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Personal Problem Of The Week
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| Ygrene |
Ok, here goes! Not so much *my* problem but it does affect me.
A very good friend of mine, who is a great guy btw and doesn't deserve this crap, is in a position to be VERY hurt. He is in his second marriage, of roughly a year, and it appears that his wife is cheating on him. He does not know this, however.
His first marriage ended with *BINGO* his wife cheating on him.
So my dilemna is, do I tell him or hope he finds out on his own? The only reason I know what's going on is because other friends have told me. They don't want to tell him because they are worried it'll crush him. I'm in the same boat but, I feel like if I don't tell him, I'm a bastard for not doing so.
The tiest part about it is that this guy srsly is one of the coolest, most down-to-earth guys around. This kind of is what turns people like him into jaded, spiteful s.
I swear I want to roundhouse this bitch.
Give me your thoughts plz. |
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| Floorfiller |
| that's a tricky situation, but i would tell him. it's gonna hurt, but sooner is better as far as finding that out. they've only been married a year and this chick is already cheating? it's gonna continue and your friend is better off without this whore... |
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| lücid |
even though it's not really your responsibility to tell him, he'll probably appreciate it in the long-run. i don't care how hurt i'd be, if someone knew that my bf/husband was cheating on me i'd want to know so i could get rid of the cheatin' bastard immediately!
that sucks tho... sorry your friend has to deal with that . :( |
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| Radagast |
Quite a conundrum I must say.
But for you, the best solution would probably be to just make a mean face, go up to the guy she's cheating with, and be all "Hey man...hey...........man......hey......................man.....hey........man hey.................................man." in a really deep voice until he pees his pants. |
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| Moral Hazard |
I would only say anything if I had incontravertable evidence to back up the charge. If you jump in now and say something based on rumours that you cannot verify or prove then you run the risk of a) being wrong and putting unnecessary strain on their marriage, b) being disbelieved by your friend thus resulting in friction, perhaps worse, c) creating an environment of distrust that may result in marital breakdown without cause for same. In short, unless you can prove it don't say !
Now, without proof I would suggest that you could stear your friend's thoughts to the suspicious so that it will prompt him to find out for himself, however, be careful with this. |
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| Ygrene |
What makes it worse is that they are supposed to come stay with us next month. I want him to come but, leave her behind.
My other dilemma is that I'm going off of information fed to me by friends. I have no first-hand experience with what is going on. So even though I don't doubt the info, I think it's going to be tough to go to him and say "Well I heard from X and Y that this happened." I guess I just need to find the right approach.
EDIT: EXACTLY, Moral! |
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| Slylee |
i would get proof first then confront the wife and see what her problem is and why she is cheating. tell her that if she doesn't cut off this other relationship, that you are going to tell him everything.
give her a chance...and i'm not saying this because i feel bad for her...i feel bad for your friend. maybe she is just not satisfied or something or maybe (despite your friend being a really great guy) he isn't very attentive to her at home or something...who knows. but try to get an answer from her. if it looks like she is just a no good wife who will probably never change, then go with your instinct and tell your buddy. but if she breaks down and cries and feels horrible and has a somewhat decent explanation, then i would just have a talk with her and tell her to get into counseling with your buddy if they have issues that need to be addressed.
but definitely get proof other than just your friends telling you. and i would just confront her.
but if people are already talking about it, chances are, your friend is going to find out soon. just hope that he doesn't find out that you knew and didn't say anything. |
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| Slylee |
do it Robert Dinero style in Heat, when he follows Ashley Judd and busts her in that hotel room with that guy and then goes to the room, pretending to be house keeping and kicks in the door and has a stern talk with her.
of course he DID say that if it didn't work out, that he would set her up in a condo with her kid...hahah u obviously don't have to do that part. :p |
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| Radagast |
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| Creamfields23 |
APPEARS 
Don't act before you know its 100% true. |
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| Ygrene |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i would get proof first then confront the wife and see what her problem is and why she is cheating. tell her that if she doesn't cut off this other relationship, that you are going to tell him everything.
give her a chance...and i'm not saying this because i feel bad for her...i feel bad for your friend. maybe she is just not satisfied or something or maybe (despite your friend being a really great guy) he isn't very attentive to her at home or something...who knows. but try to get an answer from her. if it looks like she is just a no good wife who will probably never change, then go with your instinct and tell your buddy. but if she breaks down and cries and feels horrible and has a somewhat decent explanation, then i would just have a talk with her and tell her to get into counseling with your buddy if they have issues that need to be addressed.
but definitely get proof other than just your friends telling you. and i would just confront her.
but if people are already talking about it, chances are, your friend is going to find out soon. just hope that he doesn't find out that you knew and didn't say anything. |
Part of the reason why friends found out in the first place was because of her lying. She was lying about being out with friends and in the meantime did her affairing. One of the friends called her out on it and told her not to use her for her lies. Her response was that she could have her killed if she wanted to. :wtf:
Which is one reason why I don't want to confront her, because she is a pathological liar and I think things would get out of hand quick.
The other thing that sucks is that this isn't really a phone call type of conversation. If I do this, I would prefer it to be in person and he's in Indiana.
| quote: | Originally posted by Radagast
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Hahahahahaha! |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
maybe she is just not satisfied or something or maybe (despite your friend being a really great guy) he isn't very attentive to her at home or something...who knows. |
This is a load of crap. People cheat because they have internal issues, not because of anything their partner has or hasn't done.
Relationships take work, and real love is even more work. You don't just go cheat when things get boring or whatever. That's ing weak.
If this girl is a cheater, she'll cheat on any partner she's with, regardless if he's the perfect man or not. |
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