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Worst Situation to have to Take a Big Dump (pg. 2)
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| spc |
this isn't a big dump story but i think it would fit well in this thread. this happened last month
I normally park my car in the parking lot @ the gym, but i decided to park on the street. After I finished working out with my friend, I sarcastically say to him, "parking in the lot is for losers, parking on the street is for champions". I was really going to eat my words for saying that.
So I make my way to my car, start the car up, and start driving. Everything is ok, for now. I arrive at the stop sign down the block, notice that the coast is clear, so I attempt to go into first gear and make a right turn. I'm having a hard time changing gears because my foot is slipping off the clutch pedal and it's really frustrating! I eventually get it into gear and go on my way. Shifting gears is still annoying because my foot is slipping off the clutch.
Then I notice a very distinct smell.
No, it couldn't be what I think it is. I pull over to see wtf is going on. Why is my clutch being so difficult and wtf is that damn awful smell? I turn on the interior lights and I notice that the clutch pedal is smeared with some dark stuff. I then examine my shoe and it's the same dark stuff. Oh god, I stepped in dogcrap while walking to my car.
I almost throw up and I'm now making gagging noises. I have no idea wtf I'm supposed to do now. I can't knock on some random stranger's house nearby and ask them to help me clean up my crap-smeared pedals and crap-smeared shoes. I'm about 2 miles away from home so I say, screw it. I engage my crap-smeared clutch pedal with my crap-smeared shoe and floor it. I'm still making gagging noises because the smell is god-awful. I'm forced to put down the windows in 30 degree weather so I don't throw up. So now I'm freezing and dying from the smell of dogcrap. I'm going 55 in a 25 just to make it home.
Anyway, I eventually make it home. I don't know how the hell I would have explained myself if I were to get pulled over by a cop. Turns out my floormat got crap on it too so I had to clean that as well. good times! |
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| Scoops |
worst place i ever took a at:
TEMPTATIONS in Seaside Hghts, New Jersey |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
| quote: | Originally posted by bas
One time I was walking home from school and had to really REALLY bad. So half way through my walk I started this sort of hop-jog thing. I couldn't actually jog for several reasons: 1) I was sort of out of shape 2) I had this backpack that weighed easily 30 pounds and 3) I had to , if I had attempted an actual jog it would have just come streaming down my leg.
So anyway, I'm at the end of my block now and I can feel the turtle head poking out so I say " it" and drop my backpack and run full speed toward my house. I get to the front door and the pressure of ting my pants has hit me hard, I'm fumbling in my pocket for my keys and I drop them several times on the floor before finally getting the door open. I think I'm home free but OH NO the alarm went off! I'm standing in front of the alarm box frantically trying to hit the code to deactivate it. I get that done (seemed like I was standing there for 10 mins in a cold sweat trying to remember the easiest code on the planet) and head for the can. But it was too late, as soon as I stepped foot in the bathroom I myself :stongue: |
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahaha whaaaaaaaaaaat the :stongue:
Some stories you are supposed to keep to yourself. We can hold this against you forever now. |
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| Spacey Orange |
| quote: | Originally posted by callme:gsmile
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[/thwarted] |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
| quote: | Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahaha whaaaaaaaaaaat the :stongue:
Some stories you are supposed to keep to yourself. We can hold this against you forever now. |
hahahahahaha yeah I'm cracking up!
ting yourself in the bathroom, now THAT is irony! |
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| smakmagik |
I used to go to cricket practice every morning a couple of years back, and the field was miles away from a toilet. Urge to came so suddenly, I had no time to run anywhere. Luckily I was the first one there, and crapped right next to the boundary line which afforded a bit of tree cover.
Quickest job ever. |
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| Halcyon+On+On |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov
ting yourself in the bathroom, now THAT is irony! |
My cousin took a in the woods some years back. He got a huge, nasty smudge on his pants - I think he overestimate the trajectory of his sphincter. Anyways, he bagged his pants because we were miles away from a laundromat of any sort, but thought it was funny enough of an event to let me know right after he bagged his, uh, .
That was like 7 years ago and I still bring it up on occasion.
He doesn't think it's really all that funny anymore. |
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| bas |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov
hahahahahaha yeah I'm cracking up!
ting yourself in the bathroom, now THAT is irony! |
I know! Dude I was so pissed, I managed to last the entire trip home until I actually got IN the bathroom. ing terrible.
I laughed so hard though :stongue: |
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| Spacey Orange |
i lifted this from another forum
| quote: | about three years i found myself in mexico on holiday but unfortunately came down with some rancid intestinal affliction. despite this, my mate somehow convinced me to go out with him to pick up some chicks at a senor frogs. after pounding a few, we hooked up with some chicks and decided to go to an afterparty. before we could go, i was overcome with stomach pains and, what i believed at the time, was some incredible amount of flatulence. i should have gone home, but the beer had screwed up my judgment.
so we took off riding around the city and i started to shart. this was no ordinary shart though. i could feel the squishy crap in my underpants and it began to soak through. the car started to smell quickly, so lit a smoke, but it didn't have any effect; everyone was coming on to my predicament. they started to say that it smelled like and that it was the guy from san francisco. after a while we finally went to some mentally handicapped girl's house because another guy that we were with wanted a quickie with her. after a couple of minutes there i excused myself to go to the restroom and stuffed my then soiled underpants under that poor girls toilet tank's cover.
i hope that in no way, this story stains my reputation |
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| jupiterone |
| I absolutely hate needing to take a massive at a concert. People waiting to use the stall you are in is so damn annoying. Just let me take a in peace and stop knocking on the ing stall door. |
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| iammesol |
| quote: | Originally posted by bas
One time I was walking home from school and had to really REALLY bad. So half way through my walk I started this sort of hop-jog thing. I couldn't actually jog for several reasons: 1) I was sort of out of shape 2) I had this backpack that weighed easily 30 pounds and 3) I had to , if I had attempted an actual jog it would have just come streaming down my leg.
So anyway, I'm at the end of my block now and I can feel the turtle head poking out so I say " it" and drop my backpack and run full speed toward my house. I get to the front door and the pressure of ting my pants has hit me hard, I'm fumbling in my pocket for my keys and I drop them several times on the floor before finally getting the door open. I think I'm home free but OH NO the alarm went off! I'm standing in front of the alarm box frantically trying to hit the code to deactivate it. I get that done (seemed like I was standing there for 10 mins in a cold sweat trying to remember the easiest code on the planet) and head for the can. But it was too late, as soon as I stepped foot in the bathroom I myself :stongue: |
:haha: :haha: :haha:
Ok, so I was in England this summer. My family and I are walking around the walled city of Chester. My Dad and I decide we have to go to the bathroom REALLY bad, so we start walking faster, in hopes of getting to our pub-hotel in time to pee. We failed. He decides to pee on the side of the street (coincidentally beside an elementary school LOL). I, being the "good boy" I am, decide to actually find a toilet.
I walk ahead of my Dad, desperately trying to get to the other side of the wall, because I know we only had a little more to go. Unfortunately, I am retarded. A bridge comes up that looks exactly like the stone wall we're traveling on, and I TURN RIGHT, thinking of course, that I'm following the wall perfectly and I will soon have my pee. Turns out, I end up going about a km down the road, OUT of the city, and into a residential area. At this point I panic. I'm alone, in a foreign country, and have to ING TAKE A PISS. I start running, trying to find ANYTHING public so I can let this stuff out, and nothing is around. Instincts take over and I started running like I've never run before. Finally I find a park, run into a washroom on site (whilst the English teenagers around stare going "Who the is that?") and have the most relieving pee I've ever had in my 18 and 1/2 years of life. It was over.
But wait, I was still alone and lost in a foreign country :p |
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| Ian |
worst was on scout camp, aged 11 when there was no paper in this campsites' cubicle so i had to use my underpants, luckily the door was lockable on the main block so i used some hot water with them, ripped them into pieces and got to wipe clean & back to my tent to put a new pair on.
Other than that, i've done the bas thing 3 times except made it each time, but wondered how i'd done so. the relief was major. |
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