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Political Jokes Thread (pg. 3)
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| DrUg_Tit0 |
There was an interview with Saddam Hussein here a few days ago, I don't remember it word for word, but part of it was like this:
reporter: There have been many reports of you killing and torturing your political opponents...
Saddam: Yes, that's true.
reporter: You don't see anything wrong with it?
Saddam: (thinks a little) No, why? (looking a bit surprised) What's wrong with that? |
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| Izzy |
Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert
shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that s inspiring him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to
wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer: I shoot the Son-Of-A-Bitch!!!
:toothless |
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| JohnSmith |
well.. you know what, i'd shoot the bastard too.
However, if the man was on the other side of the world, had been locked up in a cage and watched and bombed for 12 years, i might just turn the other cheek.
and if instead of a 357 magnum, i had a nuclear bomb to drop on this guy, knowing i'd kill many more innocent people than he would ever have the chance to with his knife, then i definitelly wouldn't do it.
don't make me post my reply to tiesto14 again! :stongue: |
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| occrider |
| quote: | Originally posted by JohnSmith
well.. you know what, i'd shoot the bastard too.
However, if the man was on the other side of the world, had been locked up in a cage and watched and bombed for 12 years, i might just turn the other cheek.
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Hehe so you wouldn't shoot the guy if he had been in prison for 12 years, just got out, and was coming after you with a knife?
| quote: |
and if instead of a 357 magnum, i had a nuclear bomb to drop on this guy, knowing i'd kill many more innocent people than he would ever have the chance to with his knife, then i definitelly wouldn't do it.
don't make me post my reply to tiesto14 again! :stongue: |
Well if a guy was coming at me with a knife you can be sure I wouldn't throw a nuclear bomb at him too hahahaha. |
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| LiquidX |
| Do you know how easily a little faux-pas could turn into a national-security nightmare? No wonder Bush loves increasing the Pentagon budget. We'll need all the firepower we can get after he accidently orders the Russians "wiped out" when he really means, " I need to wipe the Russians dressing off my tie." |
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| JohnSmith |
You know, i applaud the french for taking a stand at the UN. but still, these jokes are damn funny.
HOW MANY FRENCHMEN DOES IT TAKE TO DEFEND PARIS?
Nobody knows, they have never tried it.
THE FRENCH HAVE ORDERED A NEW NATIONAL FLAG.
It's a white cross on a white background.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FRENCHMAN
AND TOAST?
You can make soldiers out of toast!
DEFINE CONFUSION
Father's day in Paris
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU ARE TAUGHT WHEN JOINING
THE FRENCH ARMY?
To say surrender in German.
WHY DO THE FRENCH EAT SNAILS?
It gives them speedier reactions.
WHY DON'T THE FRENCH LIKE FIREWORKS AT
DISNEYLAND PARIS?
Because every time they go off, people start trying to surrender. |
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| JohnSmith |
Dr. Seuss on Iraq
Last month, Iraq delivered to the United Nations a 12,000-page report
denying it had weapons of mass destruction. Knowing President Bush does not
have the attention span to read 12,000 pages, the Iraqis also provided an
executive summary written in the style of the president's favorite author,
Dr. Seuss. A copy of this document has now been obtained from an anonymous
source deep inside Vice President Dick Cheney's secret hideout. The complete
text follows:
I am Saddam.
Saddam I am.
I am the ruler of Iraq,
The country that you would attack.
You are Bush.
Bush you are.
The fame of you has spread afar.
You do not like me, Bush, I know.
You would not like me in a show.
You would not like me in the snow.
You simply wish that I would go.
You say I used to slaughter Kurds.
You say that I use naughty words.
You say I have an evil stash
Of weapons of destruction (mass),
Of bombs and missiles, germs and gas.
You say I tried to kill your Pop.
Oh, how I wish that you would stop!
I promise you I have no stash
Of weapons of destruction (mass).
I do not have them near or far.
I did not hide them in my car.
I did not hide them in a bar.
I did not hide them in a hole.
I did not hide them up a pole.
I did not hide them in a grave.
I did not hide them in a cave.
I did not hide them in a dish.
I did not hide them in a knish.
I did not hide them in my coat.
I did not hide them in a goat.
I did not hide them in a trunk.
I did not hide them in my bunk.
I did not hide them anywhere.
In short, they simply are not there.
The inspectors came and looked,
And looked, and looked, and looked, and looked.
They looked high and they looked low,
Every place that they could go.
They looked in every hole and crack,
Each drawer and closet, bag and sack.
They found nothing in a trunk-or
Even in my private bunker.
They did not find a single stash
Of weapons of destruction (mass) ...
And STILL you won't get off my a**!
I've done all that I can do.
The rest, dear Bush, is up to you.
Please don't be angry, don't be sore.
We don't need to have a war.
Let's go back to the good old days
When your dad and Reagan sang my praise.
I was your faithful ally then.
Why can't we be friends again?
I say, let's let this whole thing drop.
(My best regards to your dear Pop.) |
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| Izzy |
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. The there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
"Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France."
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
-- General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
-- Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
-- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
-- Rush Limbaugh |
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| Yoepus |
John Paul Satre said "hell is being locked in a room with your friends." He overlooked the fact that all his mates were french.
Oh oh... making fun of the french is soooo FUN. I finally get why you guys love to do the American bashing. |
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| Alccode |
LOL JohnSmith that's a hilarious piece of "Dr.Seuss"! It would be great if there was a picture book to accompany it. :D
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Oh oh... making fun of the french is soooo FUN. I finally get why you guys love to do the American bashing. |
This is a political jokes thread. As in JOKES.
Those who take them seriously, or use the opportunity to "bash America" or "bash France" are seriously misunderstanding the point of it.
This applies to all you haters... whether you hate America or France or whatever, it doesn't matter. |
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| Yoepus |
| quote: | Originally posted by Alccode
This is a political jokes thread. As in JOKES.
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oh lighten up :eyes: , incase you didn't realize that was a joke as this is the thread for jokes, as you clearly articulated in your above post.
and yes, incase you were wondering this is a joke too. a big joke/ |
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