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If you started dating someone, would you care about their past? (pg. 5)
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| LiquidX |
| Yeeeeess.. Atleast KNOW it.. not be blindfolded and be as if there was never a past. |
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| Mr. Pink |
| quote: | Originally posted by spec
Sounds like you are a nerd! |
Im definitely a nerd.......
a nerd with a hot gf ;)
lol |
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| Massive84 |
so how do you find out about someone's past, the correct one...
ya a girl or a guy can say, i am an angel, but maybe she/he isn't?
all say yes i want to find out, but how? |
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| Swamper |
| quote: | Originally posted by torontotrance
I care about people's pasts because some people carry their past around and it becomes excess baggage that bogs people down and I'd like to help them deal with the crap anyway I can but they do have to want to get rid of it. |
Mr bitter man should tend to his own baggage first :D |
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| MOSCHINO |
Past is past. We all have ed up past and making it a point in dating someone is worthless effort that will do nothing but drain your energy. Never dig up the past. It much better if you leave it alone. How many of you were raised by a single parent? How many of you had problems in the family, regardless of what it was? Many and for some people it’s an issue too. So, leave it alone. It doesn’t matter what you did in your past. What matters is what you do now. People create all this pointless tension, dwelling on something that’s gone and none of you can change it. The issue starts inside of an individual. If you believe you can’t live with something that is YOUR personal issue, not someone else’s. Learn how to deal with you first, before you decide deal or not with issues around you. None of us is perfect in anyway, more imperfect. Think about it. Being a hypocrite is fine but it doesn’t work in the long run. Keep your mouth shut when it needs to be and live your life today, not yesterday.
To answer question…yes or no…well, as long as I don’t know it, it can’t hurt me, so I know I’d rather not to know “past”. I feel much better live in “right now”. |
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| GelatinPufF |
| Depends on what kinf of past. Drug abuse/Drug dealing/having had lots of sexual partners etc etc is fine with me as long as you havn't killed anyone(I mean on purpose of course). |
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| saiyAn |
For me its more important what they learned from their past experiences,rather than the experiences themselves.
I don't go into relationships with a set of rules though,i take things as they come and let life be,if my instincts tell me i should care about her past,i will. |
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| torontotrance |
| quote: | Originally posted by Swamper
Mr bitter man should tend to his own baggage first :D |
I've never said this to you del but do yourself a favor, sort your own problems out before you tell me to fix mine. I've actually called people from High School, almost 5 yrs later and said I forgive you for what you did. We all carry baggage and the reason why I want to help my friends get rid of theirs is because I carried mine around for far too long. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by kr00t0n
I've seen a few typical cases of 'if she's been with alot of men, she's a slut', which I think is so stupid, as if a guy has had loads of sexual partners he gets regarded a hero :rolleyes:
Why shouldnt women be allowed as free a sexuality as men?
It's the silly old notion that women should be chaste, and not 'give in' to sex as easily as men.
Why not?
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Sincerely, despite of gender, I can't see that "loads of sexual partners" phenomenom as something positive because of the following factors:
a) Sex can lead to pregnancy, diseases and a stronger bond/feeling/intimacy. Sexual misconduct may be the cause of undesired pregnancies (nothing in the world is perfect, and this includes condoms), which has as consequence the beginning of a new life. Abortion is not a mother's choice, as it's technically the murder of the child, who is not responsible by the parents' act. The most sensible thing to do would be giving the child to adoption, although even in this situation the child may have problems, which are not her/his fault.
As for diseases, it can happen - if you're cautious, chances are it'll be more difficul for you to get a disease, but even in this scenario you're not 100% safe. If you keep having sex with different partners, not only you'll get infected but you'll be co-responsible (even if uncounsciusly) by someone else's infection.
Finally, sex is a moment of great intimacy, no matter how lustful and kinky it is. Countless times I've seen how painful sex misconduct can be to others (and often to the own person). All people who engage in a sex act that is not related to a relationship must avoid any sort of clinging/bond, which is hard to do but that can happen (specially if it happens to be one of the reasons from the following paragraph). However, if there's no bond, I can't see why doing it anyway, as it'll just be an animal thing.
b) As for the lack of bond, having sex just for pleasure's sake may be a way to avoid feelings, mainly because of insecurity (as in the fear of getting hurt), immaturity/thoughtlessness (as in not being aware of how painful/meaningful it can be to the other person involved) or selfishness (not being able to create bonds, amongst other things). It's a way for needy/lonely people to feel loved/cared not having to deal with all the relationship issues - either for emotional, physical or other reaons.
c) As for the "natural necessity of having sex", because sex is indeed natural, self-discovery and masturbation seem to be better solutions. You, better than anyone else knows what you feel - what you find pleasant and what you dislike. Exploring your own body is really important, and does release sexual tension. If you're depeding on outter sources (such as another person) to give you pleasure, this might be a sign of not being able to be in touch with yourself. Humans no longer do things just because "they feel like having it". As we live in a community, we go to restrooms whenever we need to pee or poop, amongst other stuff. The same discipline is needed for sex.
This is all valid both for men and women.
Many people, against the puritanism of some religions decide to go to the other extreme, which causes even more problems. If anyone could give me another point of view, I'd gladly debate, as I think this is a very interesting topic :)
ps.: Oh, by the way, I don't think amount of sex is related to faithfulness, as it's not a mathematical thing, as people are changing every minute. |
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| trancebrat |
| Yes to a degree. I am not talking about sexual past. I’m no angel so I would have to be full of myself to want my man to be one. I am more concerned about what kind of person I am dating. How different my life would have been if I would have only known that the in idiot that I was dating and eventually living with had been to prison for money laundering and embezzlement. In the beginning things were fine, but then he turned evil. Obviously he was always evil…I was either just blind or stupid. He stole from me and from friends of ours. He is a horrible excuse for a human being. I’m so glad that he showed his colors when he did. Of course I wish I would have known sooner, but what’s done is done. So would I want to know someone’s past? Yes…there are some things you just need to know. |
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| Nite-Mer |
| Depends on the context. I don't think a girls sexual past would bother me, as long as it isn't something ridiculous, like prostitute or porn star. I think I prefer the don't ask don't tell on that one. If a girl has been around, it's cool, but I probably don't want to hear all about it. Sometimes being left in the dark is better. |
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| malek |
| quote: | Originally posted by spec
Yeah, but would you hold this against a person?
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absolutely, a person's past is an indication of his/her future... |
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