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Know any good Jokes? (pg. 5)
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| Jackson |
| Racist jokes Suck! Especially those about the Holocaust! Hey while your at it why dont you tell me some jokes about those 200 kids killed in Russia by the terrorists! I'd find that hillarious :mad: |
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| joshyd |
wats green and has wheels?
a frog, i lied about the wheels
:haha: |
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| Lil-H |
| sorry, I dont' know any - yet :eyes: |
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| subuddha |
these have been posted before i think, but they are still funny.
3 people, a pollock, a chink, and a jap, are working on building an appartment building when the luch bell rings, the first guy,the chink, opens his lunch pail and he has chinese food, "Man do I ever hate chinese food" he says "If I get chinese food once more I'm gonna jump off the roof of this building" The second guy, the japanese guy, opens his lunch pail and he gets suishi, "Man do I ever hate suishi, if I ever get this for lunch again I'm gonna jump off the building with you" The Pollock opens his lunch pail and he gets peanut butter and jelly. "Man do I ever hate peanut butter and jelly, if I get this again I'm jumping off with you guys."
The next day the chinese guy opens his lunch pail, chinese food, he jumps off the building. The second gut opens his lunch pail, suishi, he jumps off. The pollock opens his and he gets peanut butter and jelly, and so he too jumps off.
They are all in the same funeral home and the wives are crying together, the first wife of the chinese guy says "If i had have known he didn't like chinese food I would've made him anything else all he had to do was ask" The japanese guys wife says" If i had've known he didn't like suishi I'd have given him anything else he just had to ask. The pollock's wife says "I don't understand, he always made his own lunch"
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A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door.
Her husband also comes home early, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "25 dollars."
Man: "Fine".
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
In the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball mitt."
Remembering the last time, he asks, "how much?"
Boy: "75 dollars."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
Father: "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "100 dollars."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, 100 dollars is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The Priest says, "Don't start that again!"
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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing
on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop!
Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of
the
Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you
Reformed
Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of
1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
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Three guys had recently died and were awaiting entrance into Heaven. But St. Peter appeared and informed them
that, unfortunately, Heaven was only allowing 33% of applicants in today, due to overpopulation.
So, only 1 of the 3 would be allowed in. Whomever died the worst death out of the three would be let in.
St. Peter took the first man aside in private, and let him tell his story:
"'For months I had been suspecting that my wife had been cheating on me. So, one day, I decided to leave home
from work early and try to catch her in the act. But when I arrived home, she was in the shower. Suspicious, I
searched the house for anybody. And then I found him: He was hanging off my 25th floor balcony hoping I wouldn't
see him! Fortunately, there was a hammer nearby and I bashed his fingers. He fell, but--the lucky bastard--he didn't die!
Outraged, I grabbed my refrigerator and chucked it down on him. It killed him instantly. But then I felt so bad about
it, I took a gun and killed myself."
St. Peter thought this was certainly a decent death, and took the second guy aside to hear his story:
"O.K. I live on the 27th floor of my apartment building, and I was out on my balcony getting some fresh air.
I yawned and took in a big stretch, and I lost my balance! I fell over the balcony, but--I was
so lucky--I managed to grab another room's balcony a couple of stories down. But then, for some reason, this
guy came out and bashed my hands with a hammer. I guess he was mad I was hanging off
his deck. Anyway, I fell about 25 stories down, but luckier still, I wasn't dead. But as I looked up, I saw
that a refrigerator was on its way down to bash me. That's how I died."
St. Peter thought this death was quite tragic, but still took the third guy aside to hear his story. The third guy started:
"Picture this. I'm hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."
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| UglyDave |
i cant believe the racist jokes are still in this thread.
shockin!
fair enough, take the piss outa americans, canadians, english, but less of the offencive stuff |
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| Floorfiller |
| yeah i'm kinda shocked there have been as many as there are too. :wtf: |
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| fitom tiel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lil-H
A Negro is something (someone) which isn't white
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that's cute |
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| Tranc3 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Azz3D
A man grabbed a gun, went into the middle of the road, stopped the first driver he saw and told him to get out of the car.
Man: Get out of the car and start masturbating!
Driver: But why????
Man: now!! or I'll shoot!!
Man: are you done??
Driver: yes
Man: now do it again!!!
Driver: but I just di...
Man: now I said damn it, or I'll blow your freakin brains out
5 min pass...
Man: are you done this time!!??
Driver: yes I am please don't shoot me, I've got a wife and 2 kids please...
Man: now jerk off again damn you!!!
Driver: I can't for the love of god, I can't do it anymore, I am spent...shoot me if you must... but please don't make me jerk off again
The gunman then happily said to his wife, who was watching all this nearby, "Lucy, come over here this guy will drive you to the airport!!!" |
:conf: What's with the airport? |
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| Streakfury |
| quote: | Originally posted by UglyDave
i cant believe the racist jokes are still in this thread.
shockin!
fair enough, take the piss outa americans, canadians, english, but less of the offencive stuff |
You'll notice that when people do make jokes about Americans, Canadians or English, we all take it with a pinch of salt and laugh it off. Yet any jokes about Jews or black people seem to offend everyone.
:conf: |
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| tribu |
1. Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
2. How do you make a dead baby float?
1. You cant unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork
2. A dead baby, two scoops of Icce cream and some root beer.
haha dead baby jokes own |
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| Azz3D |
| quote: | Originally posted by Tranc3
:conf: What's with the airport? |
you obviously don't get the joke ;) |
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