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A joke (pg. 9)
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| Lilith |
Two hobos are sitting by the rail tracks telling tall tales of past adventures and loves. One says to the other " as god is my witness I had the best sex ever right over there behind that shed. Believe it or not I found the fair maiden tied to the tracks and on releasing her from her binds, we ducked behind the shed and had at it for 2 straight days."
"Was she a real looker?" asked the other hobo.
"Not sure" was the reply. "Never did find her head". |
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| LAdazeNYnights |
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they arrived home, the mailman was dead on their porch. |
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| FuzzQi |
| quote: | Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they arrived home, the mailman was dead on their porch. |
oh snap |
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| aquila |
| quote: | Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they arrived home, the mailman was dead on their porch. |
Labour pains can kill people?
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyit! :nervous: |
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| love_child |
| ask me if I am a car |
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| FuzzQi |
^ Are you a car?
also:
3 guys go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid. And the whole scene unravels with a tedious inevitability. |
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| love_child |
| quote: | Originally posted by FuzzQi
^ Are you a car?
also:
3 guys go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid. And the whole scene unravels with a tedious inevitability. |
yep...beep beep, now ask me if I am a train |
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| love_child |
| quote: | Originally posted by aquila
are you a train? |
no.. I am a car |
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| Jarvmeister |
I'll keep this brief......
Frank and John are on the 7th hole of their favourite golf course, it's a lovely sunny morning.
As John lines up to putt for a birdie, a funeral procession passes. As it does he stops what he's doing, removes his cap and bows his head. Only when the procession has gone from site does he resume his putt. He gets the birdie.
Frank is clearly moved by Johns sincerity, and comments that he thinks it's a very noble action.
John replies "Well Frank, it was the least I could do, she was a good wife to me." |
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| aquila |
| quote: | Originally posted by love_child
no.. I am a car |
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| knowhope |
An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey, He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am felling pretty sad because it looks like i won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best i could do under the circumstances Love you, Vinnie.. |
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