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what would YOU do...need some serious advice (pg. 3)
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| 1dawoman |
| quote: | Originally posted by Irishaddict
Please tell me what 'telling him the truth' would do in this situation other than save your own face.
You have a mentally ill individual who is unreceptive to treatment and has clear trust issues to begin with if he's been missing for a week from him family. Get over yourselves, you're only compounding his problems in the name of 'justice'. |
agreed. in the big picture....telling him the truth right now isn't going help solve his problems....it'll only add to them. |
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| capo tutti di |
| quote: | Originally posted by TO guy
Man, this sucks ass, but you had to have known this _could_ have happened. That being said, this is so not your fault. You tell him what happened, he's going to find out eventually anyhow, and then move on. If he's in too deep, maybe try to be the good friend that brings him back.
Definately a tough sitch to be in though. |
I agree
also if they call the police, they have to indicate who he is with, how they now etc...likely if a formal statement isn't made, a phone call or notes would have been taken.
You could have saw this coming, but what do you do? you take a shot...you love your friend, and you were mislead. |
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| Irishaddict |
| quote: | Originally posted by Gypsy
their behaviour of lying to their kid. they're suppose to inspire confidence, honesty and responsibility in their kid, and it's not very believable if they can't even own up to their own involvement in the situation. |
Yes - in a perfect world (that doesn't exist).
Someone as far gone as schizophrenia, dropping out of school and going missing - is beyond the boundaries of conventional help. Put them back in the boundaries, and then yes, I would agree with you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. |
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| Irishaddict |
Anyways, I'm sure you'll get a lot more self-righteousness in this thread so I will just say this:
Do you want him to get better?
If so, please don't make this about you. Please keep the focus on him. The truth has a way of finding itself in situations like this anyways. You don't need to exploit the process in the name of self-interest. I'm sorry this happened, but I'm just asking you to look at the bigger picture. Good luck. :) |
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| Invasionmix |
| quote: | Originally posted by Irishaddict
Desperate times call for desperate measures. |
BIGGGGGG +11111 |
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| capo tutti di |
| quote: | Originally posted by 1dawoman
agreed. in the big picture....telling him the truth right now isn't going help solve his problems....it'll only add to them. |
The problem ultimately is addiction. So get him in rehab, obviously trigged the addiction so he needs counseling, perhaps the mental illness has always been there.
Whether he likes the truth or not he's likely in custody of some sort and is going to have to face the facts whether they add to the problem or not...sugarcoating a problem with a synthetic truth(lie) is like making things better through taking a drug. no? |
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| Gypsy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Irishaddict
Yes - in a perfect world (that doesn't exist).
Someone as far gone as schizophrenia, dropping out of school and going missing - is beyond the boundaries of conventional help. Put them back in the boundaries, and then yes, I would agree with you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. |
i don't think it's fair to say that this option would only exist in a perfect world. i'm aware there is no such thing. however that doesn't mean that we should write off its merit in the one were in. imagine what could be accomplished by not making excuses for dishonesty based on the world's apparent imperfection. |
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| Porky |
| quote: | Originally posted by evil_cookie
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. But the family is like begging me not to. |
If your friend's mom has the balls to call the cops to protect her son, she should take full responsibility instead of letting you take all the blame.
first she lied to you, then she's asking you to lie again? it's not only your friend who is ed up. |
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| Vivid Boy |
| quote: | Originally posted by evil_cookie
I’m in need of some serious advice, and I can’t seem to make up my mind…and the people I’ve talked to all say different things. So any sensible response/advice here would be appreciated…
Yesterday a brother of a friend of mine who I have not talked to in five years shows up at my door saying his brother has been missing for over a week (whom I also have no talked to for at least a year). It turns out he’s gotten himself kicked out of university and he’s caught up in drugs and . Anyway, half way through our talk their mom comes in…and immediately starts crying asking me to tell her where her son is, or if I know anyone that might. Turns out he ran away because of a court medical order – due to the excess drugs he’s been taking, he has developed a growing case of schizophrenia. So obviously I’m sad to hear this, but I have no clue where this guy is, or who his friends are for that fact. Truth be told, his drug use was the reason I disconnected myself from him. So I tell them that I would call if I heard anything.
So as my luck would have it…this afternoon he comes on msn, messages me saying that he is around my house and he’d like to see me. So I immediately call his brother and say look he’s at this place, what do you want me to do? He says: “meet up with him, we’re going to call the cops” at which point I say, no that, that is retarded, that would do more bad than good, I figure he just needs his family. Anyway, so I tell him to meet me at my restaurant since I was heading over there, and his mom calls me saying “please keep him there I’m on my way with my husband and my son, I promise I wont call the police”. So I take her word, and we chill at my restaurant for an hour or so waiting for his family (of course he does not suspect a thing)…and I’m getting nervous, cause I’m like where the are they…
Then guess what, I see two ing cop cars pull up outside (his back was turned so he couldn’t see) and his mother with them. Then his mother runs to the other side of the street with the husband and brother and hides…
Cops come in, ask him for his name, tell him that he’s under arrest and that they have a warrant for his arrest, he resists a little, they throw him to the ground, knee him a couple of times, push him against the wall till they got the cuffs on him…and I’m just standing there ing speechless, I mean what do I say? And my customers are all standing still as well…anyway not having said a word to him the whole time since the cops come, I’m just starring at him, and as they’re taking him he just says “thanks for the food”. And the cops take him.
After they leave…the family comes in, starts thanking me and , I’m like wtf guys, you said no cops, then they go on to explain that they had no option blah blah. Then I’m like okay great, but now he’s going to think I called the ing cops, cause nobody else knew he was at my restaurant beside me. So the mom cries a little bit, so does the dad, and they’re like, “we can’t let him know that we had anything to do with this, he will hate us forever”…”so we have to play it out as pure happenstance – you two were sitting here, there was a warrant for him, and the cops just came”. I’m like yeah great, that makes a lot of sense, cops randomly ing come to north York to my place looking for him…yeah…
So the family’s suggestion is that we act as if we never talked, he was just there, he got arrested for a warrant then I called an informed them…
But I don’t really like this ing plan, I want to tell him, look man, your parents called the cops on you, that’s it. Your mom came crying, I felt bad for her, so I wanted her to see you, then she showed up with cops, I had no idea about all the ed up that was going on in any of your lives.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. But the family is like begging me not to.
If he’s mentally unstable, and he is, and the family denies calling the cops, he’s going to rightfully assume I was out to get him.
What a ing day…
What do you guys think? =/ |
sounds like the family is a little mentally unstable. they got no balls em and do whats right for you not whats right for them. they didnt give a about your wishes you shouldnt give a about theirs |
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Gypsy
i don't think it's fair to say that this option would only exist in a perfect world. i'm aware there is no such thing. however that doesn't mean that we should write off its merit in the one were in. imagine what could be accomplished by not making excuses for dishonesty based on the worlds apparent imprefection. |
+1
How do you know that the truth being found out later is going to make the situation even more worse?
We know this dude has some mental problems, but we don't know the full extent, as in whether this dude has capability to make rational choices or not.
I may live in an imperfect world, but I don't run away from consequences of my actions, nor do I screw over other people without their consent, no matter how good my intentions are.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, or something like that. |
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| Gypsy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Irishaddict
Anyways, I'm sure you'll get a lot more self-righteousness in this thread |
what you call self-righteous, i call responsible.
but whatever. to each their own. |
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| Porky |
one more point.
i agree with the mother for arresting her son. but she should have some integrity and own up to what she did instead of concocting some ed up excuse and avoiding full responsibility. |
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