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Feeling guilty
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Slylee
i'll try to keep this short.

basically my bf has this "friend" who is more like a business partner and the guy is a pompass . just has an air about him when he walks in the room like he's better than everyone and i've heard countless stories from my bf and our roommate about how he is difficult to work with and he is the type of guy where it's his way or the highway.

anyway i can't stand this guy and always bitched about having to hang out with him, etc... and now it has finally come to the point where my bf is slowly weening himself out of the friendship/business partnership and i guess i feel sort of guilty...like i broke up the friendship. but i only feel guilty because i can tell it's a struggle for my bf. i think my bf has always looked up to this guy but i am the one who sort of bursted his bubble and made him realize that this guy isn't anyone to be looked up to and that he's a dick who looks down on people and doesn't have respect for my bf.

also, this is potential money my bf is going to lose too because they get a lot of business from each other but i can't stand the thought of my boyfriend working another job with that in dick and always feeling inferior to someone who is an .

i guess i never thought i'd see the day where my bf actually said, "you're right, he's an i dont like him any more" and now i'm like "oops". did i go too far? they've known each other for like 7 or 8 years.
bas
Stop breaking up the band, Yoko!
Slylee
:stongue:
WittyHandle
I'd say take a look at what you really want out of this. At first you wanted this douche out of your life (and your bf's), but at the end you sound like you're questioning if you did the right thing. It kind of sounds like you've set yourself up for a lose/lose situation. I understand you may have some guilt over it, that's natural, but I guess my only advice would be to choose one perspective on the situation and hold to it. Otherwise, you set yourself up for unhappiness either way. Hope it works out ok for you.


quote:
Originally posted by bas
Stop breaking up the band, Yoko!


:haha:
david.michael
If you feel that both of your lives will be better without him in it, then you have nothing to feel guilty of.

If your boyfriend truly feels that his life is enhanced without the d-bag bringing him down, you have done him a favor for bringing it to light.

You should only feel guilty if you feel you are "forcing" him (gently) to dislike the person based on your own personal annoyance of him. Is that the case?
Slylee
it really just boils down to the fact that i refuse to see my boyfriend play the bitch role in any type of friendship/partnership. i have too much respect for him and he is way too nice and fair to everyone. i dont like to see his kindness and fairness taken advantage of, and that's what this guy does.
david.michael
quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
it really just boils down to the fact that i refuse to see my boyfriend play the bitch role in any type of friendship/partnership. i have too much respect for him and he is way too nice and fair to everyone. i dont like to see his kindness and fairness taken advantage of, and that's what this guy does.


...and now you feel like you've made him play the bitch role anyway? :)
Lira
Maybe he just needed someone to tell him that there's a way out of this friendship. My fiancée did complain about a friend or another, and I'd always listen to her: if I thought she was right, I'd take it into consideration. However, if I thought she was mistaken, and it reflected something she should work on, I'd help her out, and I'd keep hanging around my friend.

For example, she used to complain sometimes that she didn't like to hang around a friend of mine that is too nerdy, so to speak. Well, there's nothing I could do, but try to fit her in the conversation. And it worked. However, another friend of mine started trying to convert me to Christianity and, after having a talk with my fiancée, we both realised he was not respecting me, and I should work that out.
Slylee
quote:
Originally posted by david.michael
If you feel that both of your lives will be better without him in it, then you have nothing to feel guilty of.

If your boyfriend truly feels that his life is enhanced without the d-bag bringing him down, you have done him a favor for bringing it to light.

You should only feel guilty if you feel you are "forcing" him (gently) to dislike the person based on your own personal annoyance of him. Is that the case?



no i dont think i was too forceful or had my own agenda at all. i was just calling it like i see it.

my bf and our roommate (also works w/ the ) have talked about ditching this guy many times and then never went through with it because the would come back with a 10k job and hire my bf and roommate so it was money and they just kept sweeping the issues under the rug for money.
david.michael
quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
no i dont think i was too forceful or had my own agenda at all..


I didn't mean to imply that you had an agenda. But when you have a guy who is easily taken advantage of due to his kindness/fairness... the influence of someone you are close to or love is quite strong, even without intent. I say this because, at heart, I am this guy. My girlfriend is an absolutely wonderful and understanding person who would never think of pushing her agenda on me as far as not seeing people she doesn't like... but when I know she doesn't, I definitely find myself starting to see it the way she does. I just can't help it. I was just wondering if that's what you thought might be happening.

couch-potato
lol, money vs. dignity
Slylee
and i would also like to add that this has a really sweet girlfriend of 3+ years that he almost lost recently because she was fed up with him and she moved out and everything and went to canada for a month and this guy was flipping out. he would be nothing without her. their house and their lexus and jetski are ALL in her name and it was so funny to see this guy like almost falling apart and begging her to go back to him.


she went back to him because my boyfriend took her out for lunch and had a really long talk with her about how much loves her and that he really wants to change, etc... she listens to my boyfriend and basically they are back together because of my bf.

u think ever gave him a ing thank you? nope. he's right back to parading around like he's the and he's better than everyone, etc...
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