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Know any good Jokes? (pg. 4)
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| tranceaholic |
| a guy is sooo cheap that when his house caught on fire he text messaged 9-1-1 :haha: :haha: |
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| fuct4less |
A rare female gorilla is brought to the zoo. She quickly becomes agitated after a few days. The zookeeper realizes she's in heat, but there are no male gorillas available. He approaches the redneck janitor and asks, "Would you have sex with this gorilla for 500 dollars?"
The redneck says, "On three conditions. One, I don't want to have to kiss her. Two, don't tell anyone about this."
The zookeeper asks about the third condition.
The redneck janitor says, "Well it'll take me about a week to come up with the 500 dollars."
There was this young boy who'd go to lie with his parents every night whenever he had a nightmare or whenever there was a thunder storm. His father had to go away on a business trip. "While I'm gone, I want you to stop waking up Mum every time you have a bad dream. You're a big boy now!"
A few days later, they pick him up at the airport. The boy loudly yells "Daddy, Daddy, Nobody slept with Mom while you were gone!" |
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| Polak |
At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.
"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?''
''Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with.''
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Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."
So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.
So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.
''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy.
''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge.
''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''
''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''
''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.
''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...''
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This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer.
The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed.
“But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.
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A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
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| D-res |
A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy."
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back."
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in.
She starts to giggle and says, "Have you decided on the appropriate size?"
"Screw the condoms! Just give me 3 yards of that fence!"
Two gay guys were in the shower together when one looked down and saw a puddle of white liquid.
He said to the other man What did I tell you about farting in the shower? |
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| TweeK |
| quote: | Originally posted by Polak
At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.
"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?''
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good one:haha: |
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| Azz3D |
A boy walks into his parents' bedroom and sees his dad having sex with the maid. The boy then goes and tells his mother, who at the time had guests. In order to embarass the dad, she tells the boy to " go ahead and tell everyone here what you saw!"
The boy then proceeds to say "hey people, I just saw my dad put that thing into maid's hole... uhhh hey mom what's the name of that thing which the postman puts in your mouth every day?" |
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| Azz3D |
A man grabbed a gun, went into the middle of the road, stopped the first driver he saw and told him to get out of the car.
Man: Get out of the car and start masturbating!
Driver: But why????
Man: now!! or I'll shoot!!
Man: are you done??
Driver: yes
Man: now do it again!!!
Driver: but I just di...
Man: now I said damn it, or I'll blow your freakin brains out
5 min pass...
Man: are you done this time!!??
Driver: yes I am please don't shoot me, I've got a wife and 2 kids please...
Man: now jerk off again damn you!!!
Driver: I can't for the love of god, I can't do it anymore, I am spent...shoot me if you must... but please don't make me jerk off again
The gunman then happily said to his wife, who was watching all this nearby, "Lucy, come over here this guy will drive you to the airport!!!" |
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| BLuEOcEaN420 |
say it outloud to get the full effect...
Q: What did 50cent say when he saw his grandma knitting?
A: "Gee, you knit!!!"
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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| Clovis86 |
| quote: | Originally posted by BLuEOcEaN420
say it outloud to get the full effect...
Q: What did 50cent say when he saw his grandma knitting?
A: "Gee, you knit!!!"
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
That was so lame I laughed my ass off... :haha: :haha: :stongue: |
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| Lil-H |
A Negro is something (someone) which isn't white
Q: What's a crying shame?
A: When a bus full of negros drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.
Q: Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
A: A pizza in the oven doesn't scream
Q: Why do jews have so large noses?
A: Because air is free
Q: What do a negro and an apple have in common?
A: hey both look good hanging from a tree. |
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