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A friend of mine has just been murdered... (pg. 7)
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| WittyHandle |
| quote: | Originally posted by Rose
I don't understand why things like this always happen to good people. |
I don't think it happens to good people any more than bad ones. It just makes a stronger impression on us when it happens to good people and some factor that into their perception that the world persecutes the good, which I do not believe to be true. |
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| EddieZilker |
I think you, among some other people here, know my mother was shot and killed during a deposition she was taking while representing her killer's wife against him. *There's something about these particular types of death which has the capacity to create something of a deeper wound in its survivors. Perhaps you might not take consolation in that; that I'm letting you in on a tragic fact but you probably ought to know that, regardless.
In the immediate aftermath, however, what I can recommend is probably what you're already doing. I suspect you're commiserating with mutual friends. You may have lit candles in solidarity with them. Regardless, and whatever the case, the next few days you're in for a roller-coaster ride of emotions and thoughts.
It can range from a lonesome numbness to a phantasmagoric cacophony. You may wake up, in the morning, feeling fine - cognizant of what had happened - but still feeling like you're doing better but realize, as the day progresses, that some psychological denial of the tragedy's impact has had an influence you didn't ask for. You could feel guilty one day when you encounter that realization that time is marching on and that so are you. You could find yourself numb for a day or longer and wonder how it is that you are so emotionless about it.
These are all things which happened to me, but you are you and the only commonality we might share will be in the tragic passing of someone who died in ways which were completely avoidable and unnecessary. You're a good person, Marcus, and one of the better people I've read, here. I genuinely feel badly that you've been tapped into my club. It brings me no pleasure to welcome you into the fold.
I won't tell you that it gets any easier. I just got better at dealing with it. I've got nearly twenty years of dealing with it - eight of them sober - and I still have my moments with it. My PM box is always open.
*Any untimely death is ultimately tragic and even the ones we have time to say good-bye for have their own impact. I am not saying this to diminish anyone else's pain but having lost a few people in my life-time, I'll say that murders and suicides have another dimension to them which deserve their own special understanding. |
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| chlola |
| :( :( :( What became of the *sshole who killed your mother? |
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| EddieZilker |
| quote: | Originally posted by chlola
:( :( :( What became of the *sshole who killed your mother? |
He killed himself. |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| quote: | Originally posted by EddieZilker
I think you, among some other people here, know my mother was shot and killed during a deposition she was taking while representing her killer's wife against him. |
Jesus dude :( |
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| EddieZilker |
| Thanks, guys. I've got to go to bed. Take care. I might not have as much time as I'd like to watch this thread, in the next day or so, but I will make a point of checking in on it. |
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| Theresa |
Wow... that's pretty crazy. I am sorry that it has happened so close to home. I hope their family's are ok, especially her mother. I can't imagine how traumatizing that would be.
Anyway, hit me up on facebook if you want to chat!
(((((HUGS))))) |
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| Teezdalien |
| Sorry to hear about this Marcus. Really tragic. :( |
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| Lira |
You know, in the end of all this, I just came to the conclusion that I'm a lousy mourner. Either that, or an outright prick (albeit a good-intentioned one).
A few hours after I received the news and still stunned, as I said before, I went to see a friend. I put up with his religious spiel because I needed someone to talk to, and he was there for me. Then once I told him how I felt, he looked shocked at me and said it had never occurred to him how selfish I am (apparently, because I focused all my astonishment on the fact that the girl won't ever have the opportunity to experience anything and she didn't have the chance to say goodbye to those she cared for, instead of praying for her and being there for her family makes me a prick... or something). I remember I went completely upset to the place I mentioned, both pissed off at myself for having chosen to talk to someone whose concept of Heaven is a spiritual realm where the Marxist revolution seems to have happened and even brought gulags to the other side and trying to understand why his comment made me so angry.
Then today I went with a couple of mates to the funeral, and trying to be selfless, I tried to talk to them and let them speak their minds, tried to hug those friends who seemed to need it, and even phoned the girl who let me know about the death because she wasn't there and a mutual friend she wasn't feeling well... in the end, I just felt stupid for doing it all: One of my mates pretty much told me to off because he wanted to be alone, somehow the hugs felt fake, and the girl answered the phone saying she was just taking her father to the airport, and that she was fine and dandy.
What a ing excuse for a mourner I am: I can't cry, I can barely feel nostalgic because I know it won't bring the deceased back, and I fell pretty useless to do/show anything if the person is dead, so all those rituals are empty to me. I've always been told that I'm too rational to let my emotions really flow, too egocentric and self-absorbed, and that I'm not exactly good at reaching people actively (although I'm a good listener and can only help when people come to me).
Next time, I'll just stay home philosophising... meh.
| quote: | Originally posted by EddieZilker
I think you, among some other people here, know my mother was shot and killed during a deposition she was taking while representing her killer's wife against him. |
I had no idea, sorry to hear that :( |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
Wow... that's pretty crazy. I am sorry that it has happened so close to home. I hope their family's are ok, especially her mother. I can't imagine how traumatizing that would be. |
Actually, her mother wasn't at all fine, though because she's still in shock, she seems not to have "gotten it". On the other hand, her father, who was being strong until the moment we arrived, broke down and cried copiously the moment my mate hugged him. Apparently, she'd often sleep over at his place when she wasn't feeling well, and they were very close until she started dating the killer. |
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