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Am I unreasonably jealous? (pg. 6)
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by Frenchie
Friends aren't just friends? :stongue:
I hang out with guys 1 on 1 who have girlfriends and are in a fantastic relationship. I don't understand and probably never will how you can't think a friend can be "just a friend". You pretty much just said it was offensive that making friends with the opposite sex by saying she's not allowed to hang out with them 1 on 1 or when she wants to. What's the point of a friend if you can't hang out? Yeah, I agree that it's not appropriate to hang out constantly but to hang out when she wants to should be fine. Immature people hang out with the opposite sex with hopes that they'll get some. Grown folk can hang out as mature adults and have a mature conversation knowing that that will be the extent of it. It's not that hard to comprehend or to do. You're probably only looking at it from a male point of view so it's understandable you think friends can't be friends because the guy probably expects something. It's not that she isn't mature enough for a relationship..she just wants to hang out with a guy buddy. Yes, some guys just want to be buddies, yet again..not that hard to grasp. |
No, I don't believe friends are always "just friends". That is such a black and white statement when relationship dynamics between males and females are so complex. Mature relationships have defined boundaries... that's just a fact. Naturally, the extent of those boundaries depends on the behavior of the people in the relationship, but generally speaking, you can't expect those 2 people who share serious feelings to just be cool about the other hanging out with whomever, whenever they want. You're telling me that you hang out with guys 1 on 1 who are in fantastic relationships... but do you know what their significant other is saying about the situation behind closed doors when you aren't around? No... for all you know she might not like it, but loves her boyfriend and doesn't want him to get upset. And, for all you know, he might take advantage of that and be looking for a window of opportunity with you. Yes, grown folk in committed relationshps can hang out as mature adults with members of the opposite sex and often do. I'm just saying out of respect for your significant other, both males and females should have that conversation with each other before hand and not just assume the other is cool with it. Circumstance matters too... Kermit is talking about his girlfriend going to concerts and to see movies with single guys she hasn't known very long. That's just not right.
My point is this- we don't know, in Kermit's case, if his lady just wants to simply be buddies with those guys. But that's irrelevant because SHE should be aware (if she already isn't) that those guys can be counted on to have more than friendship intentions if given the opportunity... and that's not just a 50/50 guess; that's how guys are. If she IS aware to the motives of said single guys, understands Kermit's aware as well, and doesn't give a ... what does that say about her?
I'm not advocating that he keeps her in a cage or anything... they obviously need to communicate on this issue. But any girl over the age of 16 should start to figure out that most guys they meet are going to want to them, and have different expectations/desires regarding "friendships" than they might. Even if the girl has no intention of straying, she should expect alterior motives from any single guy they meet and start to spend time with, and should have the respect towards their boyfriend to have the discussion about whatever new guy friend they want to hang out with solo... that's where the maturity is IMO. They need to communicate on the issue. |
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| smellyblack |
[QUOTE]Originally posted by The17sss
wouldn't kermit's problem be more that he is with someone he does not trust vs actually finding someone he does?
just saying.:p |
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by smellyblack
17 you are so defensive of your woman lol.
in the long run that always blows up imo. If people are going to you over , they will you over no matter what you do. I "let" my gf do whatever she wants, because in the long run if she turns out to be deceptive you just move on and try to find someone who isn't. |
lol... dude, I'm not even speaking about this issue in reference to my woman. She has complete freedom to do whatever she wants, and go wherever she wants... and does. I just don't have to worry about it in the way that Kermit does because she is almost overly conscious of her actions and always wants to make sure I'm ok with whatever, without me having to ask. I didn't make her that way, she's just always been like that.
I've had it the other way too with girlfriends in the past, the same way Kermit is talking about and it's maddening when you know how guys are and the girl just doesn't get it. |
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| DJ Damerchi |
| I dont get it 17sss, how does this relate to Obama?:p |
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by smellyblack
[QUOTE]Originally posted by The17sss
wouldn't kermit's problem be more that he is with someone he does not trust vs actually finding someone he does?
just saying.:p |
Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. He just needs to sit her down and get all of this off his chest to her in person and see how she reacts. |
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ Damerchi
I dont get it 17sss, how does this relate to Obama?:p |
believe me, I can find a link if I look hard enough. :tongue3 |
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| smellyblack |
I have made the mistake before of trying to change people. The older you get, the more you realize that it is ridiculous to stay with someone because they are there, and for reasons solely relating to sexual attraction.
Kermit is settling here, and settling for anything that is less than what you want is just a monumental waste of time. |
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by smellyblack
I have made the mistake before of trying to change people. The older you get, the more you realize that it is ridiculous to stay with someone because they are there, and for reasons solely relating to sexual attraction.
Kermit is settling here, and settling for anything that is less than you want is just a waste of time. |
Been down that path too man. I was really head over heels for the girl too, which made it that much harder to walk away from. I kept telling myself, if I just weather the storm for a year or so, she'll grow out of this phase and it will be all good. Ha! Man was I in denial. |
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| smellyblack |
| denial and youth are usually co related. That is why it is called learning from your mistakes. |
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| Zoso |
| Well, this thread went right to hell when people actually started having serious conversations and sharing advice. |
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| Renzo |
| quote: | Originally posted by lücid
girls and guys can truly only be friends when they are either a) both happily taken or b) if there is no physical attraction. |
Not even, Myra. Physical attraction is only a factor early in the relationship. After that, an emotional attachment occurs and the friendship is ed. |
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| samochod |
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Money on Akridot trolling for effect again. |
Como No! Pretty obvious don't you think? That's why I didn't waste my time with a serious response. |
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