|
Political Jokes Thread
|
View this Thread in Original format
| JohnSmith |
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 6 million Iraqis this time, and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy exclaims, "A blonde with big boobs!!! Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?!! I told you no one would worry about 6 million Iraqis!" |
|
|
| Izzy |
Q: Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and Tom Daschle were on a boat floating around in Lake Superior, all of a sudden the boat starts sinking, who was the sole survivor?
A: the USA
Saddam was flying over his country on a tour with his most closest adviser. Saddam was in a good mood on that day and says, let me throw a 100$ bill out of the plane and make someone happy. after getting a rush of joy from doing such charity he decides, let me throw three 100$ bills out of the plane and make three people very happy. by this time the adviser catches on and says, lets throw you out of the plane and make 35 million people happy.
and this is probably the funniest political joke/satire i have ever read:
http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml |
|
|
| Nadi |
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollaring.
"Whats the matter Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finsihed a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well the box said '3 to 5 Years" but I did it in a month!" |
|
|
| Trance Plant |
| quote: | | http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml |
That site in general is awesome. Thanks for sharing it :)
BTW:
George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz
While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"
LOL |
|
|
| LiquidX |
Of the top 20 industrialized nations, the US is # 1 in: millionaires, billionaires, military spendings, firearm deaths, beef production, calorie consumption, energy use, oil consumption, CO2 emissions, municipal wasted, harzrdous waste, rapes, and births to mothers under 20 -
- From Stupid White Men ..
Also ..
In the early 90's, Dick Cheney's Halliburton oil company sent pulse generators to Iraq. Pulse generators are used for oil drilling, but can also be used for detonationg nuclear weapons. Now we're after Iraq because we say they have nuclear weapons, ones which they could detonate of things we sent them .... hehehe jeeez !!
Also ..
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a - it is a different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got particularly unique situation " - Vice President Dan Quayle in 1992.
LoL
This are all real facts .. yet are kinda ironic and .. well, humorous in a way.:happy2: |
|
|
| Dumonde Trancer |
| quote: | Originally posted by JohnSmith
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 6 million Iraqis this time, and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy exclaims, "A blonde with big boobs!!! Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?!! I told you no one would worry about 6 million Iraqis!" |
thats quality :haha: |
|
|
| JohnSmith |
Three Texas surgeons were arguing as to which had the greatest skill.
The first began: "Three years ago, I reattached seven fingers on a pianist. He went on to give a recital for the Queen of England."
The second replied: "That's nothing. I attended a man in a car accident. All his arms and legs were severed from his body. Two years after I reattached them, he won three gold medals for field events in the Olympics."
The third said: "A few years back, I attended to a cowboy. He was high on cocaine and alcohol when he rode his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train traveling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a ten gallon hat. Last year he became president of the United States. |
|
|
| JohnSmith |
President Bush launched a PR campaign to improve his image and
popularity.
He decided to visit a primary school so he could explain to the
children his policy. After explaining his policy to them, the president
asked the children if they had any questions. Little Stevie raises his
hand and says, "Mr. President, I have three
questions:
"1. How did you have less votes but were still elected president? "2.
Why do you want to attack Iraq with no motive? "3. Don't you think
Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack in history?"
At that moment, the bell rang and the children ran outside to play. At
the end of the break the children returned and Bush asked the children
if they had any questions. Little Eddie raises his hand and says, "Mr.
President, I have five
questions: "1. How did you have less votes but were still elected
president? "2. Why do you want to attack Iraq with no motive? "3. Don't
you think Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack in history? "4. Why
did the bell ring 20 minutes too early? "5. Where is Stevie?" |
|
|
| JohnSmith |
Rules For Being A Good George Dubya Republican:
1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's
gas prices are all Bill Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own. Like George W. Bush, you must insist that when he was
born on third base he had actually hit a triple.
3) You have to despise government programs, but expect Social Security
checks all the time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's
lives, yet you want government to regulate opposite-gender marriages,
ending or not ending pregnancies and what official language should be
spoken by you.........
5) You have to believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a
profit. It is even better if it's in another state.
6) You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you don't
pray to Allah or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should
have no regulation or interference.
9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're certain that Jesus
shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black
in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Allen Keys.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have
ever been unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun
is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for
all Americans. Even children, felons and wackos.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the
Constitution.
15) You have to believe that AIDS virus is not important enough to
deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and
that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just
ignore it, it will go away.
16) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals
of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.
17) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the
arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art
were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such
support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor
don't need any.
18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
19) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and
the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
20) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Tim Hutchinson, and Bob Livingston for their
marital infidelities, but that that bastard Clinton should be never
forgiven.
21) You must hate hanging chads but love hanging judges. |
|
|
| JohnSmith |
You may have heard that the Canadian government has decided to assist the USA in the war against terrorism.
We have agreed to send:
6000 troops
2 of their largest battleships
6 fighter jets
After the exchange rate, the USA will receive
2 Mounties
1 canoe
a bunch of flying squirrels |
|
|
| LiquidX |
| LoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ! ! ! ! @ JOHNSMITH, thats sooooo funny ! ! looool ! :tongue2 :stongue: |
|
|
|
|
