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kids. (pg. 10)
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| gehzumteufel |
Sara, I hope you realize, that pretty much all the men that say they don't want kids, end up wanting them in the long term. There are VERY few men that don't want to see a little of theirs running around. Most of the ones that say they don't, will change their mind after long enough time.
Ammora: Chrissy (Echo of Silence) is 100% right. It is all in the way in which you train your kids to act in public, at home, etc. If you teach them to be polite, relatively quiet, etc. you won't have a problem. I will say though, you can not expect your kids to act like a 12yr old at 4. These parents are also running into problems, as the kids want to be ing kids. You just have to teach them the time and place to do it. |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by gehzumteufel
Sara, I hope you realize, that pretty much all the men that say they don't want kids, end up wanting them in the long term. There are VERY few men that don't want to see a little of theirs running around. Most of the ones that say they don't, will change their mind after long enough time.
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He's 34..... I'm pretty sure he's got his mind made up :stongue:
Chrissi I will always lub joo even though we hated each other SOOO much so long ago! |
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| gehzumteufel |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
He's 34..... I'm pretty sure he's got his mind made up :stongue:
Chrissi I will always lub joo even though we hated each other SOOO much so long ago! |
haha and? 18 or 80, a man can reproduce forever. He can have this "moment" happen when he is 60. Not that it wouldn't be foolish, but this has become quite common place now. |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by gehzumteufel
haha and? 18 or 80, a man can reproduce forever. He can have this "moment" happen when he is 60. Not that it wouldn't be foolish, but this has become quite common place now. |
Yeah but he's got a logical explanation for why he doesn't want kids. It's not like the "they're annoying and that's why" more or less it's "here's a list of reasons why I don't want to have children". Plus, if the person you're with is in the same mentality (me), you kinda stick to your guns a liiiiiiitle bit more, ya know? |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
Men have a sort of "biological clock" as well -- an older man has a significantly higher chance of fathering children with birth defects.
I know a guy in his late 50s who is probably going to die soon and regrets not having kids. |
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| gehzumteufel |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Yeah but he's got a logical explanation for why he doesn't want kids. It's not like the "they're annoying and that's why" more or less it's "here's a list of reasons why I don't want to have children". Plus, if the person you're with is in the same mentality (me), you kinda stick to your guns a liiiiiiitle bit more, ya know? |
Ahh well then I will concede that he has a totally different outlook. I have NEVER met a guy that had a really logical reason. It was always just the usual things that proper parenting solves.
And yeah, having someone who doesn't want them also helps. :) |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by gehzumteufel
Ahh well then I will concede that he has a totally different outlook. I have NEVER met a guy that had a really logical reason. It was always just the usual things that proper parenting solves.
And yeah, having someone who doesn't want them also helps. :) |
Well when he busted out his list, I was like "damn. Those are some good reasons." lol |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
Men have a sort of "biological clock" as well -- an older man has a significantly higher chance of fathering children with birth defects.
I know a guy in his late 50s who is probably going to die soon and regrets not having kids. |
I know a ton of people who decided to never have kids, and they're in their 40s-60s, and they are the happiest people I know. The bond between the couples are so strong it's insane. And everyone I know who didn't have kids, didn't get a divorce. It's easier to work out issues when you don't have 3 kids bitchin' all the gd time - & when you have that situation (3 kids bitchin'), those issues never get resolved, which lead to bigger problems, and when the kids get bigger couples realize they don't even like each other anymore cause they've grown so far apart. |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
I know a ton of people who decided to never have kids, and they're in their 40s-60s, and they are the happiest people I know. |
Sure, such people do exist. My uncle and aunt never had kids, by choice as far as I know, and seem quite happy together. I hope that your relationship works out similarly.
But I would wager that for each of those couples there are at least four couples that broke up because both members first declared a desire not to have kids and then either the girl or the guy started wanting kids later on. Happens quite a bit really. |
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| gehzumteufel |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Well when he busted out his list, I was like "damn. Those are some good reasons." lol |
haha at least he wasn't one of those jackass' that just rattles off things that are really parenting problems. :)
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
I know a ton of people who decided to never have kids, and they're in their 40s-60s, and they are the happiest people I know. The bond between the couples are so strong it's insane. And everyone I know who didn't have kids, didn't get a divorce. It's easier to work out issues when you don't have 3 kids bitchin' all the gd time - & when you have that situation (3 kids bitchin'), those issues never get resolved, which lead to bigger problems, and when the kids get bigger couples realize they don't even like each other anymore cause they've grown so far apart. |
Well having kids doesn't solve problems in the marriage. If anyone ever thinks it does, they need a ing reality check. All it does is temporarily displace the feelings and they come up later and even worse than before. |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
Sure, such people do exist. My uncle and aunt never had kids, by choice as far as I know, and seem quite happy together.
But I would wager that for each of those couples there are at least four couples that broke up because both members first declared a desire not to have kids and then either the girl or the guy started wanting kids later on. Happens quite a bit really. |
No - that situation is someone who is lying to make the other person happy. My friend is getting married. Her bf does NOT want kids (wants to get a vasectomy even), and she does. Well, now that they're getting married she's stating she doesn't want kids because he doesn't want kids. That's a lie! She does, but she's hoping that eventually he'll change his mind about having them. When he doesn't, they'll split up because the stress of it all with tear them apart.
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOURSELF TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY. |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
No - that situation is someone who is lying to make the other person happy. |
Certainly that is sometimes the case, but I don't think you can just rule out all the cases where people genuinely change their minds about it. |
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