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Drunken English Pre Match Shít
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| Ian^ |
Since the game is within hours now, it seems appropriate that we should make our prescence felt and get some attacking in while we can.. sooo lets start with the great french military defeats one....
Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
12th June 2004 - A superb Performance from Gerrard, Beckham Owen Rooney & Lampard leaves the french with egg on face like the Germans in 'that' World Cup Qualifier
COME ON YOU ENGLAND |
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| Coup |
| die u french bastards :p |
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| DjDeComp |
| we americans helped too:D |
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| Ian^ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Coup
die u french bastards :p |
Disclaimer
This is done by proper TA invasion rules, only ONE thread on the subject may be made in any forum, people who post more than 1 will be dealt with by the mods, it's fair to keep this fun down to a minimum amount of damage for the mods sakes, so lets have our fun & enjoy a good game tomorrow :) |
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| dj_mdma |
| we don't eat pond life...nuff said :p |
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| Mako |
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue:
The birthplace of arrogance shall go down!!!:whip: |
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| DjDeComp |
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| Ian^ |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj_mdma
we don't eat pond life...nuff said :p |
not even goldfish :eek: |
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| DjDeComp |
FRENCH FRIES!!!!! |
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| Coup |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj_mdma
we don't eat pond life...nuff said :p |
hahaah!! |
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| Sand Leaper |
| quote: | Originally posted by DjDeComp
FRENCH FRIES!!!!! |
You mean freedom fries :p
Hehe, got some america bashing in here too for good measure :D |
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| DjDeComp |
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