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Coworker sexually assaulted me; boss is angry with me that it happened. (pg. 9)
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| Banora |
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
When i was 19 i was fired from a cafe/sushi place for being TOO FRIENDLY with the customers. WTF? I thought that was my job?! :gsmile: |
I've been told before I am too friendly/chatty. I have also been told I am a cold bitch. I can deal with people in a short amount of time as long as I have a reset time. I hate being forced into longterm buddy-buddy situations. I will be friendly, give me some time. I am a Scandinavian, we hate everyone.
| quote: | Originally posted by Ted Promo
AND IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT FOR ALWAYS |
I hate people who pull that , but in the last year I seriously feel like I have become one of those people. The amount of ed up circumstances I have ran into, on top of being an at-will state, has been hilarious.
| quote: | Originally posted by Ted Promo
Honestly, if you can get out of serving, bartending, and the food industry in general you would most likely be better served. Most ofthe food companies seem not to care all that much about ethics, benefits are scant, and accountability is rare. Retail jobs tend to stink, but there tends to be more of a structure to them. |
I have been spamming my resume to every office needing a kick-ass secretary. I am a beast at filing, copying, answering phones. Also personal assistant. Since I have experience with artist handling and festival producing I feel more than confident I can get someone's coffee and pick up their dry cleaning.
| quote: | Originally posted by Vivid Boy
I think if she gave up her coochie like he wanted her to she'd have been promoted and been in a better position than she is now.
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All jokes aside, I do sometimes feel angry at myself that I have this... stuck up nobility that I am not willing to use men for their money or show off my bits for cash. Even when I was at my lowest, when I was first living on my own and had to keep my heat off and water heater off in December and was stealing crackers from Wendy's to eat I never could bring myself to strip or take money from men.
| quote: | Originally posted by Desiderata
Banora has the worst luck with jobs ever. I've seen her tell a few stories. Have you thought of going back to school, you're still young. |
I have. I will, too. I want to go up to Boston and finish my degree and move on to my Masters. I'm starting to realize International Business and Trade will not fly in Kentucky.
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
Also i think it should be said that Jori doesn't have a great support system like a lot of us do. She has mentioned before that she does not have a good (or any) relationship with her parents. She's left to her own devices to cover her ass when money gets tight so i don't blame her for being reluctant to do anything rash. |
This. More than anything I wish I had a support system. Unfortunately my mother who is financially well off has made it very clear she does not want me in her life, period. My father, well, he is a drunk, drug addicted redneck thief and pulled a gun on me back in February. Since he is mooching/living off my grandma in her basement I can not go back to my home if I am ever in trouble and live rent free to catch up (I was living there when I moved back from Chicago to save money for my move, but he stole a lot of stuff, was very terrifying and then, well, the gun came out and I flew the coup but I had to put down my entire savings for Boston to move into a place).
I wish I could go to a parent or trusted family member and ask them for a loan, but that simply will never be the case.
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Firstly, she stated clearly that she has a second job, so she would not be unemployed. Secondly, I agreed with Ted who clearly stated "The best route would be to look for employment elsewhere, as roughy as it is to say" so it should be clear enough I am not advocating simply walking out of the door into unemployment anyway. I would never advocate leaving a job without first finding another - the priority is finding another as quickly as possible Thirdly, she stated that she is never given more than 20 hours in what is a part-time position, so unless employment prospects in Kentucky are utterly abysmal she wouldn't have a great deal of difficulty in finding a replacement job.
To make it clear, my point is not to have a dig at Jori, it's more of an observation that when you're in a job where you're receiving utterly unreasonable treatment, you should get out as quickly as possible. Her case history of being treated like and unfairly fired probably stems from being overly tolerant of utterly ty treatment at the hands of employers. |
I don't have a second job. I had one, but as a temp the company decided they didn't need the temps they hired on for overflow of emails and calls. I desperately need one.
I completely agree with everything else you have said, though. I am extremely tolerate, I put up with a lot of because my only goal is to get to Boston as quickly as possible and I am willing to weather a storm for months if it means I make it.
| quote: | Originally posted by srussell0018
She also already said that she'd rather have a job lined up than to quit or get fired and be unemployed and have to take a job out of desperation. |
This is why I will continue to work there. Besides, who else will pay me $11 to stare out a window all day?
| quote: | Originally posted by sensorium
or provide link to yelp so more users can write bad reviews about the molestation place.
I agree with srusell0018, go to press, bother them and make them lose customers. they more than deserve it.
your actions can save or put another girl from a similar situation at the same place. think about it. |
Well, until he is charged it is hear-say. Granted I can see why the owner is so frantic to keep it quiet: the restaurant opened in May and we have had nothing but incredible, glowing, raving reviews from every news, social media, and word-of-mouth source.
BUT if you're curious, my boss describes the place as "a bar where intellectuals can socialize without judgement" (or something to that effect): Sidebar Louisville
| quote: | Originally posted by Vivid Boy
to your work environment it sounds like you guys were getting tight, he grew some feelings, finally made a move and you yelled sexual assault. He's probably making himself out as the victim. I wouldnt take down the restaurant for it, I would tell my side of the story and leave |
Not really. It isn't like we hung out on the regular. We'd chat sometimes at work (he was in the kitchen, I am up front so it is hard to have a conversation), I'd give him a ride home sometimes (5 minute ride) and watched his dog on a few occasions and spent a grand total of maybe two hours in his apartment since I started to watch his dog in May. I can't see how he would think we were tight.
| quote: | Originally posted by Dykes_on_Jay
I feel for ya sweetie.
Women need to realize though. If I guy talks to you, he wants to you.No exceptions. We aren't all rapey douches though. |
Sigh. Yeah. I suppose so. I hate to think that because I don't want to everyone I enjoy talking to. It is hard to put yourself in the mind and mentality of others.
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
Don't feel stupid.Being friends with a guy or helping them out here and there is not setting yourself up to be sexually assaulted. Because you are young and attractive others will resent you and some will try and take advantage of you. It sounds like Ted gave you some solid advice. If you want to make it more personal find this guy's ex/baby mumma's contact info and let her know what happened in his apartment while their daughter was in his custody. Also mention the police file # to let her know you're serious. She may not take it seriously or she may take it very seriously especially if she has a custody battle in progress... who knows? :gsmile: |
I do feel stupid, though. I don't know. I should have known better. I just have male friends of all ages and I didn't even think about it. It was moronic of me to go there and I am sure my boss probably thinks I was ing the guy or something. I kind of worry the staff judges me now. I just really liked his dog :/
Also, I have no info on the baby mama. ALSO when I was speaking to the lady at the front desk she said she had never seen him with a young girl/daughter before. Ever.
| quote: | Originally posted by srussell0018
If you're actually a good employee, and have others to back you up, with what you've said so far it seems like you'd have a solid wrongful termination suit. If not, I'd go straight to the press and that owner right in the ass. How many mothers/women do you think will be going to his restaurant if they know he's firing women for saying they were sexually assaulted by another coworker. |
He could easily say I haven't been a good employee, though. I did take a second job with only two day's notice (granted, I was only given two day's notice to start, and I have the emails to prove it, but he is pissed about it. He gets pissed in general whenever I mention getting a second job, saying "you deceived me when I hired you on; you told me you had full availability" yet he only gives me 15-20 hours a week.
He will say one thing, then change his mind and not inform me, then flip out. Or, of course if anything goes wrong with the seating it is my fault, but will bitch me out if I accommodate a guest's request for a larger table.
Then there was the time he sent out the weekly schedule and I had a whole day off. He had also given the other hostess that day off. I then get this nasty email about how he has given away the rest of my shifts to 'people who are more responsible' and I should take the time off to think about what I had done. After I screen-shot my day off, emailed him and apologized he didn't reply and still has yet to apologize.
It is too easy for him to say I am a bad employee.
| quote: | Originally posted by Ted Promo
I work for an ethics and compliance company. The best route would be to look for employment elsewhere, as roughy as it is to say. It is apparent that the culture there is not conducive to reprimanding those who commit unethical acts unless there is an unreasonable and exhaustive amount of evidence. Rather than attempting to change the culture of all the employees there it would be far easier (and probably healthier) for you to seek employment elsewhere. Provided your company has an ethics hotline, I would then file a report about the incident subsequent to your solidifying a position elsewhere. Chances are nothing will come of the report, but you will have something on record, and the employee in question will have more of an extensive record, making his employment less tenable. Unfortunately, your story is rather common. |
Wow, thanks!
I agree, I will need to find another place to work asap... but I worry, who is going to give me $11 to basically stand at a door for hours and do nothing? I'm trying my damndest (and seemingly failing) at saving money for moving to Boston.
I have no idea if there is an ethics hotline given the fact it is a locally owned restaurant. The investors are a group of guys in the construction business who love my boss' work and want him to head up more restaurants as soon as he can.
Yeah, I am starting to realize this is fairly common. You would think the boss wouldn't react this way out of fear of a lawsuit.
| quote: | Originally posted by Looney4Clooney
Go see a psychiatrist and ask for some medication to cope with the event which you describe in detail and have them put it on paper. Then start seing a therapist. |
That would require a lot of money, which I do not have. I have not really been able to sleep and keep getting pangs of panic, though, especially when I am trying to sleep or when I am at work (which pisses my boss off because it makes me distracted). I also just am not very hungry.
| quote: |
The cops don't like paper work. File the charges. At least they will have to arrest him and he will miss a shift. What ever you do , do not just become another victim that just gives it a pass because everyone tells you you have no case. You have a case. You have evidence, and you have a witness.
They aren't going to have a jury. He will have a public defender so rest assured his defence won't give a and you will have the DA. They will look at the facts, and his history and probably give him community service at the very least. |
I spoke to another detective today. He wants me to come downtown on Monday and speak t him. He thinks they may have a shot at a case.
| quote: | | And if you are going to get fired, mismanage your cashout on the biggest night of the week. That is something they can't actually prove or hold you responsible for. Your word against his. I put the thousand dollars in the drop box. I am pretty sure this place doesn't have a witness system so ya, there is your 1000 plus your severance pay for wrong ful termination. The news won't care. |
One: hell no. I could be sued out the ass for theft and it would end up on my record.
Two: I am a hostess, not a server. I don't deal with money. |
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| Sinusoid |
| I'm glad you stood up for yourself. your boss, you should on his desk when you find a new job. |
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| Ted Promo |
| quote: | Originally posted by Banora
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I mean, the assistant job seems nice. I don't know if I would be apt to try to fit my schedule into someone else's. You should craigslist some stuff, maybe call center jobs as well. If your restaurant is privately owned, the most that I would do is see if there was a viable way to report the incidents internally, the highest up the chain you can go (again, after you secure a job elsewhere). Just make sure you get a paper trail. But other than that, yeah, look around. Try front desk at a dentist/orthodontist/medical office (provided you're familiar with Office/coding/things like that). Customer service experience is rather malleable. Personally, I would try to find places where you can establish a 401k, have benefits, and primarily, given your situation, accountability. Definitely don't get a lawyer; that would be a waste of money. |
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| Spacey Orange |
| Don't listen to Ted Promo. He works for The Man. |
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| Ted Promo |
| Also, yeah, spam every rotten slit of their social media accounts. A ton. with them and their public image. Because it's just like trolling, and that 's fun to begin with. Just like "RAPERAPERAPERAPE" all their status updates and whatnot. |
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| Ted Promo |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spacey Orange
Don't listen to Ted Promo. He works for The Man. |
I also have a mystical, glowing vaginal cavity that reveals secrets at each quarter hour. |
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| Lagrangian |
Banora nobody gives a crumpet's ass what your degree is or what you went to school for unless you're entering a technical field. Seriously, education in America is a ing scam! You're gonna have to do a little bit of networking, if you're socially awkward the internet is the best place for this.
I don't blame you for hating everyone, we all have our things. Just be yourself, and you'll eventually find a job that fits you. Just hang in there. Listen, the economy is utter right now, the jobs being created are half-arsed waiter jobs and part-time baristas at the ing starbucks :p you're not alone in this pursuit.
just look for a simple steady stream of cash.
I know people that work here, give it a shot: http://www.surveymonkey.com
keep us posted
:thepirate |
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| Banora |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lagrangian
Banora nobody gives a crumpet's ass what your degree is or what you went to school for unless you're entering a technical field. Seriously, education in America is a ing scam! You're gonna have to do a little bit of networking, if you're socially awkward the internet is the best place for this.
I don't blame you for hating everyone, we all have our things. Just be yourself, and you'll eventually find a job that fits you. Just hang in there. Listen, the economy is utter right now, the jobs being created are half-arsed waiter jobs and part-time baristas at the ing starbucks :p you're not alone in this pursuit.
just look for a simple steady stream of cash.
I know people that work here, give it a shot: http://www.surveymonkey.com
keep us posted
:thepirate |
Interesting, I would have thought a site like that would be a scam or something.
I dunno, sometimes I feel like myself isn't very likable. There must be something wrong with me if I keep running into these issues; other people don't seem to have these issues. My boss told me I am a bit of a know-it-all because I am always prattling on about science and language and other stuff that people don't seem to care about but I think is really interesting. Maybe he's right.
If I keep to myself I am a bitch. If I try to be friendly I come off as awkward and weird (or in the famous TA case, a stalker). I don't know. Maybe I am a bad person. Even my boyfriend, who yeah will chat with me and checks in to make sure I am okay, seems slightly distant. I really hope I didn't anything up with him. Granted, I guess there isn't much he can say or do on the matter. I don't know.
| quote: | Originally posted by Ted Promo
Also, yeah, spam every rotten slit of their social media accounts. A ton. with them and their public image. Because it's just like trolling, and that 's fun to begin with. Just like "RAPERAPERAPERAPE" all their status updates and whatnot. |
Well, I still need this job until I find something else.
So it is 3am and every day I find myself becoming more anxious and upset. Sleep is getting harder to come by, I feel more sick and don't want to eat. I wonder why I am suddenly feeling so anxious days after the attack instead of immediately after? Even the prosecutor noted to me that I was unusually calm and collected considering what had happened. Now I just keep getting this anxious pangs and a million what-ifs and I can't sleep. Sigh. This is stupid. |
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| Joss Weatherby |
PTSD. You have it. You were essentially in shock, at least on some level, till now. You are finally able to sit back and actually let that part of your brain calm down and get out of fight/flight/posture mode and you are now emotionally processing the attack.
Get in therapy now and try and nip it in the bud.
Not joking. |
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| Banora |
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
PTSD. You have it.
Get in therapy now and try and nip it in the bud.
Not joking. |
Broke American with no insurance. I can't go into debt and end up living in a cardboard box so I can see a shrink. I think things will be better once I get a verdict on the case and switch jobs (every time my boss walked by me today I would get horrible pangs in my stomach and feel really anxious and nervous around him because I didn't want him to come over and bitch me out).
For now I just want some sleep. |
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| Spacey Orange |
| quote: | Originally posted by Banora
Interesting, I would have thought a site like that would be a scam or something.
I dunno, sometimes I feel like myself isn't very likable. There must be something wrong with me if I keep running into these issues; other people don't seem to have these issues. My boss told me I am a bit of a know-it-all because I am always prattling on about science and language and other stuff that people don't seem to care about but I think is really interesting. Maybe he's right.
If I keep to myself I am a bitch. If I try to be friendly I come off as awkward and weird (or in the famous TA case, a stalker). I don't know. Maybe I am a bad person. Even my boyfriend, who yeah will chat with me and checks in to make sure I am okay, seems slightly distant. I really hope I didn't anything up with him. Granted, I guess there isn't much he can say or do on the matter. I don't know.
Well, I still need this job until I find something else.
So it is 3am and every day I find myself becoming more anxious and upset. Sleep is getting harder to come by, I feel more sick and don't want to eat. I wonder why I am suddenly feeling so anxious days after the attack instead of immediately after? Even the prosecutor noted to me that I was unusually calm and collected considering what had happened. Now I just keep getting this anxious pangs and a million what-ifs and I can't sleep. Sigh. This is stupid. |
It is normal what you are feeling. Someone i know was nearly kidnapped a year ago or so. Basically, she was walking alone, in broad daylight, when some guy tried to push her into his car. She fought him off. But she suffered similar things you are describing. After my prodding, she finally went to see a therapist who helped her. You should consider doing the same. There are nonprofits out there that may be able to help you on a free or sliding scale basis. Its something to consider. |
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| Lagrangian |
Banora get some pepper spray.
it's not your fault, ok. |
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