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why are boys so inconsiderate sometimes?
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| Sunshine79 |
ok, this is for all you guys out there.
maybe someone can help me understand the male mind a little bit better.
how hard is it to call your girlfriend and tell her you are ok when you go out without her?
here's the scenario:
Every week my boyfriend goes out with his boys. I could tag along but it's usually a weekday and I have to get up early so I just let him do his own thing. But I always ask that he calls or texts me periodically throughout the night so I know he is ok. Sometimes he doesn't come home before I go to work and I ask that he lets me know when he is staying out so that when I wake up in the morning and he isn't there (btw, we live together), I don't have to worry.
It's that simple. Just a text message or voicemail saying "Hey babe, I am crashing at Kris's (or wherever)...have a good day. I will call you later."
And each week, he doesn't do this. He goes out with all his single buddies, they get totally ripped and he doesn't call. He will call/text until he gets retarded and then he disappears. I wake up and call/text and get no response. So then I end up worrying all day at work. Like today.
Sorry for the long rant but what can I do to either not worry or get him to understand the grief he is causing me? This is the only problem we have and it drives me INSANE!
help?
ps: this is not a cheating issue. I always know where he is/was and who was around, etc. And yeah..I might check up on it a little now and then ;) but I totally trust him. this is a drug/alcohol related problem, as far as I can tell. |
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| EyesOfExtasy |
| I used to have this problem many times with many men. Its not that they dont care, its just that sometimes they dont think. They dont think aboout theyre actions before doing them, they dont think about what they say before it comes out of theyre mouth and they dont think about consequences. Thats why they are always apologizing after the fact. Most mens vision is 100% hindsight. If they would wake up an realize that if they didnt do stupid to begin with then they wouldnt have to apologize and we wouldnt have to nag at them all the time and put them on strike. All these things can be avoided by some simple communication. Or try the shoe on the other foot technique. Wait until he is home one day for some reason and go out with your girls and dont come home and dont call just to spite him. He will be so worried he will be ting in his pants wondering where the you are. When you come home use the same lame excuse that he gives you. When he bitches about it say hey, I accepted that excuse from you....so what I was trashed...then he will see the light. Its not about you being that type of person, or going eye for an eye, or being mature, its about revenge baby! If you go through all that frustration, let him feel it too. |
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| DJDREO |
Considering you trust him and im guessing he trust you back. Maybe he takes that trust to his advantage. Maybe while he is out he is probably like "Blah she knows where I am". and dosent worry about telling you EXACTLY where he is. And as to your question about not worrying. I dont think that is possible unless you talk to him about it.(As in a serious discussion not only "Call me babe".
Best of luck:) |
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| Sunshine79 |
| quote: | Originally posted by EyesOfExtasy
I used to have this problem many times with many men. Its not that they dont care, its just that sometimes they dont think. They dont think aboout theyre actions before doing them, they dont think about what they say before it comes out of theyre mouth and they dont think about consequences. Thats why they are always apologizing after the fact. Most mens vision is 100% hindsight. If they would wake up an realize that if they didnt do stupid to begin with then they wouldnt have to apologize and we wouldnt have to nag at them all the time and put them on strike. All these things can be avoided by some simple communication. Or try the shoe on the other foot technique. Wait until he is home one day for some reason and go out with your girls and dont come home and dont call just to spite him. He will be so worried he will be ting in his pants wondering where the you are. When you come home use the same lame excuse that he gives you. When he bitches about it say hey, I accepted that excuse from you....so what I was trashed...then he will see the light. Its not about you being that type of person, or going eye for an eye, or being mature, its about revenge baby! If you go through all that frustration, let him feel it too. |
What you say is totally right. It BLOWS MY MIND how stupid boys can be...we tell them exactly how to avoid any issues and make us happy, and they fail to do it. It's like they almost WANT to drive us insane!
But, the problem is, I really don't want to fight fire with fire. I don't believe that two wrongs make a right. The idea of going out and not calling has crossed my mind many times. It probably would work but it's going against my morals and I have a hard time with that. I really didn't want it to come down to that option but, at this point, I really don't have any others. Nothing I have said means a damn thing to him. :(
So..umm....when you wanna go out? :p
thanks for the advice, babe!
-Bree |
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| sandstorm03 |
| quote: | | It's that simple. Just a text message or voicemail saying "Hey babe, I am crashing at Kris's (or wherever)...have a good day. I will call you later." |
| quote: | | Its not that they dont care, its just that sometimes they dont think. |
My mom used to tell me to do the same thing. Useually i just dont feel like getting into a 5 hour arguement with her, so i learned not to call her. If he gives you some excuse for not calling/not thinking to call its prob bs. If im out doing something i most likely cba to call, maby i would if i knew i was gonna get voice mail.
But then again why the hell would i want to sleep @ 1 of my friends places if i had a girlfriend in bed??
Id say just try to take your mind off it, because I dont think its really going to change.
| quote: | | If they would wake up an realize that if they didnt do stupid to begin with then they wouldnt have to apologize and we wouldnt have to nag at them all the time and put them on strike. |
imo guys know what they are doing, just at the moment the couldnt care, and rather apologize later.:D
| quote: | | When you come home use the same lame excuse that he gives you. |
what would happen if he didnt seem to care?
| quote: | | Maybe while he is out he is probably like "Blah she knows where I am". and dosent worry about telling you EXACTLY where he is. |
yea that 2. I hate when people, girls/parents call to check up on me when they know where i am/what im doing. |
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| EyesOfExtasy |
No prob sweety. Always glad to help. I am just glad I dont have to deal with it now. Im telling ya, all u need is a gamer boyfriend. He wont go to clubs or bars or you wont have to worry about him cheating. He will be home, on the computer playing games, or on the x box playing games, or on the playstation 2 playing games :rolleyes: :D Thats what I have to deal with all day. When he does go out I always know where to find him. Having inconsiderate boyfriends in the past has trained me to be somewhat of a super detective. You will never beleive what types of skills the lack of trust can instill in a person. I learned how to follow people very well without being seen, (almost ninja like) it was hillarious...this was back in the day when I was way younger....learned how to recognize all the sounds of the tones on a phone number. Therefore when u press redial I can tell u what number u dialed. Learned a whole bunch of phone tricks, called companies and scammed them into giving me voicemail, email passwords, etc. I was really hardcore!! I had a very very bad trust issue due to being screwed over too many times. Now I rest at ease....AH the beauty of owning a gamer...HEHEHE
Does your boyfriend usually lack responsibility....I used to see that as well...depending on how people were raised and what responsibilities they have carried on themselves in the past shows in theyre behavior in the future....you may want to think about that too. |
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| sandstorm03 |
| PSYCHO GIRLLLLLL:whip: :D :crazy: |
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| keithos27 |
Guys and girls really aren't all that different... we're just people. If he's not mature enough to sit down and talk with you about what he does to bother you and vice versa than maybe he's not the one? I mean how hard is it to tell someone you are okay? On the other hand, don't be one of those girlfriends that needs a call every few hours... consider once or twice a day enough... I mean if you guys live together you see eachother enough so I'm sure you don't need to know EXACTLY what he's doing... "hi honey, I'm at the supermarket", "hi honey, I'm in the car", "hi honey, I'm taking a dump", etc. (haha, sorry for that last one).
All I'm saying is that the two of you should be mature enough to sit down and talk to each other, ESPECIALLY if you're living together. If he gets too retarded too often to either a) remember to call or b) actually have the ability to call then he probably has a drinking problem.
Disclaimer: I don't know either of you and I'm not a psychiotrist so don't take what I say as gold... just some general suggestions. :)
-Keith |
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| Sunshine79 |
i dont need him to call me all day.
only when he goes out and doesn't come home. only when i wake up to him not being there. i ask him to call me so i dont worry. that's all.
i don't check up on him, i don't control him, i dont need to know EXACTLY where he is..just that's he is safe and ok and won't be coming or home or whatever. this way, i won't be expecting him and then worried when he doesn't show up.
he just turned 19.
does that tell you anything? i shouldn't on him like this, but maybe that's just what it all comes down to.
here the UPDATE:
he called me at 9:30 from his parent's house on LI. from their phone. Said he just walked in the door, that his cell phone died. I said; "why didn't you use a payphone?" he said "I don't know your number by heart." Fair enough. EXCEPT he was with his two friends who both have my numbers in their phones. I said this to him. He had no comment.
so...what is the next step? I am at work so I just ended the call, I can't be getting into an argument now. He said "I love you" I said "You have a funny way of showing it. goodbye." and I hung up.
and that was that.
goddamn it. the fact that i am sitting here posting all this on TA tells me just exactly how bad this has gotten and how much i am hurt and i really need to get my ass in gear. |
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| Sunshine79 |
| quote: | Originally posted by EyesOfExtasy
Does your boyfriend usually lack responsibility....I used to see that as well...depending on how people were raised and what responsibilities they have carried on themselves in the past shows in theyre behavior in the future....you may want to think about that too. |
the boy is the definition of irresponsible |
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| sandstorm03 |
| quote: | | he was with his two friends who both have my numbers in their phones. I said this to him. He had no comment. |
:):D excuses, excuses:stongue: imo its not going to change... |
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| keithos27 |
I think your needs are perfectly legit. It sounds like he is just immature. In his eyes you may be analyzing this too much, but they are your thoughts... sit down and talk to him and let him know how you feel and how and why this bothers you. A good relationship is all about communication.
PS. Age isn't a good thing to measure by... I know 19 year olds that are more mature than 25 year olds, and vice versa. |
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