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looking to hire a private assassin (pg. 5)
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| igottaknow |
| best revenge is to make them listen to you have loud sex with a fat chick. |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| I find there are few problems that cannot be solved with faeces. |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
I find there are few problems that cannot be solved with faeces. |
:stongue: |
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| Chris Crossland |
| quote: | Originally posted by ChemEnhanced
for $100,000.00 I can hook you up...just don't ask any questions. |
Outrageous! I'll do it for $5,000 a head plus airfare. I can handle transportation and supplies from the airport. |
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| jupiterone |
| damage has been done |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
Elaborate. |
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| CorneliusCB21T |
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| Lews |
| quote: | Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN
Elaborate. |
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| jupiterone |
i wouldn't say i completely followed the advice here, i sort of experimented and got creative with the throwing food thing. the good bit is, their window is one floor below mine, so i have a slight safety advantage. standing up their ing can be somewhat visible as they did have their lights on, mainly just the end of the bed could be seen moving about. now i couldn't do anything solid as it'd require too much time to crack through their net and get that substance inside. i needed a quicker approach.
i went through some work to make sure this was well accomplished, slid the bug net on my window very quietly to ensure my stealth tactics were not compromised. once that was done i went to the kitchen and created personal stink bombs. no chemicals included, just lots of natural stink. i chopped half an onion as fine as possible, minced 8 cloves of medium sized garlic. i had mayonnaise left that i was going to get rid of any way. put some flour into the mix of onion, garlic and mayo to strengthen its density to ensure it didn't simply seep through a paper towel.
now, i'm a huge fan of spicy food, i ing love it, i searched my spices and remembered that i still had ghost chili powder left over that i ordered online last year. i dumped all that in, with grounded black pepper and paprika. that being done, i smelled the whole mixture, smelled rather pungent, sting from the chili powder was just right. but it was in no way enough to create damage. canned tuna. instead of draining the juice, i poured it all right into the mix with the tuna itself. load of mixing, all of this took around 15-20 minutes and they were still in the midst of it all, no pauses.
took the mixture, was a tad too soft again, added more flour to get it thicker. took 6 paper towel sheets, laid them out on the counter, ice cream scooper, 6 big globs of my mixture into the paper towels. rolled them into balls, and fastened them tightly so they didn't fall apart mid-air, moistened the paper towels to help them break upon impact. things we're looking ing great. i turn my lights off, take a few steps back, home made stink bombs by my side, i could still get decent aim at their window, which is well sized, so my chances of missing by too much aren't large.
i take swing, first misses by a bit, but splatters a huge ing rorschach-like creation on the outside of their window (even better, now the stink will ferment in the summer heat and carry into their place) grab the 2nd from my left hand, falls slightly below the 1st throw. 3rd goes slightly above, 4th and 5th hit the bug net and seriously just carry their contents through the bug net, 6th hits below the net again (aim was off, i was slightly drunk). i ing duck just in case they go on look out. they have no idea who it could be because there are just lots of open windows around theirs. all of them splatter beautiful marks. suddenly, the sex stops, all i hear is muffled talking at this point as traffic whizzes by.
traffic quiets down a bit, the guy i believe comes to his window as i lay ducked under mine and yells some ing in spanish, then proceeds to scream "what the " in english multiple times. i'm trying extremely hard not to just explode into laughter. i'm pinching myself to stop from doing so. he keeps screaming in spanish, and the girl even starts yelling (i think they saw the splatter marks that went through their net. i crawl to my bedroom quietly. i am lying snug in my bed, they're still furious, still yelling. one of the peoplemy complex yells "shut the up" at the top of his lungs. not only did i do my part, but one neighbor joined in on the fun after the yelling commenced.
i'm moving into my new place tomorrow, i feel very accomplished, i don't feel a single bit of regret for doing what most would consider an extremely ed up thing. i wanted to get out of this place i've despised so much with a ing bang. what better way to go out with a bang than to hopefully some dick head neighbors night/morning up? they ended up closing their window, a huge slam. i don't blame them, i wouldn't want that smell getting propelled into my apartment by the breeze as well. |
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| Sushipunk |
Ok, you just won yourself an entire internet.
On the house :stongue: |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| i am disappoint. sounds more like you cooked them a meal. where was the faeces? |
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