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Sex yet still just friends - possible? (pg. 5)
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| anuneventrade |
Doesn't work. Its too complicated. If you're friends, keep it that way. If you start the whole "lets ", it only brings arguments and mixed feelings in the end, because of the fact that when you're sleeping with soley one person for a period of time, that means that there has to be some sort of feelings involved, (You can't just sleep with someone that you think is fugly, i.e.) and thats just provoking a huge problem.
No matter what, it just causes problems. I've seen a alot of friendships meet a catostrophic end because of sex, including one of my own. Unless you're willing to commit, don't do it. Its too difficult!
It might be understandable if one of you were able to do it with no feelings and cut it off without a problem, but for both of you, its too rare! |
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| sykadelik |
| quote: | Originally posted by swisstoni
LMFAO! nicely put sy. |
Ur next ;) :p :D |
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| DigiNut |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sand Leaper
This is where the entire crux of the matter lies. The reason you say this is because you think that sex is something profound and with great significance, and thus you think that the act of sex between two individuals always makes their relationship more than "friends". As I already stated however, the significance of sex varies extremely from one person to another, and that is why many people can still stay friends even after sex. Just look at this thread. |
No, I think sex is a penis inside a vagina.
Although I suppose there is some room for interpretation, like whether or not it counts if the penis is soft or an orifice is used which generally is not associated with sex (for example, an ear, or an armpit).
"Friendship" is the deep and profound topic - the significance and meaning of it varies from one person to the next. How you define friendship will in turn define the possibility of "friends with benefits."
| quote: | | That's a very harsh generalization, and altho probably true in many cases, this thread has proven that there are indeed exceptions... |
...or at least, people who think they are exceptions. ;) |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
No, I think sex is a penis inside a vagina.
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So if that's all it is, then why should it always invoke so many emotions and all the complications that come with it? Why would the simple situation of a penis inside a vagina jeopardize a friendship?
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...or at least, people who think they are exceptions. ;) |
Yeah, but you're smart enuff to know that they aren't, right? :rolleyes: |
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| DigiNut |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sand Leaper
So if that's all it is, then why should it always invoke so many emotions and all the complications that come with it? |
Do you ever get mad when you get a paper cut?
Do you ever laugh when someone on TV slips on a banana peel and falls flat on their face?
Far be it from me to explain the basis for human emotion, but it's there, and in most cases it's automatic.
| quote: | | Yeah, and you of course know that they aren't, right? :rolleyes: |
No, I just think that they're redefining the term "friends" to suit their purposes (i.e. will do until I get a girlfriend/boyfriend).
For once I think Mec actually put it best - they're basically just being each other's hoes. |
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| astroboy |
| I think relationships are subjective... Each person constructs his own definition of love friendship etc.. Personally for me a girlfriend is much more than just a female friend who I screw every once in a while. The basis of the relationship is different, the dynammics are different. |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
Do you ever get mad when you get a paper cut?
Do you ever laugh when someone on TV slips on a banana peel and falls flat on their face?
Far be it from me to explain the basis for human emotion, but it's there, and in most cases it's automatic.
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I don't associate a paper cut to be something of higher importance, a ritual reserved for a couple, that it is an action that has very big implications for the two people who do it etc. People do that with sex, which is what complicates the issue in the first place. Hence, it has to be more to sex than a penis in a vagina, and those things are what vary from person to person.
| quote: | | No, I just think that they're redefining the term "friends" to suit their purposes (i.e. will do until I get a girlfriend/boyfriend). |
That may be true. But does that make them any less "friends" than before they did it? |
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| DigiNut |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sand Leaper
I don't associate a paper cut to be something of higher importance, a ritual reserved for a couple, that it is an action that has very big implications for the two people who do it etc. People do that with sex, which is what complicates the issue in the first place. Hence, it has to be more to sex than a penis in a vagina, and those things are what vary from person to person. |
I think you've pretty much ignored my argument here. Sex is the physical act. Nothing more. I'm not placing any inherent significance on sex (not for the sake of this argument, anyway). It may produce after-effects in the form of emotions, but that is not part of the act.
You tell me, which has a more "subjective" meaning: playing "hide the salami" with an attractive chick, or the word "friends?"
I think this whole subject comes up because we've heard the word "friend" since we were a year old and it's supposed to be some ingrained part of our psyche, whereas sex isn't something we're too familiar with until 10 or 15 years later.
My point is and has been that "friend" is the subjective term here, not "sex." If you study the etymology of the word friend, you will see that it once held the same meaning as lover. One might say that a girlfriend is still a friend, just a very different kind of friend.
Personally, I think friend with benefits is synonymous with girlfriend/boyfriend, the only difference being that the term doesn't imply any gender. You may want to use the word friend in a context that implies a relationship lacking emotion or commitment, but I can assure you that you won't find any of this in the dictionary. The version of friend you're using in this thread is basically a bastardized version of acquaintance, and in this case I'd have to say that you're pressing the bounds of its definition when you try to throw sex into the equation.
To summarize:
It's all just a bunch of wordplay. You seem very unwilling to admit that the question you're really asking is whether or not it's morally right to someone on the basis of whenever it's convenient for you and you don't have anyone else. Frankly, I don't care about that, I'm not here to discuss morals - I just think that the term friends with benefits is a whole lot of rubbish. |
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| electric_soul |
| possible and fun. |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
To summarize:
It's all just a bunch of wordplay. You seem very unwilling to admit that the question you're really asking is whether or not it's morally right to someone on the basis of whenever it's convenient for you and you don't have anyone else. Frankly, I don't care about that, I'm not here to discuss morals - I just think that the term friends with benefits is a whole lot of rubbish. |
What I'm asking is if it is possible to have a sexual affair with someone, yet without actually being or getting involved in a proper relationship. Granted, I should probably have left the term "friend" out if it, since it is certainly debatable how much of a "friend" you are to that person after having sex with that person, and the fact that the term "friend" is very relative. |
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| TranceGeek |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sand Leaper
What I'm asking is if it is possible to have a sexual affair with someone, yet without actually being or getting involved in a proper relationship. Granted, I should probably have left the term "friend" out if it, since it is certainly debatable how much of a "friend" you are to that person after having sex with that person, and the term "friend" is very relative. |
haven't you ever heard of " buddies"?
besides, haven't any of you ever had a relationship based strictly on sex, without any emotional involvment or any other strings attached? if not, you're missing out... |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by Echo of Silence
I think SandLeaper, you answered your own question. Yes its possible but there does exist a risk...the risk of one person falling in love and wanting more. So it could work or it could destroy a great friendship. Depends on the people, the mindsets, etc.
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Yeah, that's what my view on it as well, but I just wanted to hear some views and experiences on the matter, to confirm or negate the views I had on it already. But this pretty much confirmed my perception of it. Still, interesting to read all of this :) |
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