
You asked for an explanation of that saying. I gave you one. I never suggested it had to do with your specific situation. |
Oh, ok ... didnt mean to sound so harsh! But it is a valid point! |
|
|
|
|
