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why are boys so inconsiderate sometimes? (pg. 3)
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| sandstorm03 |
| ill im u later :) |
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| klingklang77 |
| if it really bothers you that much and he knows it, it is just plain disrespectful. everyone has to give a little bit in a relationship, and if one person stops giving, then it all falls apart. and you shouldnt have to settle, so ask yourself the question- what will you do if it doesnt change? and how important is it to you? |
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| politicsofdancin |
| men and women are just totally different. i can turn blue trying to explain my NEEDS and WANTS to a guy ...he still doesn't get it! its soo annoying. you know what i learned , you can't change someone until they want to change themselves. good luck bree |
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| Matro |
I agree with keithos27 pretty well. You both need to sit down and come up with something you can both live with. If you, can't, then maybe you shouldn't be together.
From your first post it sounded like you wanted him to call you multiple times a night while he was out with his friends. Perhaps that can be a point of compromise, maybe: one call at some point in the evening to let you know if he'll be home, and another if that changes. If he agrees to it but doesn't follow through, then again, perhaps you shouldn't be together.
On the other hand, there's not really an excuse for not calling or texting once in an evening except for the occasional emergency. It used to be that calling took a chunk of time and sometimes one couldn't get away from what he was doing, but with texting that's not really an issue anymore.
As for age, that's definitely not a good factor by which to judge. I dated a 16yo girl (I was 18) who was wonderful but not overbearing about keeping in touch. And when I was 16, I dated a 19yo girl who was incredibly overbearing about calling. I'd do it, but it built up a lot of resentment which led to the end of a 3yr relationship.
Of course, I'm not a psychologist, but relationships have to involve compromise on both sides. If you can't talk it out, there's a biger issue.
--Matt/Matro |
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| Sunshine79 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Matro
I agree with keithos27 pretty well. You both need to sit down and come up with something you can both live with. If you, can't, then maybe you shouldn't be together.
From your first post it sounded like you wanted him to call you multiple times a night while he was out with his friends. Perhaps that can be a point of compromise, maybe: one call at some point in the evening to let you know if he'll be home, and another if that changes. If he agrees to it but doesn't follow through, then again, perhaps you shouldn't be together.
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you are right, i read my post and i see how i came off sounding kind of overbearing. i actually don't want him to call me all night...i say periodically because he changes his mind a lot. so i like him to keep me updated on whether he is coming home. or when he is leaving. this is not to keep tabs on him. he and his friends get pretty damn ed up and i do worry. there's more to that story but believe me, in no way am i controlling.
| quote: | | On the other hand, there's not really an excuse for not calling or texting once in an evening except for the occasional emergency. It used to be that calling took a chunk of time and sometimes one couldn't get away from what he was doing, but with texting that's not really an issue anymore. |
exactly.
| quote: | | As for age, that's definitely not a good factor by which to judge. I dated a 16yo girl (I was 18) who was wonderful but not overbearing about keeping in touch. And when I was 16, I dated a 19yo girl who was incredibly overbearing about calling. I'd do it, but it built up a lot of resentment which led to the end of a 3yr relationship. |
this is true. i have to get over that hang up. however, i do think age comes into play in regards to experience. and i don't mean that 19 means anything. but his 19 years compared to my 25 is sometimes a huge stretch. i happen to have a great deal more relationship experience than he does.
| quote: | Of course, I'm not a psychologist, but relationships have to involve compromise on both sides. If you can't talk it out, there's a biger issue.
--Matt/Matro |
yes. it's all communication. i say this everyday probably. what is the best way to communicate with him, based on what i have said? he is very close-mouthed about this stuff. i end up blabbing on and on and he doesn't say much save "im sorry bebe, i love you so much"
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR INSIGHT! it has really helped me today and i appreciate it.
hugs and kisses,
bree |
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| Sunshine79 |
| quote: | Originally posted by keithos27
I think your needs are perfectly legit. It sounds like he is just immature. In his eyes you may be analyzing this too much, but they are your thoughts... sit down and talk to him and let him know how you feel and how and why this bothers you. A good relationship is all about communication.
PS. Age isn't a good thing to measure by... I know 19 year olds that are more mature than 25 year olds, and vice versa. |
wise words, sweetie. it's so great to read what everyone says.
i notice i am way better at giving advice than following it. :p |
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| Taub |
| why dont girls ever call back? |
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| Busy Child |
| why dont you ever check your PMs??? :wtf: |
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| keithos27 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sunshine79
wise words, sweetie. it's so great to read what everyone says.
i notice i am way better at giving advice than following it. :p |
Anytime... These are just my opinions...not fact. I hope it works out for the two of you but to tell you the truth it sounds like he has some issues (anyone who gets ed up every week has issues)... alcohol is to a degree a drug that flies by the radar screen all too often. Everyone likes to have fun every once in a while, but if his "fun" is creating problems it's not really fun anymore, is it?
If it is indeed a problem, that only creates more confusion/problems because if he truly loves you and you truly love him you will help him realize his faults and help him get help. That is a separate and difficult issue.
Anyway... I can't stress it enough... communication, trust, respect. They all need to be there for it to work. If you tell him over and over that certain things bother you and he just replys "I'm sorry baby, I love you" then that is toal inexcusable bull. If somone slapped you in the face repeatedly or kept doing the opposite of what you told them and it angered you and they just said "I'm sorry" and then did it again, it would get old quick.
I really hope things work out and all the advice helps. I'm 23 my self and have only been in one "serious" relationship, but I think I understand people pretty well and it's easier to get an outside perspective on things. Hope it all works out. :) Oh and don't discuss over IM or phone.... face to face... get everything out and get it resolved.
-Keith |
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| bubbleravegirl |
| quote: | Originally posted by EyesOfExtasy
its just that sometimes they dont think. They dont think aboout theyre actions before doing them, they dont think about what they say before it comes out of theyre mouth and they dont think about consequences. Thats why they are always apologizing after the fact. Most mens vision is 100% hindsight. If they would wake up an realize that if they didnt do stupid to begin with then they wouldnt have to apologize and we wouldnt have to nag at them all the time and put them on strike. All these things can be avoided by some simple communication. Or try the shoe on the other foot technique. Wait until he is home one day for some reason and go out with your girls and dont come home and dont call just to spite him. He will be so worried he will be ting in his pants wondering where the you are. When you come home use the same lame excuse that he gives you. When he bitches about it say hey, I accepted that excuse from you....so what I was trashed...then he will see the light. Its not about you being that type of person, or going eye for an eye, or being mature, its about revenge baby! |
omg Z this is totally what i think!!! this is JUST like my bf...always apologizing after the fact...ahah welps ive done the revenge thing many times but the thing is, i usually go overboard which results in him getting madd pissed at me, and then i feel horrible...that was pretty much our first nine months together...
well but at least my boy WILL usually call me NOW if he was gonna go out after work instead of coming home (esp. if im at his place already). |
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| LinX |
hey guys... arent those voice messages funny omg i love those when your hella drunk and your phone rings then the you have a new voice message and it goes something like this *really sleepy raspy voice* "where the are you its ing 630am and your still not home. call me back wtf..."
haha sorry i just had to ;) |
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| bubbleravegirl |
| quote: | Originally posted by LinX
hey guys... arent those voice messages funny omg i love those when your hella drunk and your phone rings then the you have a new voice message and it goes something like this *really sleepy raspy voice* "where the are you its ing 630am and your still not home. call me back wtf..."
haha sorry i just had to ;) |
wow ive never gotten a msg like dat...but ive left msgs when im crunked or fuked up...part of my *revenge* but then it always ends up in a fight..
**wait** i stand corrected. i HAVE gotten a msg like dat before...but not wid all those *s* in it. i have gotten madd txt msgs...WHERE ARE YOU? and me wondering if i should even call back...but then of course u do... |
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