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Political Jokes Thread (pg. 5)
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| melech_mike |
Dear Abby:
I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a
transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994.The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.
Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, the heroin habits.
All thing considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancée and
look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation |
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| ahlamalek |
| quote: | Originally posted by melech_mike
For all those propagandists, let it be clear that this is a JOKE, and not a Jewish conspiracy to take over the world...in weirdo's! |
hahaha but you posting it doesn't really help :tongue2 |
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| Yoepus |
A Palestinian man met his Jewish friend and told him, "What a bummer ("bhassa") now we will have a country. Income Taxes, property taxes, sales...."
The Jewish man answered back, "What are you crying for? We have been suffering for fifty five years like that".
The Palestinian man answered - "but at least you can see the end". |
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| JohnSmith |
the biggest political joke of all:
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| melech_mike |
Subject: The Aggressor
Dan Rather, Jesse Jackson, Cokie Roberts from National Public Radio and an Israeli soldier were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of
hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my
tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The chief said, "And, Mr. Israeli soldier, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass." said the Israeli. "What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass" insisted the Israeli. So the chief untied the soldier, shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Israeli went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his uzi, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were all dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Israeli was untying the others, they each asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"
"What!? "said the Israeli, "And have you s call ME the aggressor?!?" |
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| Galapidate |
| quote: | Originally posted by melech_mike
The Israelis and Arabs finally realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight. The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the centre of the ring. The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."
"Really?" the Israelis replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund." |
HAHAHAHA! :D |
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| melech_mike |
| Nice to see you enjoyed it! |
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| JohnSmith |
What if Saddamn hussein survived the initial bombing, but had his leg blown off?
how pissed of do you think his body doubles would be? |
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| Galapidate |
| quote: | Originally posted by JohnSmith
What if Saddamn hussein survived the initial bombing, but had his leg blown off?
how pissed of do you think his body doubles would be? |
Hehe, it would be like that South Park with the future selves of Stan and Butters. :D |
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| DrummeRaver86 |
| quote: | Originally posted by JohnSmith
What if Saddamn hussein survived the initial bombing, but had his leg blown off?
how pissed of do you think his body doubles would be? |
:haha: :haha: |
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| festayre |
Aux Etats-Unis, un gars est en voiture sur l'autoroute lorsqu'il arrive à un bouchon de circulation. Quelqu'un frappe à la vitre. Le chauffeur baisse la vitre et demande :
- Qu'est-ce qui se passe ?
L'autre gars dit :
- Des terroristes ont pris Doubleyou Bush en otage et ils demandent 1
million de dollars sinon ils l'arrosent d'essence et ils jettent une
allumette dessus... Alors vous comprenez, on passe auprès de chaque
auto pour ramasser des dons.
Le chauffeur demande :
- Et combien les gens donnent ?
- Environ 5 litres
In the United States, a guy is driving his car on the highway when he is blocked into a traffic-jam. Someone knock to the window. The driver pull down the window and ask :
- What's happen ?
The other guy say :
- Some terrorists have Georges W. Bush in hostage and they want 1 million dollars else they pour petrol over him then they throw a match on him... You understand, we make every car to collect donation.
The driver asks :
- How much people give ?
- About 5 liters
Ok, I know, this joke is a washout...:mad: |
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