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Sticky situations at work (pg. 2)
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| MarkT |
I'd agree with those saying to approach your manager...and say exactly what you typed here.
i.e. that you're not looking to immediately file a formal harassment complaint (but make it clear that you WILL if nothing is done)...and that you're not looking for anyone to "get in "...but that his behaviour is unacceptable and has to stop.
I think your manager, if they have *any* sense whatsoever, doesn't want to deal with a formal complaint and will appreciate you going to them first...so they'll take action.
| quote: | Originally posted by VERTiG0
I had a 60 year old woman slap my ass last Friday at work.
Wierd. |
admit it...you got a semi :D |
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| Dancing*Queen |
| quote: | Originally posted by rabbitjoker
"sticky" eh? (sorry, I had to say it... ;) off-color joke I know)
Management training has taught me (i.e. this is how our lawyers told us to handle such situations):
1. Document everything. Dates, times, locations, words, discussions, situations, clothing, haircuts, etc. KEEP DETAILED LOGS OF EVERY INTERACTION. Do not be alone with perpetrator -ever-. Always have witnesses, seek witness observational testimony (i.e. "Did you see that? Would you mind writing down what you saw, signing it and dating it?").
2. Do not talk to the perpetrator directly. You are not his/her boss, you are not in a position to offer discipline. This will only cause confrontations and may cause you harm (demotion, firing, physical, etc.).
3. Report the matter to the highest level executive within the perpetrators department and your own department. Provide them detailed documentation of the harassment. Deliver the the complaint verbally but also in writing (via registered mail, keep receipt).
4. No change or negative consequence of your reporting of the issue? File a sexual harassment complaint against the bastard and the shoddy organization with the Ontario Human Rights Commission (http://www.ohrc.on.ca) and then be prepared to go through a possibly lengthy process of settlement.
Considering not doing anything? Worst possible option. Imagine what the next woman will feel like - imagine how things could end up if the next woman was more compliant/subservient (due to power exchange). By not reporting you perpetuate abuse. |
Agree 100% with RJ. You have expressed your concern once, and he failed to respect it. You should report it. You have no right to feel uncomfortable at work. I was in a similar situation at my last job, it won't stop if you don't report it, unfortunately. |
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| MarkT |
^^^ the only thing I'd change in RJ's great post is to first report it to your direct supervisor. It's then their responsibility to follow up with either higher management (if the issue is beyond their power to handle themselves), their counterpart in the other guy's dept, and/or HR.
going over your own supervisor's head...or going directly to a supervisor in another dept...is generally frowned upon in the corporate world (and with good reason, IMHO).
if you go to someone higher up, you inadvertently make your boss look as if they are unaware of what's going on in their own dept...and that you have a lack of confidence in their ability to handle the situation. No one likes to get news from THEIR boss about what's happening in their own dept...it's a snub.
the exception is if you have an HR dept...approaching HR without going to your boss is fine...particularly for sensitive matters.
but I'd suggest only going over your boss' head if they fail to take reasonabe action once you've alerted them to the situation. |
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| geroin |
i've had that happen to me before with a 40 somethin year old woman
she was my manager and she would contantly make me do around the restaurant i worked at because i didnt want to do anything sexual with her. She watched me change in the changeroom while i was standing in my underwear and would always offer me a ride home. There was a lot more but im not gonna write an essay about it here. Anyways, I eventually quit. |
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| nusty |
| quote: | Originally posted by VERTiG0
I had a 60 year old woman slap my ass last Friday at work.
Wierd. |
Still working as a stripper at retirement parties? yeah them old ones can be a handful at those things... watch out. ;)
I had bruises after my last one. :eek: |
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| Cosmic Fur |
| A 40-something male employee winked at me the other week. :nervous: |
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| Killah Monkey |
| quote: | Originally posted by MarkT
^^^ the only thing I'd change in RJ's great post is to first report it to your direct supervisor. It's then their responsibility to follow up with either higher management (if the issue is beyond their power to handle themselves), their counterpart in the other guy's dept, and/or HR.
going over your own supervisor's head...or going directly to a supervisor in another dept...is generally frowned upon in the corporate world (and with good reason, IMHO).
if you go to someone higher up, you inadvertently make your boss look as if they are unaware of what's going on in their own dept...and that you have a lack of confidence in their ability to handle the situation. No one likes to get news from THEIR boss about what's happening in their own dept...it's a snub.
the exception is if you have an HR dept...approaching HR without going to your boss is fine...particularly for sensitive matters.
but I'd suggest only going over your boss' head if they fail to take reasonabe action once you've alerted them to the situation. |
I agree
Lars, I had a similar thing happen to me years ago with my boss. He was a slimy guy that would play off his sexual harrassment as nothing.
He proded me about the reasoning for me having a tongue ring when we were in a department meeting and after I told him I was uncomfortable, he continued to insist I answer the question.
And later he shook my hand and was feeling how stong the muscles were in my hand. He was the slimiest.... blah... and I couldn't talk to him cause he made me feel gross... So I went to HR... He ended up leaving before the company was able to fire him...
Oh... and I have more stories than this... The curse of being a woman in a male dominated industry...
The problem is that some women are ok with this type of behaviour or even men. When you build an office rapport with someone, sometimes lines are crossed and policies are broken. Maybe a company wide presentation on sexual harrassment in the workplace would be a good suggestion for where you work Larissa. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
I've had a couple simila situations at various work places, but none have gotten that bad. I've either avoided the person, or made it clear that I was not interested and they left me alone.
In your situation Lars I think you should give the guy one more chance and the next time he says something to you just tell him straight up that he's making you and your co-workrs very uncomfortable with his behaviour and it could be classified as sexual harrassment. Say that you've given him more than one chance to quit his behaviour and that if he continues you'll have no choice but to go to HR or the administrator.
I know you don't want him to lose his job b/c of this...but if he's going to keep acting like this after multiple warnings from co-workers than it's his own fault. That is not work appropriate behaviour. |
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| kabelicious |
Lars, RJ has the right idea. It is very important to take this that seriously as far as documentation goes and who to talk to. If you want a good example why, I have a doozy.
When I first left college, I got a job working as an entry level engineer - a traveling job where i was in different states each week testing sites. My "mentor"/supervisor was the son of the company's second in command (like 5-6 years older than me) and it was usually just the two of us who went on these trips. At first, talking with him in the office, going over procedure, etc. it was fine - he was very polite, courteous, etc.
We went on our first trip and he got just smashed at dinner one night. Too smashed. I went to bed but some of the commentary made me uneasy - he had a fiance, etc. After that, I mostly just ate with him and went to bed because I couldn't stand the drinking. I didn't tell anyone about it - just figured since it was off hours it wasn't my place.
One trip took us to a small town in Louisiana - on the weekend we decided to go to New Orleans rather than sit in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere. This was about 6 months into the job and we also had two other guys joining us on this trip. We went to dinner and, as usual, my boss got smashed. We all had a few drinks but we weren't drunk. We decided to walk down Bourbon Street and the guy just kept doing shots, etc. Then he started trying to pick fights with strangers on the street - when that didn't work, he tried getting the two guys to fight him. Then he turned to me, put me in a headlock and proceeded to try to drag me into a strip club citing "c'mon you ing dyke, let's go". I brought up my heel and heeled him in the balls. We left him at the strip club and went elsewhere in the city to calm down - the guys I was with were pissed off at our boss. By the time we got back to our hotel, we found a trail of his clothing leading to his hotel room (we had to go in there to get keys to our trucks) and he was lying there in bed, passed out, no clothes on, and a porn in the background. We took photos of course (we were a little drunk by then) and left. The next day, he didn't talk much and wouldn't look any of us in the eye. Turns out he dropped $2500 on a stripper (on his credit card) before he got kicked out.
When I got back to Michigan, I quit that job. There were a few other reasons besides this one but it was a big one. I was naive and thought that there was no way I could get him to change or be reassigned because he was the big boss's son. So stupid - I wish to this day I had walked into one of the executive's offices and reported him. But I didn't and I regret it to this day because, when I was in a training course for a different company, I came across another employee who had hired on at the 's company and was basically working the same job I had with him as her supervisor. He hadn't changed a bit - was still drunk all the time and being abusive. If I had reported him, I would have saved people 2 years of his crap.
In short, don't take it, Lars - talk to a supervisor and stop it now. |
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| King Luis |
| quote: | Originally posted by MarkT
admit it...you got a semi :D |
^^^ewww :wtf:
don't go to him directly cause he'll just ignore the whole conversation or do something you don't want him to do.
go to a superior person then him. |
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| Cosmic Fur |
| For every few women that dislike the mild sexual harassment at work, there's that one woman who enjoys getting her ass slapped on her way out of the coffee room. They're the ones ruining it for the rest of you girls, because nobody ever talks about the reserved girls, but EVERYONE talks about the office ho. |
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| zokissima |
| I suggest you no longer confront this individual. Just avoid them. As stated before, document every instance of this behaiviour, and immediately report it to your manager. The words "sexual harassment" should be enough to get anyone's attention. If you have an HR department, go there. If your boss doesn't follow through with a resolution, RJ's post will give you your next steps. Just stay out of the way of this individual, lest their pestering become more bothersome or worse. |
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