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ex's as friends?
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| goonerjack |
*post*-relationship thread :sadgreen: :clown:
Anyway, something had been up between me and my gf of half a year... she had been ignoring me for a bit (put it down to stress in other areas of her life) but after I found out it was her ploy to make me dump her I decided it really wasn't worth continuing the relationship
So she did the whole crying thing, don't wanna lose/hurt me blah blah bull blah and says she wants to stay really close friends. At the moment I really don't want that after she's made me feel so crap and not been totally honest with me etc. - my friends don't do that
Although, I still do think she's a lovely girl - really do miss the way we used to be - and just wondering if these hurt feelings will subside and if it's worth persuing the friends thing... right now I can't see any advantages of sticking around apart from gaining another female contact, which are always handy...
thoughts? (sensible thoughts :p) |
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| squirrelly |
Doesn't work. At least not for a while. Especially if you've had a nasty break up. I'm good friends now with one of my exs. I talk to once in a while just to make sure everything is okay (we dated five years on and off I'd like to make sure he's still alive). However, it took us about a good year and a half to become good friends. I tried to stay friends with the most recent of ex's but our break up was a nasty one and try as hard as we do, we end up fighting more than talking, so we just gave up and send and email every now and again just to make sure the other is doing alright. Even that took four months to become friendly-ish after all the that was talked immediately after the break up, and we still aren't really friendly.
Let it go, they are ex's for a reason. Better to just cut them out of your life rather than hold on to a friendship because it's so much harder to get over the person. Try picking up a friendship with them maybe after a significant amount of time has passed. |
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| kr00t0n |
I've not managed to get it to work, it's weird, it wasn't a nasty break up or anything, but it's like our lives are suddenly completely different...
No matter, it's all good now :D |
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| ClubGoddess |
| I think it also depends on whether you guys were good friends BEFORE you started dating. If that is the case, the friendship is sometimes easier to keep. If not, then dating each other is all you know of each other then it's a lot more difficult, almost impossible to keep the friendship, unfortunately. |
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| Slylee |
doesn't work unless both of you are 110% OK with the breakup...like if you both are just really laid back about it and you both sort of fell out of love, but still respect and care for each other. it has to be mutual, and some time has to pass after the breakup. that's usually the only way.
but that's not the case most of the time...one of the two usually doesn't want the breakup, so that makes things difficult. in that case, cut all ties with them and move on. |
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| butterfly |
| i dont think exes should be friends. |
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| Spunky Girl |
| its never been able 2 work 4 me, i guess because we both just want to close that chapter and move on... |
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| jonSun |
| Its weird, some ex's I could be friends with & some not. Almost all my break ups were bad too, with the girls going crazy & . After a while a few chilled out. One of the crazier ones called me last week & we talked for an hour & it was cool. Then some of the not as crazy ones it just doesnt work. |
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| The Soundman |
I personally have had good friendships come out of relationships, some of which have come from relationships that started with just dating, etc, but mostly from people with whom i'd had some kind of friendship (how ever short) first.
It all depends on whether you both want to give it a try, but you will never know until you do (that is if you won't to)!
Good Luck
:) |
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| Floorfiller |
| i'm still trying to somehow make a friendship with my ex work. its hard at times because i must admit i still look at her as mine...but she's an important part of my life with or without her and because of that i'm trying to make it work...but its definitely something very hard and we still fight every once in a while, but i think we are both too important to each other to just let go completely...even though we've both come close... |
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| dj_mdma |
definately doesn't work in the short term. You either don't break up completely and are likely to keep on seeing them, and then you'll get back together, or you have to cut them out of your life completely...at least for a substantial amount of time.
The amount of time that needs to pass is dependent on yourself and your ex. It could be weeks, months or years before you can be at the stage you were before you were together. Time is the healer, and only YOU know when its right to associate yourself with them.
It's usually easier when you both find someone else as you aren't holding on to them in your head.
As for my ex, i haven't spoken to her since xmas time. we had an...ok...breakup, but after xmas, we had a bit of a row and i thought it was best not to associate myself with her. There is more to this story, but i won't elaborate :p haven't heard nor tried to contact her since february. It would be nice to stay friends, as she was a nice person and everything, but for the moment, it is good to let sleeping dogs lie |
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| wwu.punisher |
It all depends on whether you banged her in the pooper or not. If you did, don't even try. If you didn't... there's hope.
But seriously... don't even try it, man. It almost never works. You'll feel awkward. Just get the out while you still can. |
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